Cheating...

[clearskies]

with all of your recent posts, i'm wondering how insecure you really are about life in general.

raverboy

Sure, that is right. This insecurity is attributed to being betrayed, deceived or cheated and lied upon a number of times. That made me always trying to be cautious but not quite cautious. The thing is that I trust people - even those i am meeting for the first time- , I believe in every word they say as if they were saints on earth but after sometime my mind starts to work and realises what was said did not sound logic. I complete the puzzle and see the full picture of the one I am dealing with and at that time I put an end to this relationship and feel really bad, being betrayed.

[clearskies]

if the victim wishes to forgive then that is entierly their choice. probably i would not. last time i was cheated on i remained on friendly terms with the young lady but i will never agian trust her with anything important. and trust me when i tell you that the loss is hers.

I think a human being can easily say 'I forgave someone who did so and so to me' but will he/she really forgive from the bottom of his heart?

For myself, bad old memories will come up sooner or later. Women have good memory, this makes forgiveness worse and more difficult to actually happen.

[Kromat]

People cheat because their partner doesn't give them a specific need ( ex. sex, money, child support, trust )

I think once people get married, some people tend to change and start blaming the other.

P.S. some don't mean for it to happen, but it does, so we have to accept the consequences.

[bluesummer]

People cheat because their partner doesn't give them a specific need ( ex. sex, money, child support, trust )

So you are saying it is the fault of the person who's been cheated on that their partner cheated on them?

That's a dangerous and unfair assumption.

Quite often a cheater has their OWN personal problems (insecurity, commitment issues etc etc) that cause them to do what they do. They will often try to find some fault - any fault - with their partner to justify their actions.

[Illusional]

skies... maybe it's because you let these people deceive you. if i told you that i was an asshole and you didn't believe me from the beginning, then is it my fault that you believed my lies?

raverboy

[clearskies]

The problem is that I always attract people who are good talkers than doers, who are not straight in their actions & words the way I am. All those I have met in my life, although they are not many indeed, used to deceive and take advantage of others. It is a real problem to me. No one will say he is a bad guy, might be if someone said that to me and that was true, I will accept him as he is and respect his saying the truth, but until now I have never met such a guy who never tells a lie. Again, what makes it a real problem for me is the way I was brought up, I was always told all people are nice and they should make no mistakes. Life proved to me that was absolutely wrong, we are still on earth and not in heavens living with angels.

[Illusional]

that is where you were mislead. there is no heaven and not too often you will find a genuine stranger.

i say if you know that you too easily trust people and you don't do anything to change yourself, then it is your fault. you know what is wrong about you, yet you do nothing.

raverboy

[clearskies]

What am I supposed to do?? Is there a thing to be done? a training to help for example? It is like I am sliding down the hill. On the first time, I resist and my mind works well. On the second or third time I slip and start talking with confidentialty and frankness as if I have known this person for ages while ihe is alll new to me. The worse is that i convince myself he is my match as if he were made for me! I know that is bad but how to resist?

[Illusional]

first stop believing that everything is fine.

let me say, i was dating this girl and i thought she was perfect. she had the personality and the looks, only later did i find out she was still with her ex. stupidly a couple years later, the incident repeated itself because i let myself believe that things were better.

what i'm getting at is that you need to beaware of your actions. i let myself be deceived because i wanted to believe in her.

when i meet people, i am all too trusting. i still have my doubts and that probably saves me from some heartaches. this is probably what you have to do. not everyone you meet in genuine, but as you get older, and the number of available people drop, people are more inclined to want to start something solid.

raverboy

[clearskies]

I am so sorry to hear that... I had a similar painful experience with my ex. He kept chasing me with phone calls to get back together, after divorce, if I did this and that for him. Once I did what he requested from me such as leaving him my house stuff or money, he never appeared after that. He used to appear later, a year after or less, with a similar story and new requirements. I used to forget or made myself forget what he has done before and used to do what he wanted again. Once finished, he disappeared again and so on. Now to put an end to this continual pain, I never answer his calls or msgs. Even if by mistake i answered him over the mobile, I just hang up.

[Kromat]

So you are saying it is the fault of the person who's been cheated on that their partner cheated on them?

That's a dangerous and unfair assumption.

I'm saying he/she blames him/her for not giving a need he/ she wants and they get cheated on.
It might be temporary, but if they find a better suites before the other has changed, it ends up in divorce.
Blue, u seem to not understand, that instead of talking it through, they'd rather lie like nothing else is happening behind their back.

Quite often a cheater has their OWN personal problems (insecurity, commitment issues etc etc) that cause them to do what they do. They will often try to find some fault - any fault - with their partner to justify their actions.

I agree with your comment, and that's what my message was about, blaming the other and trying to end it because they're not ready to go to the next step or take responsibilities for their actions.

[Asparagoose]

Yeah? Well try going through it. Imagine finding letters your gf wrote via email to some other dude telling them what she wanted to do to him sexually, how much she loved him and couldn't wait to have a future together, and children.........imagine reading that. Tell me it wouldn't break your heart.

Imagine if this was your girlfriend

[url]http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/735507032.html[/url]

That would be heartbreaking.

[Illusional]

CS, i'm not sorry that this happened in my past. i learned from it and now i'm stronger.

as for your ex.. wow i never thought that you were married. how old are you again?

raverboy

[clearskies]

I might be the older on the forum.. 35

[Illusional]

haha 35... there are still some who are older than you...

raverboy