Our worlds have been broken..

[Daybreaker]

Having a seat and laying on the couch aren't really the same thing, though. Anyway, when he says to loosen up, he doesn't really mean it. He wants to be a little bit scared of pissing him off.

What, are you trolling me or something?

I didn't know they existed on non-humor/politics forums.

Firstly, don't get offended when I make a comment. If you want to avoid people making certain comments, be more descriptive. You make it seem like she's never lied to you or her parents. People don't always tell everyone everything.

Secondly, do you really think her dad is going to kill you so that he can go to jail and not be able to protect his daughter from others? He went to jail, but did you ever stop to think about how long ago that might have been or what it was for? I can assure you it most likely wasn't a serious felony, because if it was he most likely would have been disbarred. Her father was using a scare tactic in order to get you to remember who the boss is and who you have to answer to if you break her heart. If you're the good guy and all her other ex's were assholes, why would he want to kill you when he could have killed them?

I know that it sucks. You want to be with her, but her parents are an obstacle right now. If she is really ready to stand up to her parents regarding your love for each other, she shouldn't let them come between you. She shouldn't make you wait two years until she moves out. But if she is dependent on them for now, don't be surprised if she does. I'll be honest, if my mother didn't like my gf and told me that I'd have to move out and that she wouldn't help me unless I broke up with her, I'd move out. There would be no one standing in my way of being with my gf.

I understand.. she's never lied to me. When it comes to negative things, she knows she's very open because in the beginning we agreed that it wouldn't be right and/or worth it if we weren't completely honest with each other. She'll tell me things I'd never want to know every so often. At least I can feel good that she's being honest.

I didn't take her father entirely seriously at the time (gun thing), but I certainly took heed. I know he wouldn't do anything violent, but I still feel that even though he really owed me none, it was incredibly lacking of respect. I know I was in their home, with their family, but it was a while before he began to talk casually with me.

How long have you been with your current gf?
How do you think she'd feel in that situation? She would want you to move out, of course?
Thanks for empathizing. (:

[vashti]

Daybreaker, I believe thus far I am the only parent who has posted on your thread. This makes me acutely aware of what runs through a parent's mind. Ironically, you were told virtually the same thing by lesa that I said, and you found her advice to be comforting. What's up with you? Are you a parent-hater or something?

What I said about her father not wanting you to be entirely comfortable is true. Sorry, but it is. Considering he caught you with your pants down and has forbidden you to see her anymore is pretty clear-cut evidence of this.

[Daybreaker]

Anyway, when he says to loosen up, he doesn't really mean it.

I still ultimately empathize with her parents. Sorry.

Daybreaker only wants to hear about what a victim he is, lesa, and how evil her parents are.

Personally, I love her father. this is exactly the kind of man you want to father your daughters.

Anyway, be happy.

I am offering you the parental perspective. If you want to grow as a person, you might try seeing things from their point of view.

What's up with you? Are you a parent-hater or something?

Pardon me, but after reading through all of that, I'm the last person to be accused of having any bias.
Stop trolling me. I get it. You love her dad. Carry on. I'm not a parent-hater, but you think I don't get your wise perspective because you're this sage, experienced parent.

It's cut quite clean, I understand your point damn well.

I prefer to be addressed on a non-negative basis, as lesa has done. Do you have a problem? You haven't said anything remotely as similar or respectful as lesa has.

Wonder why? Because she doesn't go around taking advantage of such a situation just to pull the "you don't know what you're talking about, I'm a parent" card.

Why is it that most adults and parents I meet assume that young adults think they're geniuses and greatly experienced?

Think about it, if you and lesa said the same thing, there must be something in your posts that I don't find attractive. Could it be the hostile "I agree with the hostile parent" attitude you're giving me? You decide.

Thank you, but no thank you.

[vashti]

Wow, you sure SOUND like an 18 year old. I can't imagine what her parents object to.

[Daybreaker]

Wow, you sure SOUND like an 18 year old. I can't imagine what her parents object to.

Please, if you're not here to help, discuss, or be productive..

[Mish]

I can't think of any solution to your situation Daybreaker apart from try to make amends to her parents to keep the peace. (Ones that would probably involve getting them something, listening to their diatribes and your confession of guilt followed by swearing never to repeat what happened again). I understand that would probably be very difficult, but since it's probably the best way out I think it's worth a try.

[Daybreaker]

I can't think of any solution to your situation Daybreaker apart from try to make amends to her parents to keep the peace. (Ones that would probably involve getting them something, listening to their diatribes and your confession of guilt followed by swearing never to repeat what happened again). I understand that would probably be very difficult, but since it's probably the best way out I think it's worth a try.

Do you think this is something that should be done soon, like immediately?

I thought of something like that, but I knew I would need to give it a little time in order for them to cool down about it.

I have a good feeling that her father is the type of person that, when angry, will disregard everything I have to say.

