Judging somebodies character

[Giggity]

I'm starting this thread because I have had a string of bad luck lately. To the point where my friends jokingly say I am cursed (However, I do know that there are people who have it much worse than myself in the luck department). I honestly don't know if I attract the wrong sort of person or if I subconsciously pick people that it won't work out with.

Since I have gone to university, I have had a girl get engaged the day after she went on a date with me (she said I made her realize who she truly belongs with haha).

Also, my friend and I developed feelings for each other and were all set for a date. However, she backed out, saying that she might be moving away and wouldn't want to start something. That didn't stop her from hooking up with my friend and neighbour three days later.

I've had a girl admit that she was leading me on and another one who told me they were using me to feel better about themselves.

One more example is that a girl who I was seeing for a month practically called the whole thing off because I came to her place drunk and ended up snoring.

Anyways, my whole point for this thread is to ask how to see the signs before I end up getting burned? I am obviously a horrible judge of character and I am convinced I missed signs that could have been an indicator that these things would happen. I also know there is no fullproof method, but is there anything in particular that you look for that may end up being a red flag? Besides asking "Are you crazy".

[Lozenger]

Hmmm
When a girl is interested, she:
1) Holds eye contact with you
2) talks to you enthusiastically
3) Twirls her hair around her fingers (not nervously) whilst you talk to her
4) Mirrors your body language eg you fold your arms, she folds hers.
5) She smiles alot
6) When you talk to her, her attention is on you. Which means she doesn't keep looking at her watch, she doesn't keep looking at doors and windows, she doesn't keep looking at her nails or a group of other people in the room/space outdoors ect.
7) Her body will face you and not be half facing away from you.

8) Dilated pupils when she looks at you and
9) A slight blush (although not everyone does this)

[vashti]

I don't think any of the things listed above should be counted on to determine if someone likes you except perhaps number 6.

If you want to know how to tell someone is getting ready to dump you, it is a pretty sure thing they will begin to pull away emotionally long before they make it official. If a girl seems to be increasingly distant, you are in trouble.

[Lozenger]

Yeah - I forgot to say about that, none of what I listed means they definitly like you, but they are good signs. So don't live by them lol
You will get people who are shyer and they may like you but seem to detest you


I hope you find somebody who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated

[Giggity]

Thanks Lozenger I don't think that is necessarily my problem though. With a lot of them, it was established that they liked me and I figured the signs were there.

My main thing, is that I think I just attract the wrong kind of people. I keep getting burned like the sucker that I am and I feel like I should see these things coming. Maybe I am just happy enough to have somebody interested in me that I don't do a good job at the "screening process".

So what are some of the things that people look for where they would be like "uh oh, could be a problem here". I'm all for a girl being upfront and honest with me, but some of the ways these things turned out makes me wonder about them as a person.

For example, one of them was telling me how they mentioned me to their mother and stuff and I had only known them a week. It did make me wonder. It seemed like they were too eager and maybe one of those over dramatic people.

That's true Vashti, often times the signs are there but people just don't admit it to themselves.

[Lozenger]

My main thing, is that I think I just attract the wrong kind of people. I keep getting burned like the sucker that I am



For example, one of them was telling me how they mentioned me to their mother and stuff and I had only known them a week. It did make me wonder. It seemed like they were too eager and maybe one of those over dramatic people.

Ok first things first, don't call yourself a sucker ever again.
That girl who mentioned you to her mum maybe glad that she's finally found a decent person to talk to.

If I think someone is pretending to like me, I usually find that:
1) They keep asking you to do favours for them but don't always do one for you
2) The smile on their face doesn't meet their eyes
3) They constantly mock you or that they get stressy with with over really little things but don't get stressy or as stressy with anyone else.

Again, I wouldn't live by it as this is just my experience with fake chums - who I've now ditched of course

But I heard this saying: People are like apples on trees. The good ones are on the top branches and the bad ones are on the lower branches. Some of the bad apples fall to the ground and very few of the good ones fall from the top branches coz the wind blew them off. But people have to go through the bad ones first before reaching the good ones and some lucky people may find a good one first time as it's already on the ground with some of the bad apples. And others only go for the bad ones as they are easier to reach whilst the good ones wait patiently at the top.

Your one of the good apples who has paired up with bad ones in the past and so you will find someone who is right for you. It may seem like you'll attract the wrong sort of person forever due to all this bad luck but it could easily swing the other way for you at any moment

[vashti]

Nice post, Lozenger.

Giggity - everyone has to weed through the losers. It isn't just you. I've kissed a lot of frogs in my day. It's all a part of the weeding-out process, and it is necessary in order to find the girl who is meant for you.

[GrkScorp]

Also, my friend and I developed feelings for each other and were all set for a date. However, she backed out, saying that she might be moving away and wouldn't want to start something. That didn't stop her from hooking up with my friend and neighbour three days later.

