I want him back

[Shattered]

There have been other problems in the marriage over the years and I think now my H and are just too tired to deal with all anymore. We are going to counselling next week but the feeling is that we cannot be saved.

I do feel like such a fool because even now it is still the OM I am thinking of. I guess I do think that maybe I am the one that can "change him."

All the time we were together he seemed so genuine and I have told myself that he has moved on to some one else because I hurt him and let him down and that he is trying to protect himself. I know that I almost turn it round so that his motives for his actions are not so damning.

I also know I see hope because of the way he is with me even now. It is not that I think that I am better than this new woman. It is that what he told me how he felt about me, the countless times we tried to end the affair and couldn't, the way we were even drifting back together in those weeks when he said he only just started seeing her, her weight (yes, this is an issue as she is extremely overweight and he has always been almost nasty in his comments on women who are like that),the way we get on so well (he will still talk to me about pretty much all his personal life - all but her), the way I can see he is attracted to me, the flirting - and not just blatant things like the way we stand so close.

Yes, I am hooked. In spite of everything that is said, I cannot believe that even whilst we were together that he did not love me and that now he still does not have some feelings for me.

[shh!]

Well I'm glad you don't have kids. Honestly, for me, it makes the stakes so much lower when a marriage fails. No harm, no foul.

But really, I should warn you that I've seen the marriage -divorce-remarriage cycle, and out of all the people I've seen remarry, I've only seen one person truly improve their lot. All these people just ended up trading one set of problems for another. That is where I see you headed.

[Cain]

There have been other problems in the marriage over the years and I think now my H and are just too tired to deal with all anymore. We are going to counselling next week but the feeling is that we cannot be saved.

I do feel like such a fool because even now it is still the OM I am thinking of. I guess I do think that maybe I am the one that can "change him."

All the time we were together he seemed so genuine and I have told myself that he has moved on to some one else because I hurt him and let him down and that he is trying to protect himself. I know that I almost turn it round so that his motives for his actions are not so damning.

I also know I see hope because of the way he is with me even now. It is not that I think that I am better than this new woman. It is that what he told me how he felt about me, the countless times we tried to end the affair and couldn't, the way we were even drifting back together in those weeks when he said he only just started seeing her, her weight (yes, this is an issue as she is extremely overweight and he has always been almost nasty in his comments on women who are like that),the way we get on so well (he will still talk to me about pretty much all his personal life - all but her), the way I can see he is attracted to me, the flirting - and not just blatant things like the way we stand so close.

Yes, I am hooked. In spite of everything that is said, I cannot believe that even whilst we were together that he did not love me and that now he still does not have some feelings for me.

Believe what you want. Chase him if you want. But you need to realize that he's attracted to married women. He isn't still flirting with you because he loves you. He's doing it because he knows that he can get you to give him attention. When he sees you start to drift away he's going to try to reel you right back in.

[RiceMuncher]

Regarding your H.
I would just like to quote from my psychologist freind

"Instead of being in touch with who they aren't. try being in touch with who they are"

And to that bastard whos going for other married women. Have you ever thought that, the other" married woman he is going out with right now could of have been YOU in the past?
Who knows how many other girls he has.

Time to let go.

[RiceMuncher]

And to probe the point that he only goes for married woman.
Why don't you tell him
"I'm officially divorced with my ex-husband now.. balh balh"
See what he does after that hm?

[Shattered]

And to probe the point that he only goes for married woman.
Why don't you tell him
"I'm officially divorced with my ex-husband now.. balh balh"
See what he does after that hm?

I know you are right it is just so hard to accept that I got it so wrong. I know I was wrong having an affair but my feelings were genuine. I must be very naive to think that when someone tells you repeatedly that they love you and want to spend their life with you then they mean it. But then he was telling me that after we had split and had started seeing this new woman. He messed me up and is obviously not genuine in how he feels about her (especially as he continues to flirt etc with me).

[Cain]

I know you are right it is just so hard to accept that I got it so wrong. I know I was wrong having an affair but my feelings were genuine. I must be very naive to think that when someone tells you repeatedly that they love you and want to spend their life with you then they mean it. But then he was telling me that after we had split and had started seeing this new woman. He messed me up and is obviously not genuine in how he feels about her (especially as he continues to flirt etc with me).

I think that of all the people to give advice on this, I'm probably the one that can relate the most. It is EXACTLY what my ex told me TWO days before we broke up. Trust me... they can and will say that even if they don't mean it.

[RiceMuncher]

I know you are right it is just so hard to accept that I got it so wrong. I know I was wrong having an affair but my feelings were genuine.... He messed me up and is obviously not genuine in how he feels about her (especially as he continues to flirt etc with me).

Don't be to hard on yourself for what happened.
Who the hell goes to counseling 'first up' anyway?

Its his fault for preying on married women and filling in your gaps with your husband. Which is where counseling comes in. xD
At the very least, counseling would enable you to move on without any regrets to your husband. And it should also empower you to be a stronger person.
I hope you look forward to counseling. Because it WILL do 'something'.
Your counselor will advise you to not have any contact with the 'affair guy' and I strongly recommend you follow that advice.

Meanwhile, us guys/girls will be back here in the forum to help =]