I am trapped in someone else's love.

[Cain]

I tried to read you whole post soulkiss, but I couldn't get past the part where you say he has wasted her youth at the age of 26, and that she is almost old. You totally lost your credibility at that point. 26 is still PLENTY young enough to move on.

I skipped her whole post when I saw the giant block of text. When I try to read posts without paragraphs I start having pseudo-seizures.

[Gigabitch]

That's not love, Fadetoblack. Get that straight and the way out will seem more clear.

[FadeToBlack]

Thank you all for the replies. Everyone gave me a slightly different prospective. I kind of see things slightly different now. I appreciate this. Especially given my first post was a total mess, I was upset because of something that just happened before I wrote all this.

Soulkiss, you have really thoughtful approach. I am sorry for how things unfolded for you.

Vashti, I have to agree with Soulkiss - being a 26 old male if plenty different from being a 26 old female. And not in the good way.

Of course I've thought about what if I wake up one day and I am 50 and alone . . . Sometimes even this feels tempting compared to being together. Thankfully it's not 100% of the time. Sometimes I can almost forget and imagine the past is just a nightmare and the future holds a much better and complete life.

Gigabitch, you are right. That's not love. Or at least not love as most people understand it. Would you care to share what love is?

I am not drifting. I want a normal life and we both are proactively doing what we can to get there. I just wish it wasn't that impossible sometimes.

We have a rich life. There is a lot of potential. But how do you find the love you lost somewhere in between the arguing and emotional sado-masochism? Has anyone reading this succeeded?

The one thing that exhausts me the most is her neediness. Life to her is limited to the relation ship, the relation ship is to build upon not the other way around. Everything else is just an accessory. Work, friends, hobbies . . . those really don't exist and are things that drive attention away from the relationship. Not that I don't have my hobbies, or friends, but it all comes with a ton of guilt that I have to deal with.

I need some alone time. She doesn't. Things like that . . .

Again, thank you all. It's a better day today.

[IndiReloaded]

Noone is perfect, Black. We all have our issues. Question is, can you find it within yourselves to work on your issues together? Do you even want to? And if so, are you being realistic about your chances of making any progress?

There's no right or wrong answer to this question, btw. Its not a test. Some couples have issues which make them fundamentally bad for each other. In fact, they can feed off each other & create an endless downward spiral of living hell. At some level, there has to be a fit for generating SOME positive interactions. She needs to be strong where you aren't & vice-versa. If this isn't the case, I'd seriously consider leaving.

If her issues are so deep that its affecting YOUR ability to live (and there are plenty of sad, soul-sucking ppl like that out there), then, again, you need to seriously consider moving on. If you are doing things that cause her to react poorly to you, it may be something you can fix. Or not, it really depends. These things are rarely one-sided unless she is mentally ill.

It takes two people, working together, to make a relationship happy & healthy. But it only takes one to make it an absolutely horrible experience.

You aren't seeing anyone else, by chance, are you? Be honest, its the internet.

[vashti]

Vashti, I have to agree with Soulkiss - being a 26 old male if plenty different from being a 26 old female. And not in the good way..

If you think 26 is nearly "old" for a female, your perception of women has been very warped, probably in part because you have saddled yourself with someone you don't love for 10 years.

[IndiReloaded]

I would have said this whole thread was a troll, except I actually know a couple like this. Friends of mine were high school sweethearts, each others firsts, and are now married w/a couple kids.

There were some bumpy times, tho. Yikes. Its not all love that makes it work, folks. A good deal of stubbornness (as regards marriage) can be real helpful to move past the difficult periods.

Black, basically your choices are to get married (or equivalent) and work on your issues, or to move on. Make your choice & then act accordingly. Its way past time you decided. This is NOT a mutual decision, BTW. At some point, each person in a relationship has to decide whether continuing or breaking will serve them best. Its not selfish, its reality. Noone should force themselves into a miserable existence. And ultimately, it can be the kindest thing you do for someone like your GF if she is emotionally weak. She may NEED a break like this to cause her to grow. Some ppl need to hit rock bottom before pulling their socks up. Be ready for her to hate you tho, she sounds like the sort that will need that anger to survive. Suck it up.

Good luck.

[Soulkiss]

I tried to read you whole post soulkiss, but I couldn't get past the part where you say he has wasted her youth at the age of 26, and that she is almost old. You totally lost your credibility at that point. 26 is still PLENTY young enough to move on.

