What to do?

[enterprise]

Well my question is simple, some of you have read my posts before. The summer came and I was to busy catching up on 3 weeks of work that i missed and doing all my exams and final projects and sort of didn't get to talk to her. My old good talking time was class time and Saturday night, neither of which she is there for.

My question is what can I do? I don't really want to wait a full summer since there is no actual place I'll be seeing her. I mean she only lives like a 5 minute walking distance from me, she is so close and yet so far. Not sure if I can do anything. You don't just go form a hi to a come over, do you?

[shh!]

Call her up and ask her if she wants to go swimming. If you are worried about being alone with her, ask a whole group of people.

[enterprise]

But I thought your not supposed to call a girl out of the blue that you don't know THAT well. Not to mention I can't swim, well I'm going to take lessons next month but ya...I would do something else with her.

[Cain]

But I thought your not supposed to call a girl out of the blue that you don't know THAT well. Not to mention I can't swim, well I'm going to take lessons next month but ya...I would do something else with her.

There are no written rules on this... it's just opinion. Honestly, I think the whole "calling after so many days and never before" is kind of stupid at the very beginning. How can you get her interested if you don't make her think you're interested?

[GrkScorp]

But I thought your not supposed to call a girl out of the blue that you don't know THAT well.

You can break all The Rules.., and do anything you want.., for as long as you don't create some awkward vibe or make things into some big deal..

You can walk right up to her front door.., knock on her door.., and just casually smile and invite her to go to the beach.., then smile again.., internally laughing at how nervous she is.., and just say bye in a slow.., non-cocky.., warm & friendly way..

Are you kidding me? This is like the fantasy most little girls have anyway.., from Disney.., Hollywood.., Nickelodeon.., etc.. It's so powerful.., that it persists late through adolescence.., often.., all it takes.., is actually making her feel pretty.., attractive.., and loved.. (it's that simple.., see.., and you thought they were complicated)

Target profile: The girl you're interested in has low self-esteem.., which makes your life a whole lot easier.., "somewhat".., since it's much easier for her to be flattered by anything you do.., aside from what she projects externally.., (which trust me.., is clearly just an act & prescription to disguise how she feels inside).., she doesn't even feel she's worthy of such male attention.., questions her self-worth.., and definitely doesn't feel pretty.., or loved.. (by any potential romantic interest).., the situation is complicated.., because her external representation of herself is very important.., she wants to maintain the image that she is unaffected by any attention or validation you are giving her (to stay consistent with her act & prescription).. so although she may dream about a guy coming into her life and doing exactly that.., she will quickly dismiss it defensively and in a guarded manner.., or feed into an ego/attention/validation cycle.., rather than go beyond it..

When you talk to her this way.., not asking but inviting.., not a question but a statement.., not seeking her approval but making her a generous offer.., you are not just a source of attention or validation for her ego.., you become more than that.. you become a potential romantic interest.., a guy she may or may not have the option of starting a relationship with.., she'll just have to find out.., but he looks warm & friendly enough with a genuine and inviting smile on his face.., so it's not this impossible or very difficult prospect..

All of a sudden.., it's very realistic that you may be the guy who is able to fulfill some of her needs (relationship).., and wants (attention.., feeling wanted.., loved.., adored.., desired.., being able to walk around knowing she really has a bf.., being able to tell her friends about all the things you do for her.., or all the things you guys do together.., actually having a romantic partner to do all those things with.., etc).., and you are just within reach.., (you fcukn' knocked on her door!).., all she has to do is show up to the beach.., you've just implanted the idea of you as a romantic interest in her head..

For as long as you never make things awkward or make anything out to be some big deal.., then you can expect compliance.., but never expect her to initiate jack sh*t.. or escalate.., "compromise" is a word thrown at men.., by women.., which basically means.., "throw away any of your desires.., needs or wants.., because I have plenty of mine.., and we wouldn't want them clashing now would we?".., part of her feeling feminine and good about herself.., and comforting her low self-esteem.., is her feeling "desired.., wanted.., adored.., chased after.., as if she's so attractive and sexy.., and such an amazing person.., that you can't help yourself.., this disproportional exchange of token interest.., is her definition of romantic.., and to her.., it makes her feel that you care.., which makes her grow comfortable and feel safe with the idea of seeing you as someone she can be in a relationship with.., otherwise.., she will doubt herself and your interest in her"

So.., throw these silly little concepts of "mutual.., respect.., fair.., equal.., your needs & wants" to the side.. girls with low self-esteem can't even begin to think about that.., it's mentally impossible for them to focus on you.., they're too busy focusing on themselves.., waiting for you to do something.., to make the next step.., to show some interest.., to produce some reaction.., etc..

Knowing this.., now.., you can see why you can break all the rules for as long as you don't make things awkward or ever make anything out to be a big deal..

If you feel like calling her.., call her.., if you feel like crashing her family BBQ party.., do it.., if you feel like knocking on her door and passing by for 2 minutes to invite her to the beach.., do it.., there's no reason to think about anything.., if you're "thinking" you're losing.., just "do".., because nothing is a big deal.., unless you make it out to be..

[enterprise]

To Cain: very true statement. Thanks, sometimes I just ened a little reminder.
GrkScorp: Good advice, will take it into account. Thanks again : o)

Now to general post:
I will call her on Sunday. When our mutual best friend leaves for a month to do English in Europe. She's nice and all but she'd only complicate things for me and she'd find out and bug me about it. It's nothing ot be embarrassed of but it just amkes things easier.

Now question, if she is genuinely busy, what then? Call another time after a brief break?? This is what worries me most, I havn't the faintest idea.

On a side note I find it humorous that I keep thinking to myself that calling would make her think I like her when that's pretty much the message I want to send : o)

[zoso]

Everyone is worried about rejection. Her knowing that you like her, and rejecting you, makes you nervous about her knowing that information.

Honestly, it's best if she knew. You'll regret it if you don't ask, think of it that way.

[enterprise]

Everyone is worried about rejection. Her knowing that you like her, and rejecting you, makes you nervous about her knowing that information.

Honestly, it's best if she knew. You'll regret it if you don't ask, think of it that way.

That's the key motivation. I'd rather try and fail then regret not trying.

[enterprise]

One quick question. I'm going to call tomorrow. She was away for a bit so I couldn't call her but she came back Sunday. So pretty much, I say hi and get through all that babble.Then say something like (friends names) are coming over saturday to watch a movie and play basketball and hang around. It should be fun and you and your sister should come. (friends) are coming at (time).

That pretty much it?

[shh!]

Sounds good, enterprise. She is probably looking for something to do. I don't know how much she will enjoy her sister being invited (unless they are exceptionally close). It might be better to consider inviting one of her girlfriends, but I am sure you know best.

[enterprise]

they are very close but the only one of her friends that i know is in Italy right now.

[enterprise]

another question to add on to the last. Were both taking summer school and finishing next years English. I may not even be free this weekend, should i wait till the end of the month when it ends. However she might meet someone at summer school and i might miss my chance, what should I do? I'm caught between my head and heart. Advice please.

[shh!]

My advice is that you quit thinking about this so much. You are going to paralyze yourself with fear. If you are free, and you want to hang with some friends, then invite her. This is not a marriage proposal, hun. You can invite her this weekend AND in one month (or whenever).