Hi!
Time for my new thread, its been a long time!
So, I turned 20 last month and still i haven't had any real relationship. I am even still a virgin, but oddly enough I feel like I need to be in a relationship first.
So I am just sick of it. Summer just hit and already I am feeling like in a routine, wether doing physical work or sitting home doing mental work or scratching my balls. So today I went to a party, it was sort of underground rock gathering, most of the people were from art schools etc, really deep. As I was standing there, alone, looking cute and all, one pretty girl stood directly beside me, I thought about approaching but then she went to her boyfriend. There also these big clubs, but somehow I have never felt attracted to them, different kind of people. Besides, people there want money and car. But I want people to want me.
Now I am facing the dilemma that there are no pretty girls who are interested in me, still single. There have been pretty girls who I have liked, but they are all taken and I am ****ing sick of this shit. I am beginning to lose trust in girls general. Why do they need to make themselves so available when clearly they are in relationship? As you probably know I have had this kind of problem before. I am not talking about girls who stand alone in bars, that is not the case at all, I am talking about girls who are really outgoing and flirty when you start to talk to them.
I also have a crush in school. We even took classes together but it never got past from really hot eye contact. We talked, but as it seems, we are both really shy and I greatly suspect she already has somebody, thats because she is on phone very often and that sometimes she is really cold. Anyway, school is over for now and I feel like I have lost my chance completely, partly because of my insecurities which involve girls having boyfriends. Oh, and I probably won't need to mention that it is so easy to talk to a girl you are not interested in, but very damn hard to speak to a girl who cuts your feet with her aura.
Now I want to know how I can face and abandon these insecurities. Right now it seems like every party I go, everyone already has boyfriends/girlfriends and I feel so alone. And even oddly enough i don't have any friends who are interested in going to clubs... Sometimes i feel that maybe I am on wrong path in life, i am searching from wrong places. But where should I look? How do you know if you have choosen the right career, right path, right people? How do you know if your life is right? I have always known what I don't want to do, but there is still a question of what should I be doing...
This sounds like a random rant, but at least I got it off from my chest. What is your opinion? Any help?