It's not about her youth being wasted, cause I'm sure theres plenty of great memories within that ten years. It's about the possibility of her finding love. A women is pressured to be married and have childrens by 35. She won't recover immediately after the seperation, could take several years or even longer. By the time shes 30, the chance of her going through partners and finding the right one to settle with becomes exceedingly difficult. I'm sorry but this is the reality. Don't point a pistol at me for it lol Point it toward the society.

26 may be considered young to people that falls in and out of love easily. But can you call that real love? People like that have the game mentality. And it's obvious that Fadetoblack and his girl doesn't have that sort of mentality. And players would eventually want to settle down and start their own family.

[Cain]

It's not about her youth being wasted, cause I'm sure theres plenty of great memories within that ten years. It's about the possibility of her finding love. A women is pressured to be married and have childrens by 35. She won't recover immediately after the seperation, could take several years or even longer. By the time shes 30, the chance of her going through partners and finding the right one to settle with becomes exceedingly difficult. I'm sorry but this is the reality. Don't point a pistol at me for it lol Point it toward the society.

26 may be considered young to people that falls in and out of love easily. But can you call that real love? People like that have the game mentality. And it's obvious that Fadetoblack and his girl doesn't have that sort of mentality. And players would eventually want to settle down and start their own family.

How old are you?

[Soulkiss]

I skipped her whole post when I saw the giant block of text. When I try to read posts without paragraphs I start having pseudo-seizures.

Cain you're very manly...

It's fine cause I've never intended for other people to see it. I wrote with the intention of delivering a message only to Fadetoblack, I don't expect other people to understand without expericing.


By the way, in case you didn't sense my sarcasm =)

[IndiReloaded]

It's not about her youth being wasted, cause I'm sure theres plenty of great memories within that ten years. It's about the possibility of her finding love. A women is pressured to be married and have childrens by 35. She won't recover immediately after the seperation, could take several years or even longer. By the time shes 30, the chance of her going through partners and finding the right one to settle with becomes exceedingly difficult. I'm sorry but this is the reality. Don't point a pistol at me for it lol Point it toward the society.

26 may be considered young to people that falls in and out of love easily. But can you call that real love? People like that have the game mentality. And it's obvious that Fadetoblack and his girl doesn't have that sort of mentality. And players would eventually want to settle down and start their own family.

What is it that you are trying to say, tho, SK? There doesn't actually seem to be any advice here, just your own idea about how women need to be married by 30 or they are doomed to be alone forever.

LOL, I'm sure Giga will love to read how you don't think she'll be able to get married & have anymore kids. Yikes, you sound like you are 19 or 20 years old at most.

[vashti]

By the time shes 30, the chance of her going through partners and finding the right one to settle with becomes exceedingly difficult.

I'll be sure to mention that to the (many) women I know who have married past the age of 30.



Do you live in a small town or something?

[Cain]

Cain you're very manly...

It's fine cause I've never intended for other people to see it. I wrote with the intention of delivering a message only to Fadetoblack, I don't expect other people to understand without expericing.


By the way, in case you didn't sense my sarcasm =)

That was the best sarcastic response ever. No... really.

Learn to separate your rambling into paragraphs, twit.

[Soulkiss]

Thank you all for the replies. Everyone gave me a slightly different prospective. I kind of see things slightly different now. I appreciate this. Especially given my first post was a total mess, I was upset because of something that just happened before I wrote all this.

Soulkiss, you have really thoughtful approach. I am sorry for how things unfolded for you.

Vashti, I have to agree with Soulkiss - being a 26 old male if plenty different from being a 26 old female. And not in the good way.

Of course I've thought about what if I wake up one day and I am 50 and alone . . . Sometimes even this feels tempting compared to being together. Thankfully it's not 100% of the time. Sometimes I can almost forget and imagine the past is just a nightmare and the future holds a much better and complete life.

Gigabitch, you are right. That's not love. Or at least not love as most people understand it. Would you care to share what love is?

I am not drifting. I want a normal life and we both are proactively doing what we can to get there. I just wish it wasn't that impossible sometimes.

We have a rich life. There is a lot of potential. But how do you find the love you lost somewhere in between the arguing and emotional sado-masochism? Has anyone reading this succeeded?

The one thing that exhausts me the most is her neediness. Life to her is limited to the relation ship, the relation ship is to build upon not the other way around. Everything else is just an accessory. Work, friends, hobbies . . . those really don't exist and are things that drive attention away from the relationship. Not that I don't have my hobbies, or friends, but it all comes with a ton of guilt that I have to deal with.

