Our worlds have been broken..

[Cain]

Remember that she's only 18. She doesn't have the experience to know that this is a meant to be relationship. Also keep in mind that almost every guy, unless he's a complete asshole, has heard the whole "you're the rarest kind of guy.. I'm so lucky to have you" comments.

If you want her parents to come around, you're going to have to respect their wishes and you two are going to have to actually stay apart. If they find out you have been seeing each other behind their backs, they won't come around. I know you two have been together for eight months, but those are her parents and if it comes down to it, she's going to choose them over you.

If you don't want to move on, so be it. That's your prerogative. You can wait it out and see what happens, and maybe you both will realize it wasn't as strong as you thought. Either way, you need to keep busy. The more free time you have the more time your heart has to miss her. I'm not telling you to forget about her completely, but you need to find other things to occupy your mind and time to avoid the most heartache.

[Daybreaker]

Remember that she's only 18. She doesn't have the experience to know that this is a meant to be relationship. Also keep in mind that almost every guy, unless he's a complete asshole, has heard the whole "you're the rarest kind of guy.. I'm so lucky to have you" comments.

If you want her parents to come around, you're going to have to respect their wishes and you two are going to have to actually stay apart. If they find out you have been seeing each other behind their backs, they won't come around. I know you two have been together for eight months, but those are her parents and if it comes down to it, she's going to choose them over you.

If you don't want to move on, so be it. That's your prerogative. You can wait it out and see what happens, and maybe you both will realize it wasn't as strong as you thought. Either way, you need to keep busy. The more free time you have the more time your heart has to miss her. I'm not telling you to forget about her completely, but you need to find other things to occupy your mind and time to avoid the most heartache.

Okay, thank you.

Why do you treat not moving on as a negative action?
Since when is negativity associated with being realistic? I think light needs to be shed on both sides of the story.

I know that it's possible that it isn't as strong as we thought.
But it's also possible that it is stronger than anything I'll ever know.

Some people do, in fact, stay together forever at this age. I'm not saying that is what is bound to happen with us, but I don't think everything should be refuted.

If it means anything, it wasn't simply a "comment" on how special she thought I was. I've received many letters and pieces of inscribed art explaining this. She once snatched me from my house at 1am to explain what I meant to her in a 4 hour conversation.

EDIT:
I know the position I'm in makes me seem delusional and desperate, but it's not impossible to have that rare type of love. The persistent, undying, timeless love that we all hope to experience. I know what I'm getting myself into.

I think I mean something to this girl, regardless of whether EVERY single guy has gotten the "comment."

[Cain]

My point wasn't that she really didn't feel it. My point was that she doesn't have the experience to say you're the one.

I definitely understand that you want to wait. If you think she's the one, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Just be ready to slow down or cease contact for a year or two if that's how long it takes to satisfy her parents.

And as mentioned, be prepared if she has to choose you or her parents.

And about you're "it could be stronger than anything I'll ever know" comment. It could be, but you'll never know.

Are you both planning on going to the same college together?

[Daybreaker]

My point wasn't that she really didn't feel it. My point was that she doesn't have the experience to say you're the one.

I definitely understand that you want to wait. If you think she's the one, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Just be ready to slow down or cease contact for a year or two if that's how long it takes to satisfy her parents.

And as mentioned, be prepared if she has to choose you or her parents.

And about you're "it could be stronger than anything I'll ever know" comment. It could be, but you'll never know.

Are you both planning on going to the same college together?

Ah that's brought me to something I can actually ponder.
Thanks for your help, Cain.
Heartache isn't easy. Especially if it's external.

EDIT:
Yes we'll be attending the same university. We have the ability to contact through e-mail, phone, facebook, and her friends. If we play it safe, it can expand.

I've been applying for many jobs lately, and I should be starting school in a couple months. It also, in a way, helps to know that she'll soon be out of town on vacation for 4 weeks anyway.

[Cain]

Ah that's brought me to something I can actually ponder.
Thanks for your help, Cain.
Heartache isn't easy. Especially if it's external.

EDIT:
Yes we'll be attending the same university. We have the ability to contact through e-mail, phone, facebook, and her friends. If we play it safe, it can expand.

I've been applying for many jobs lately, and I should be starting school in a couple months. It also, in a way, helps to know that she'll soon be out of town on vacation for 4 weeks anyway.

