I'm so ****ing fed up

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

I am so torn up inside with my life. I am beginning to hate my parents to the point where whenever I leave there is no turning back. Everybody is always saying how spoiled I am with my parents when they hardly know anything. You could spoil me with money and clothes and all that shit but it will never be as worthy as love and care. NEVER. I feel like I am taking care of 4 children, with only ONE being my OWN and only ONE being an actual child. I hate how drunk my parents get, so drunk I have to help them inside to their beds. So drunk I cant even talk to either of them when a certain time of day comes. So drunk that I feel uncomfortable living here. I hate how my brother could care less and all he does is sit at the computer during the drama and act like nothing is going on. I hate how they would literally kill me for pouring the source of all problems down the drain. I hate how they act like they could care less if I were to leave as long as I left my daughter. I HATE THAT MY MOTHER CONSTANTLY TRIES TO PLAY MOTHER ROLE WITH MY ****ING DAUGHTER!!!!!!!!!! I HATE IT SO ****ING MUCH. IT PISSES ME THE **** OFF THAT MY ****ING MOTHER IS TAKING CONTROL OF MY DAUGHTER'S LIFE, NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY. SHE ACTS LIKE SHE WILL HATE ME IF I EVER MOVE OUT WITH HER. I HATE IT SOOOOOOOOOO ****ING MUCH!!!! I am ****ing TIRED of being treated like a ****ing child. I am tired of bering constantly put down. I AM TIRED OF MY FATHER ALWAYS INSULTING MY PARENTAL SKILLS. I am tired of the stress I am put through with my family, I dont have anywhere to escape. I know I do not have it worse than everybody, but I can not handle what I already am dealing with. I have tried many suicide attempts but everytime I do I always think of my daughter and just break down and cry. I cant leave her with these drunks. I cant leave her on the earth with people like that. I HATED my childhood. Yea, I got alot of stuff I wanted, but if I could turn back time and be the brokest mother****ers with the most heart I WOULD HAVE LOVED IT. I would not feel so broken up inside. I would not feel like there's no one I can run to. Its so ****ing bad to me tht Im on the internet venting to people I dont even know and some that dont even like me. It SUCKS! My two best friends are away to college and Im still here, with a child, or should I say 4. I have dealt with this for so long and it is tearing me to shreds. One of these days, I can see myself literally giving up on life regardless of my daughter. It is VERY selfish, I know that, but living this life is worst than being dead. I feel so psychotic from all the abuse from family and friends and relationships. I have a MEGA anger problem and have been trying to work on it for so ****ing long but it is so ****ing hard to do so when my parents are barely able to be there for me but they are quick to jump and get the vodka. My daughter is more than enough stress for me, why the **** do I have to take care of my parents annd little brother too? My brother is 15 years of age and acts like an asshole. The burden is left on me, the only girl of 5 ****ing children, and I already have my own daughter to take care of. Gosh, there is SO much more I have to get off my chest, but I really shouldnt be here talking about this shit. This here that I already stated is more than enough info and it is not even half of what I have been through. I just want to be free of this stress and move on but I cant. I dont know what to do, so Im stuck venting on a forum....

[shh!]

How old are you, and why are you still living at home, sweety? Most people want to be on their own when they have their own children.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

I made 18 in May. I want to be on my own but the prices of houses here are outrageous and so are the bills. I cant afford that and plus take care of a child. A 1 bedroom 1 bath here is aroun 800 dollars and the light bills are about 2 to 300 dollars a month. Its crazy living on this ****ing island

[Dasein]

The best thing in these situations is to remove yourself from their negative influence.

Is there a way that you can move out?

[shh!]

Do you work?

If you have any girlfriends that are single parents, maybe you can find one you can share housing with. You have to be careful not to hook up with some retarded, flaky, boy-crazy bimbo because that would negatively impact your daughter's life, but it's something to think about.

I'd be really careful, though. Lots of young people your age want their independence, but they haven't the slightest idea of how much responsibility comes along with it. You can't afford to make too many mistakes with a baby in tow, and it's really hard to go home again once you've moved out.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

I can move to Georgia, but then I would have to deal with my brother's wife who is ULTRA negative. Its like she feeds off my depression. Everytime she hears some new drama about our family she has the best day ever. I dont know how much longer before I actually get in an arguement with her cuz I have bitten my tongue for the past 10 years with this woman. There's my other brother in Georgia but he has his own child on the way, I dont want to be a burden on his future family with my own. As for my brother in new york, he has 4 children, and from what I've heard about how he treated my other brother, I rather not go there. I also have my boyfriend, but I am a tad bit reluctant about going there because I fear we argue and he or his mother throws me out. I dont know what to do

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

I just came back from georgia about a week or so ago, so I dont have a job. I want one, but Im not sure where yet cuz I want to know what my plans are before I choose a job too far from where I end up living.

[ecojeanne]

ok i dunno if this will help but have you been in touch with any welfare department to help you maybe or at least give some advice? i spent a little time trying to find some resources for you.....god i hope this helps you

department of human services

knud hansen complex bldg a1303, hospital ground, charlotte amalie VI 00802

tel (340) 774-0930
fax (340) 774-3466
email [email]humanservices@usvi.org[/email]


did i look up the right island?

i really don't know what else to suggest than contacting them to ask how they may be able to help

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

ok i dunno if this will help but have you been in touch with any welfare department to help you maybe or at least give some advice? i spent a little time trying to find some resources for you.....god i hope this helps you

department of human services

knud hansen complex bldg a1303, hospital ground, charlotte amalie VI 00802

tel (340) 774-0930
fax (340) 774-3466
email [email]humanservices@usvi.org[/email]


did i look up the right island?

i really don't know what else to suggest than contacting them to ask how they may be able to help

Thanks very much and yes its the right island. I greatly appreciate it.

[ecojeanne]

ladie you are so welcome, i really do hope things change for you

[Junket]

Wanna move to New Orleans?

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Wanna move to New Orleans?

Sure why not. I think being in New Orleans even in the state it is in right now would feel like a vacation compared to being here.

[Gribble]

I knew a girl who was in a similar situation. She milked the father for all he was worth, which wasn't much, and she got into some kind of single mother's subsidized housing program. If you really must get out ASAP and you can't wait until you've got a better job maybe you could try for something like that.

[Junket]

Sure why not. I think being in New Orleans even in the state it is in right now would feel like a vacation compared to being here.

New Orleans has come a long way.

You wouldn't know a hurricane hit towards central city, or uptown (where I am).

Plus, if you like good live music this is the place to be.

On the other hand, raising a child, I dunno, NOLA does have it's share of crime.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

New Orleans has come a long way.

You wouldn't know a hurricane hit towards central city, or uptown (where I am).

Plus, if you like good live music this is the place to be.

On the other hand, raising a child, I dunno, NOLA does have it's share of crime.

Well its good to know that its improving after Hurricane Katrina. As for the crime rate, if its high that would make me think twice about going there for the sake of my daughter. I like Georgia, but its the only state I've really gotten the chance to explore.