I need some alone time. She doesn't. Things like that . . .

Again, thank you all. It's a better day today.

Fade, you're going through something called burnout. burning out and not loving her is two completely different things. Don't get it mixed up. I think part of the issue is you've been together for 10 years now and you think there isn't much more to learn about each other, things with colors are becoming monochrome. Lets supposed that you've left her and found new meanings in love again, it wont stop this situation from recourring, it's something you need to work through not avoid or escape. how many 5 years do we have? So many people would die for a genuine realationship like the one you have. Being with someone from beginning to end, childhood sweetheart to now. Relationship like that tends to last, at least in a higher probability. At least the successful couples that I've come across seems to have that something in common..

your relationship could transceed into a new level if all the knots are untied, it just makes it so much more meaninful and rewarding if the both of you work through this stage. You should let her know that you're burning out and you feel restraint around her and you can't breathe properly. You feel like theres a rope around your neck, if she truly loves you she would either let go or try to fix whatever issues thats making you feel that way. If she cant, at least let her know you're not trying to leave her for someone else. By destroying her, you're only tearing yourself apart. Slowly but surely, simply because shes someone you've once loved.

And what if she really ended her life? Could you live on the rest of your life with that burden? A lot of people here are telling you things that they think is in your best interest, but without having being thoughtful to the situation. At least not to the extent of having been through similar experiences.

Would leaving her truly free yourself from feeling trapped? I can tell you it may and it may not. one thing I'm certain is if something bad happened to her, you've just trapped yourself.

Suiciding is not a light matter, I can't believe how some of these people look at it as if it's nothing. I guess it's because they haven't try to see things in your shoes. Now I know I'm going to get some flames or whatsoever from people who would defend the sincerity of their advice, but I truly don't think they have enough feelings in such situation to comprehend matters but I respect them for their insights and their willingness to help you. I'm just doing the same thing, but in another perspective. People here are all trying to help, and it's good to have alternative views right? You cna't find comfort in numbers, you can only find it through your own heart. If there is still emotion and arguments then theres still love. Tell her how you feel and only one side giving does not equate to fullness. She needs to do her part too. Regain control, seems like shes lost and confused just as much. Women cannot deal with loneliless as men can. Thats the truth and no matter what people say to you to defend their eogs and pride, it doesn't change that fact. It's something that we learn with a tough price. I'm sorry if I can't be of any more assistence to you but I really hope things work out well for you as well as for her.

Take care and fadetoblack is an awesome song, one of my favorite I play it all the time!

[Soulkiss]

Thank you all for the replies. Everyone gave me a slightly different prospective. I kind of see things slightly different now. I appreciate this. Especially given my first post was a total mess, I was upset because of something that just happened before I wrote all this.

Soulkiss, you have really thoughtful approach. I am sorry for how things unfolded for you.

Vashti, I have to agree with Soulkiss - being a 26 old male if plenty different from being a 26 old female. And not in the good way.

Of course I've thought about what if I wake up one day and I am 50 and alone . . . Sometimes even this feels tempting compared to being together. Thankfully it's not 100% of the time. Sometimes I can almost forget and imagine the past is just a nightmare and the future holds a much better and complete life.

Gigabitch, you are right. That's not love. Or at least not love as most people understand it. Would you care to share what love is?

I am not drifting. I want a normal life and we both are proactively doing what we can to get there. I just wish it wasn't that impossible sometimes.

We have a rich life. There is a lot of potential. But how do you find the love you lost somewhere in between the arguing and emotional sado-masochism? Has anyone reading this succeeded?

The one thing that exhausts me the most is her neediness. Life to her is limited to the relation ship, the relation ship is to build upon not the other way around. Everything else is just an accessory. Work, friends, hobbies . . . those really don't exist and are things that drive attention away from the relationship. Not that I don't have my hobbies, or friends, but it all comes with a ton of guilt that I have to deal with.

I need some alone time. She doesn't. Things like that . . .

Again, thank you all. It's a better day today.

I'll be sure to mention that to the (many) women I know who have married past the age of 30.



Do you live in a small town or something?

I live in New York and I travel a lot.

I'm sorry if you think I'm disrespectful to women when it comes to the sensitivity of age. Why must you let your own ego consume you?

The guys that are into 30's + are usually 40's plus who have troubles finding dates.

[vashti]

You are right, indi. Definitely a kid.