Just use this as a learning experience. Don't do anything her parents would deem disrespectful again if they let you back in.

[vashti]

at our 6 month mark, we were seen laying down on a couch together watching a movie, and her dad insisted that it was getting too late. Her curfew is midnight, and it was around 9pm.
.

This was incredibly foolish behavior. ^^ Laying together (affectionately, I presume) on a couch is pretty intimate behavior to display in front of her parents, who probably cringe at hand-holding. It is a little disrespectful of their feelings to be openly affectionate, IMO.

I have a daughter, and so I can see this from both perspectives. You are one of MANY boys who have been buzzing around their daughter like a fly, probably since she was about 14 or so. You aren't special to them - you are another fly trying to make time with the baby they have loved and nurtured, sacrificed for, and pinned all their hopes and dreams on since birth. They don't want one of you buzzing flies to screw up her life by getting her knocked up or giving her an STD. They want the absolute best for her, and why shouldn't they?

When she is an adult who is self-sufficient, she can make her own decisions (and to some extent, she will have this opportunity at college). But until then, she is dependent on them, and you both should respect that.

[Daybreaker]

This was incredibly foolish behavior. ^^ Laying together (affectionately, I presume) on a couch is pretty intimate behavior to display in front of her parents, who probably cringe at hand-holding. It is a little disrespectful of their feelings to be openly affectionate, IMO.

I have a daughter, and so I can see this from both perspectives. You are one of MANY boys who have been buzzing around their daughter like a fly, probably since she was about 14 or so. You aren't special to them - you are another fly trying to make time with the baby they have loved and nurtured, sacrificed for, and pinned all their hopes and dreams on since birth. They don't want one of you buzzing flies to screw up her life by getting her knocked up or giving her an STD. They want the absolute best for her, and why shouldn't they?

When she is an adult who is self-sufficient, she can make her own decisions (and to some extent, she will have this opportunity at college). But until then, she is dependent on them, and you both should respect that.

I hope this post doesn't seem to be rude, but here it goes..

We weren't touching when we were on the couch. We were on opposite ends.

It's not as if we were having intimate intercourse on the family dinner table. We weren't even touching.

Which perspective other than the parents' have you seen this in?
I understand them and I agree that I've greatly disrespected them. But we're both at fault. Not just me.

I may be one of many, but I'm not one LIKE many..
Her parents one day told me "Out of the guys she's been with, you're probably the only one we can approve of."

They've done a lot to show me that they're not going to put on this sugar-coated bullshit behavior JUST for me. Her dad told me what kind of parents they are, I've been exposed to it. I've supposedly gotten a "good grade."

This girl has been through a lot of shitty, abusive relationships and I'd like to think that I'm different. What's better than to hear it from the very people I'm concerned with right now?

I don't lie to them. They don't lie to me. That's how it works.
I'm good to her, I love making her happy. That's all I care about.

[Cain]

I hope this post doesn't seem to be rude, but here it goes..

We weren't touching when we were on the couch. We were on opposite ends.

It's not as if we were having intimate intercourse on the family dinner table. We weren't even touching.

Which perspective other than the parents' have you seen this in?
I understand them and I agree that I've greatly disrespected them. But we're both at fault. Not just me.

I may be one of many, but I'm not one LIKE many..
Her parents one day told me "Out of the guys she's been with, you're probably the only one we can approve of."

They've done a lot to show me that they're not going to put on this sugar-coated bullshit behavior JUST for me. Her dad told me what kind of parents they are, I've been exposed to it. I've supposedly gotten a "good grade."

This girl has been through a lot of shitty, abusive relationships and I'd like to think that I'm different. What's better than to hear it from the very people I'm concerned with right now?

I don't lie to them. They don't lie to me. That's how it works.
I'm good to her, I love making her happy. That's all I care about.

One thing you have to understand that with how protective these parents are, they can say that you've been the best bf she's had so far but still be looking for a way to get rid of you. They believe they can protect her better than you can since you're of the gender that has been doing all of the hurt to her.

[Daybreaker]

One thing you have to understand that with how protective these parents are, they can say that you've been the best bf she's had so far but still be looking for a way to get rid of you. They believe they can protect her better than you can since you're of the gender that has been doing all of the hurt to her.

Yeah I know.

What am I to them? Unnecessary.

Sure, a relationship between us may make her happy.
But what do they care?

Protective parents are willing to sacrifice things like that in order to keep their children "safe."