Thank you for the suggestion. (:

[overlooked]

cant read all those threads above cos it's too much...anyway,..i've read Vashti's form, and i 100% agree with her, i had a long good laugh when i read that...good ones vash! anyway DB,i just have to say that i was once in ur gf's position, meaning that my parents (read:not just my dad, but also my mum) are EXTREMELY overprotective to just any guys that i dated. Thankfully they never "caught" us together wearing underwear as u guys did. Even then, a slightest mistake that my bfs did (like wearing 3/4 length baggy jeans with a pair of summer sandals when meeting them) is enough to get my parents dislike them. like they said "very disrepectful". i ofcourse find it very ridiculous, and it caused us to have big fights cos they were just over criticise. Anyway...there's one mistake that one of bf's parents did that really caused everything. my parents forced me to stay away from my bf and his folks, they also told hem DIRECTLY to stay away from me. we certainly had a hard time, and i tried damn hard to fight it off, but in the end i just couldnt hold it anymore. i tried as hard as hell to stand up for my bf at that time, but no matter how hard i tried, my parents just didnt give in. i was so damn frustrated. i was still secretly dating my bf tho..however our relationship just wasnt the same anymore, to the point that i strangely started to losing my patience towards my bf. subsconciously i was still in my parents' side. they're MY parents, and nothing can change that. no matter how unreasonable they are. i just wished that my (then) bf would try alot harder to get approval from my parents at that time. To do anything and fight anything just to have me.

anyway...my suggestion to u is not to ever stop trying, DB. i know it's NOT going to be easy for u or ur ego (and dignity), but if ur gf is all that u treasure, u should really be patient about it. Slowly u should talk to her dad, u will certainly get rejected again and again for sure, be kind to them, show and tell them that u're sorry that u crossed the line with their daughter, and that u will do anything to make it up, and will play with their rules instead of yours, because u love their daughter so much and serious (also mean it). try and do anything to get them to like u, DB. i'd suggest the first step maybe u should write a letter (since obviously talking directly to them is seemed too hard at this point), send them a letter accompanied with a bottle of good wine perhaps...take ur time. gradually, try to call them on the phone, before ur last attempt to meet them in person. i'm sure that no matter how hard parents can be, they also want their daughter to have someone who trully loves them at all cost. and all that said, this is ur serious test.

[Mish]

Do you think this is something that should be done soon, like immediately?

I thought of something like that, but I knew I would need to give it a little time in order for them to cool down about it.

I have a good feeling that her father is the type of person that, when angry, will disregard everything I have to say.

Thank you for the suggestion. (:

I don't know when, it's a sensitive subject. But I'm sure if you consult with your gf about that she will give you some advice about the timing. It doesn't mean it will work either, but often an apology and willingness to listen and understand goes a long way.

I don't think they object to you personally (at least from the information you've given) just the idea that you were disrepsecting their house (and thus them) as well as the fear of getting their daughter knocked up which goes without saying. I guess if you get an opportunity to talk to them again (if you are lucky enough it be given) just listen, understand, apologize as many times as necessary and make amends where necessary. Don't bicker and don't get defensive.

[Daybreaker]

I don't know when, it's a sensitive subject. But I'm sure if you consult with your gf about that she will give you some advice about the timing. It doesn't mean it will work either, but often an apology and willingness to listen and understand goes a long way.

I don't think they object to you personally (at least from the information you've given) just the idea that you were disrepsecting their house (and thus them) as well as the fear of getting their daughter knocked up which goes without saying. I guess if you get an opportunity to talk to them again (if you are lucky enough it be given) just listen, understand, apologize as many times as necessary and make amends where necessary. Don't bicker and don't get defensive.

That's what I've been doing, I've been very respectful, her father gave me a call and he was a bit calmer.

I forgot my medication at their house and he wasn't furious about returning it to me.

My gf says that they're a lot more upset with her than with me.
They say at least I was honest when I spoke with her father.
But they're being very harsh on her..

[IndiReloaded]

DB, the fact her parents CARE enough to set standards for their daughter should be incredibly reassuring to you. For her sake.

The fact that it may throw a wrench in your short term plans is, frankly, too bad. You're the boyfriend, which means its your job to make a good impression on her parents. Which means being respectful of the rules of their home whenever you happen to visit there. And if you are given a bit of a hard time by her father, well, that's the lot of boyfriends. Suck it up. My father made my boyfriends jump through hoops that would make you cringe (tho several sheds, retaining walls & various projects around our house got completed that way, lol).

If you care about this girl enough that you foresee things lasting longterm, you need to find a way to make peace with this gals parents. Mish's idea of an apology for offending them sounds like a good start.

Good luck.

[vashti]

My father made my boyfriends jump through hoops that would make you cringe (tho several sheds, retaining walls & various projects around our house got completed that way, lol).

That's a good weeding-out strategy, actually. The boys who really weren't interested in you for more than sex probably ran off whining about what a bastard your dad was.

[IndiReloaded]

Actually, not too many ran off, lol. Which is why we got so much free yard work done. I think my dad knew a good thing when he saw it.

My husband is, naturally, extraordinarily handy around the house (HIS job was to help put in a fence around the pool!). So could be good old dad had a plan all along...

[Daybreaker]

That's a good weeding-out strategy, actually. The boys who really weren't interested in you for more than sex probably ran off whining about what a bastard your dad was.

Yep, that's why I'm into this girl. I can't wait to piledrive her and sex her until she cries! I don't give a shit about respecting her or her emotions! Hell, I might as well get her pregnant!
Was what I just said funny? Hell no.
And neither were you.

The boys who weren't interested in you for more than sex probably stopped talking to you, they probably didn't constantly ponder ways to apologize to the family, they probably didn't tremble, mortified because they couldn't imagine a day without you. This is difficult for me to convey properly, but I would do anything for this to work out. I would labor for her parents all day and night, just to be able to spend a touchless/wordless 30 seconds with their daughter.. under their supervision. I would DIE for an opportunity like that.

[IndiReloaded]

Yep, that's why I'm into this girl. I can't wait to piledrive her and sex her until she cries! I don't give a shit about respecting her or her emotions! Hell, I might as well get her pregnant!

Are you really? No wonder her father doesn't want you around.

What's your problem, DB? Are you so self-absorbed that you can't see any humour in your situation?

I would labor for her parents all day and night, just to be able to spend a touchless/wordless 30 seconds with their daughter.. under their supervision. I would DIE for an opportunity like that.

If this is how you are around her parents, you most certainly need to apologize. Lighten up.