Read just the purple for the basic of this post. I have been going out with this guy for 2 1/2 months, i met him about 2 weeks before we got together and we chatted on msn ALL the time for about a month prior to this.
2 1/2 weeks into our relationship and he got kicked out of college and since then things went really down hill, for the first few week we talked on msn/xfire all the time, saw each other as often as we could, despite us both having other priorities etc (i.e. work, college, family etc) the once he got kick out of college I didn’t see him for a month (he couldn’t get to me as he no longer had his bus pass and I couldn’t get to him due to other commitments…I did try on numerous occasions but he always found a problem with it) so we ended up falling out via msn/xfire multiple times over stupid stuff like not seeing each other but we always made up.
The when I hadn’t seen him for a month he came down mine on Saturday and I was so glad to see him but totally pissed off that I hadn’t seem him for a month obviously so we just watched a film and we didn’t really communicate because I was in a mood with him (which in my opinion was perfectly justified under the circumstances). When he got home he asked my what was up and we had a big talk over msn/fire and I told him everything that I was feeling/thinking. I know I should have done it face to face but I find it hard to communicate efficiently face to face and I want to say everything that I needed to say.
So after that things started to get back on track, he still couldn’t get to me but I went down his after college a few days a week when ever I could, but things weren’t anything like how they were for them first few weeks. Our msn/xfire conversations weren’t the same…they were like conversations just for the sake of it, I didn’t get random text off him anymore but when we were together he seemed happy to see me and would say all the nice stuff like `ive missed you` and `im never letting you go` and stuff.
Last time I went down was on Tuesday, things were good for a few hours then him mum asked us walk the dogs and he refused even though I wanted to, he was being grumpy so I sat on the other sofa away from him while he cheered up and we didn’t talk for a few hours just watched tv then he come and sat with me and kissed me and said sorry for being moody, I had to go home then so we walked to the bus stop and he apologized again and said he was grumpy because he had hardly eated for 4 days (hes had his tongue pierced) so I told him he should be sorry because he was a right mood git and he said he was so we kissed goodbye and I got on the bus.
We didn’t really talk then for a few days because him internet went away for a lil while but I rang him on Wednesday to see if I was going down on Thursday and he said he wanted me to but he had some youth group thing so I told him I wasn’t going because I didn’t want him to miss his youth group but I asked if he wanted me go on Sunday and he said yes so I left it at that. Then yesterday me and a few mates went out and we knocked on his even though I was pretty sure he wouldn’t be in but just on the off chance that he might be (he wasn’t) then when I got in id got a xfire message off him (left pc on and stayed signed in) saying `miss you ` so I told him about my days and he was all moody saying it was stupid to knock on someones house if you didn’t think they would be in and stuff and was being quite harsh with me. So I didn’t speak to him for about 2 hours then I asked him what his problem was with me these days and he said there wasn’t one and I said that it seemed like he wasn’t bothered and doesn’t care anymore and he said `I do care` and I was like `when was the last time you sent me a random text to say hi or w/e` or ``when was the last time you tried come mine ` or `when was the last time you even met me at the bus stop` and he said ` maybe you right, maybe I don’t care, what then?` so I said like a said you aren’t bothered anymore and he said that he does care about me but not the relationship. So I asked him why he started the conversation with `I miss you` and he said `I do, but im like do I really? I don’t know :S`
So we basically split up online but I went down his today like we originally planned because I needed to see him in order for me to accept it being over because I didn’t want us to break up online, and we always said that whatever happened between us we would stay friends, so I needed to see him to mentally get him back as a friend. So when I went down it was pretty awkward at first neither of us really knew what to say and id spent half the journey there crying and we talked a little bit and I asked how long he had been feeling like we should end it and he said he didn’t know, not ages.
Then it was weird because it was kindda like everything was ok (apart from the fact that my head was buzzing and I was holding back the tears) and we talked about regular stuff, messed around tickling each other, and had a little laugh. The he walked me to the bus stop and I was like `do I get a hug?` he was like `sure` so we had a little hug then I got on the bus and…well…now im here.
I don’t really know what to do or feel, I maintained my dignity by not crying in front of him which I am glad about because I didn’t want it to be all sad I wanted it to be a nice ending and it was it was the nicest breakup then I would ever had imagined.
I wish it hadn’t come to this he made me so happy, I knew he wasn’t happy since he left college and I missed the way we used to be even if it was just for a few weeks. I don’t know what to think I miss him and I cant bare the thought of never seeing him or talking to him again which is why I defiantly want to stay friends with him but I keep wondering what could have been if he hadn’t left college? I keep asking myself if there will be a chance of us trying again when he gets a job and gets himself sorted out ( hes unhappy, miserable, depressed, bored, hasn’t got anything to look forward to at the moments, spends all day and night playing world of warcraft etc) and I hope so but I don’t want to rely on false hope it will just make it harder if it doesn’t ever happen. And how to I find out a few month or w/e down the line when hes sorted without causing more damage?
I just need to figure out how to move on now, but I don’t want to forget about him no matter what he still makes me happy and I don’t want to forget that, hopefully even if we cant ever get back together we will hopefully have a good friendship because I will always look out for him and care for him no matter what
so what do i do now? :S opinions? comments? say w/e you want...