It's sucky, but I know that.

[Cain]

It's not that they don't care whether she's happy or not, it's that every guy before you has screwed up. As far as they are concerned, you're going to break her heart just like they did.

[Daybreaker]

It's not that they don't care whether she's happy or not, it's that every guy before you has screwed up. As far as they are concerned, you're going to break her heart just like they did.

What makes you think her past boyfriends made her happy?

They have nothing to prove that I'm going to break her heart.
It's a suspicion. A tendency of overprotective parents.
I've done nothing wrong to her.
I treat her the way she deserves to be treated, better than anyone I know. What sucks is at this point, it doesn't matter to them. I think it's completely up to her whether she's going to try to defend my name and our love, or let time take us away from each other.

It's shitty that they see me that way.

[Cain]

I didn't say that her past bfs made her happy. I said that it doesn't matter whether they did or not, her parents only know that they broke her heart. Until a great deal of time has passed, they feel you're going to break her heart too.

[vashti]

Why are you laying around on her parent's sofa? That would annoy me, too. Why didn't you jump up the second they walked in to make room for them on THEIR sofa?

Maybe they just think you hung around too much, making them strangers in their own home.

Of course they want their girl to be happy. It's just that LOTS of things can make a girl happy. I know. I am one. And yeah, her past BFs made her happy at the time, just as you were making her happy in your time. Do you really think they would have been her BF if they weren't making her happy at one time?

[Daybreaker]

Why are you laying around on her parent's sofa? That would annoy me, too. Why didn't you jump up the second they walked in to make room for them on THEIR sofa?

Maybe they just think you hung around too much, making them strangers in their own home.

Of course they want their girl to be happy. It's just that LOTS of things can make a girl happy. I know. I am one. And yeah, her past BFs made her happy at the time, just as you were making her happy in your time. Do you really think they would have been her BF if they weren't making her happy at one time?

Whether you want to doubt what I'm saying or not, I think I'm a little more knowing on the subject. I'm not trying to be a brat, either.

Her parents had company and:
a) we didn't want to bother them.
b) I was familiar enough to where I felt that I could use the same piece of furniture as my girlfriend of 6 months in their home.
c) they didn't want to sit down with us.
d) I did get up and I did leave immediately.

I never spent too much time in their home, I would visit once or MAYBE twice a week for no more than an hour or two.

Is it possible that instead of me being the rude, typical, barging-in, disrespectful boyfriend.. they're just abnormally overprotective parents that I should deal with?

Her past boyfriends offered her a feeling of security, and she would have to draw experience from relationships in order to really appreciate one. She was under pressure to remain in most of her previous relationships (only three of them). Some of them were due to threats of physical abuse, one of them would constantly pressure her into drug abuse. She told me that it's easy to come out of a shitty relationship and say that the next decent one is heavenly, but I'm someone different, special, and worth fighting for. I feel the same way about her.

It seems that people who give advice in these situations mistake being exaggeratedly negative for being a rationalist. I'm sorry if I seem rude. Beggars can't be choosers, I suppose.

We both agree that we'd be willing to let as much time as necessary calm things down.

[Cain]

Whether you want to doubt what I'm saying or not, I think I'm a little more knowing on the subject. I'm not trying to be a brat, either.

Her parents had company and:
a) we didn't want to bother them.
b) I was familiar enough to where I felt that I could use the same piece of furniture as my girlfriend of 6 months in their home.
c) they didn't want to sit down with us.
d) I did get up and I did leave immediately.

I never spent too much time in their home, I would visit once or MAYBE twice a week for no more than an hour or two.

Is it possible that instead of me being the rude, typical, barging-in, disrespectful boyfriend.. they're just abnormally overprotective parents that I should deal with?

Her past boyfriends offered her a feeling of security, and she would have to draw experience from relationships in order to really appreciate one. She was under pressure to remain in most of her previous relationships (only three of them). Some of them were due to threats of physical abuse, one of them would constantly pressure her into drug abuse. She told me that it's easy to come out of a shitty relationship and say that the next decent one is heavenly, but I'm someone different, special, and worth fighting for. I feel the same way about her.

It seems that people who give advice in these situations mistake being exaggeratedly negative for being a rationalist. I'm sorry if I seem rude. Beggars can't be choosers, I suppose.

We both agree that we'd be willing to let as much time as necessary calm things down.

What do you define as fighting for you?