Your friend never told you about her being ready to move out? And then it developed into a date situation and she still didn't tell you? And then she told you that she was going to be moving out soon and you believed her why?

You need to be able to tell bullsh*t apart from genuine remarks..

Do you want to hear something funny? Do you want to know why you've had this "luck" in your life?

Because you allowed it to happen..

You allow it to happen in two ways..

1. I am certain that you come off as this weak and relatively clueless "nice guy" who can be easily fooled and toyed with.. And as you've seen.. this is an exploit that most girls can't resist.. the need to feel good about themselves outweighs any desire to be nice or considerate about your feelings.. If they can.. they will.. and all you're allowing them to do.. is feel like they "can" take advantage of your exploits to feel good about themselves.. and if they "can".. they "will".. (this also accounts for the reason you get such low-level excuses from women.. the context alone is a giveaway that it's a lie)

2. You lack personal power.. you're aware enough to realize that you're being fooled and manilupated after the fact.. that's good.. but you have to project power and strength in character.. just in your conversation alone.. to be able to capture your audience.. and be in total and absolute control of any social situation or interaction.. As you grow more comfortable with this power and control over social interactions in general.., not just specifically with girls..., you'll start to notice just how different of a reaction you get from people..

Suggested readings: (If it's not listed, it's NOT suggested)

- [ame="http://www.amazon.com/Never-Lied-Again-Conversation-Situation/dp/0312204280"]Amazon.com: Never Be Lied to Again: How to Get the Truth In 5 Minutes Or Less In Any Conversation Or Situation: David J. Lieberman: Books[/ame]

- [ame="http://www.amazon.com/Instant-Analysis-David-J-Lieberman/dp/0312194668/ref=pd_sim_b_img_6/002-6414768-8904051"]Amazon.com: Instant Analysis: David J. Lieberman: Books[/ame]

- [ame="http://www.amazon.com/How-Change-Anybody-Techniques-Attitude/dp/B000MKYKRW/ref=pd_sim_b_title_10"]Amazon.com: How to Change Anybody: Proven Techniques to Reshape Anyone's Attitude, Behavior, Feelings, or Beliefs: David J. Lieberman: Books[/ame]

- [ame="http://www.amazon.com/48-Laws-Power-Robert-Greene/dp/B00006JO24/ref=pd_sim_b_img_2/002-6414768-8904051"]Amazon.com: The 48 Laws of Power: Robert Greene: Books[/ame]

- [ame="http://www.amazon.com/Strategies-War-Joost-Elffers-Books/dp/0143112783/ref=pd_sim_b_img_9"]Amazon.com: The 33 Strategies of War (Joost Elffers Books): Robert Greene: Books[/ame]

- [ame="http://www.amazon.com/Covert-Persuasion-Psychological-Tactics-Tricks/dp/0470051418/ref=pd_sim_b_img_25"]Amazon.com: Covert Persuasion: Psychological Tactics and Tricks to Win the Game: Kevin Hogan,James Speakman: Books[/ame]

As you're going through all of them.. you'll already start to notice things about others that you were perhaps blind to in the past.. and when you're done reading all of them.., you'll feel a sense of intoxication come about.., just as with any new found power.. the control over others.. social dominance..

DON'T let it get to your head.. do NOT go overboard.., people are not your pawns.. you know what it feels like to be a pawn.. it's not a good feeling.. this isn't about getting even.. not about being spiteful.. this is about personal change and growth.. being able to exert great power and control over others.. but choosing not to.. a stick and a carrot to keep everyone in place.. just in case.. but not allowing it to become your default mode of dealing with others.. no longer being the one manipulated.. but not having to be the one who will manipulate either.. you'll realize on your own.. how to do this..

Best,

GrkScorp

[Illusional]

i think that it's pretty hard to judge someone's character unless you're willing to get to know them. you have to remember that falling in love is always about taking chances. if you're not willing to do that, then why bother falling in love??

raverboy

[Giggity]

Thanks everybody, you've all made some good points.

I guess it is easy to get frustated and think so negatively after a few bad experiences in a row. I guess the key is to be cautious, but to not wind up turning cynical.

GrkScorp I guess I do have that nice guy syndrome. In fact, the "nice guy" vs. "a real man" topic seems to be brought up a lot on this board. Not that a "man" isn't nice, but I gather that they have a different set of qualities and aren't wishy washy about stuff. I suppose it is all about maintaining a sort of balance. I also think it's time to change my attitude on these dates. I go in trying to impress them (which of course you are suppose to do), as opposed to looking for them to impress me. It's not much of a change, but I think that is a reflection of somebodies confidence and attitude.

You bring up a good point Illusional. I suppose the only people who go through life without getting hurt are those who don't even try. Which is much sadder then a couple rejections.

[Thatguy92790]

Sounds like Good luck chuck to me lol. Minus the whole sleeping with part. DOn't worry man. You will find someone.