Horrid situation

[josie]

I’m in a bit of a sticky situation. My husband works away from home and isn’t home for long periods of time. When he’s home we’re great together and make love each night to make up for lost time.

He’s not home at the moment – he returned a couple of weeks ago. Me and a friend – a father of one of my children’s friends – have been getting on great. He and his wife are separated and he’s great company for me during these hard weeks. We’ve just been friends, but last night, after bringing his daughter over, things got tense and we kissed.

I feel awful. He’s meant to be coming over tomorrow for a drink – we’d planned this ages ago. I felt so close and attracted to him last night, and we probably would have made love if the circumstances weren’t so tense with my kids upstairs because I felt so carried away. I cannot bear to be unfaithful to my husband. The worst thing is, before he left he said something like “Just one night…no one will find out…”

Can someone please help me diffuse this situation before it goes too far? Please don’t judge me.

[1averagejoe]

Judge you? Well there's no need to do that, you've already told us what kind of person you are.

You know the answer to this problem. Stop communicating and seeing this man. The fact that you kissed him is pretty shady let alone the fact that you were willing to have sex with him. I feel bad for your husband and your kids. Whatever you do is your choice, but know that whatever you do there will be consequences, think about them before you do anything.

I recommend not seeing this man again, don't have a drink with him tomorrow and tell him it's best that you not see each other. As for telling your husband, for your kids sake I'd say keep your mouth shut. This never happened.

[lesa]

You are feeling the thrills of something different and daring. It is not worth the guilt and beatings that your conscience will do to you. “Just one night…no one will find out…”...I would run the other way if he disregarded my marriage and said that to me. I don't care how good of a friend he is, he would not be in my house again.

[Gigabitch]

Josie, call him up right now and tell him not to come over. This won't end well no matter what, but you can at least do some damage control at this point. If you ever put yourself in a position to be alone with him again, you're totally going to sleep with this guy.

I don't care how exciting things are- if you do this, it will mess up your life and there is just no way it could possibly be worth it.

[Jbleezyj]

yeh one night can make you feel guilty for a long time =( stop with the kiss and don't make the mistake I did.

[IndiReloaded]

Josie, call him up right now and tell him not to come over.

Just because it needs saying again^.

You kissed him? Not good. Your husband should beat his sorry ass & seal your lips with loctite.

Holy shit, there's even a wiki entry about it now! (read it, it applies)

[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_affair[/url]

[Mish]

Can someone please help me diffuse this situation before it goes too far? Please don’t judge me.

Cold Shower

Then

Another cold shower

Then

Gym

Then

Some Ice cream or chocolate

This is all to prepare you physically and emotionally for the thing that you're about to do, which is cancel him coming over.

Think a little more long term than the next couple of days and you will see how destructive this can be to not only to your relationship, but to your kids and to your future.


Don't show up here with " Okay, we did it, now what?" please.

[Stampe]

No need to tell you the wrongness in the action, i think you are quite aware of the situation.

Well if you did not have any kids, i would recommend you telling him what you had done. Such a small thing might slowly eat you up inside. But such action would harm your children in the long run. Luckily it was only a kiss, easier to forget than having sex.

I think i would recommend, as many other has replied, to keep it a secret for your childrens sake, if you think you can live with it. Even though it was only a kiss, it was still cheating. And of course you need to leave this friend alone and never talk to him again. He will only cause you further problems.

I think you also might need to, at some point, discuss the problem with your husband, that he is too long time away from home and that it causes problems for your relationship. And it does, since you had time to be together with another man. He have to either decrease his time at the job or in worst case get another one if he feels that you are worth it. And if he truly loves you, then he will think you are worth it.

I wonder if you have too much time on your hands. That can also be lethal in a relationship. Have you got any hobbies, or perhaps a job?

Most importantly, you must do whatever you think is right. It is always a very delicate situation to be in, and we could never have the exact right answer for you, because we are not you. We are not in your situation and do not feel like you do. Think of our responses as guidelines, not solutions.

[FoxyLaydee]

As everyone has stated - call him and cancel.

I felt so close and attracted to him last night, and we probably would have made love if the circumstances weren’t so tense with my kids upstairs because I felt so carried away. I cannot bear to be unfaithful to my husband.

You felt alone cause your H's away - you didn't feel close to him. I can't believe you kissed with your kids upstairs. What if they saw you both?? That is just wrong.

The worst thing is, before he left he said something like “Just one night…no one will find out…”

Yeah... and that does not tell you anything about what kinda guy he is?!

[bluesummer]

This guy sounds like a class-A loser. Just because his marriage is messed up, he thinks its okay to screw around with somebody else's? I'm sorry you got involved in this situation in the first place, but now you need to get yourself out.

Why is it that he your company while your husband is away? Do you not have any girl friends you can spend your time with? I think your loneliness drove you to this - and to him. I also think if you continue to keep his company you will do something you regret. Find a hobby or something, make yourself busy......and stay away from this guy.

[josie]

I called him to cancel and said that what happened was a mistake and that I don't feel like I can see him again because I love my husband and children.

I just hung up then.

Except, the door bell rang this morning and it was him (he knew that the kids were at my mothers today) and as soon as he came in he put his arms round me. I pushed him away and told him to leave.

This is horrible. I don't want him coming round. His daughter and mine are best friends to he's bound to bring her round sometime - we're guaranteed to encounter each other. I've just dug another hole for myself. How do I diffuse this now?

[FoxyLaydee]

I'm sure he would get the message if your H said something to him.

[vashti]

Ugh. You'd better hope he can keep his mouth shut. Not ony will you husband be hurt, but your daughter's friendship is in jeopardy, too.