Thoughts on dating women with kids

[Zilla80]

I recently reconnected with an old friend. When we first met we both were in relationships but were very flirty and there was a definite connection between us. However that was several years ago but I just connected with her recently. She looks amazing and was so excited to hear from me and wants to meet up. She is now single, as am I, but has 2 kids.

What are your thoughts on dating women with kids?

[vashti]

I think for most people, it is a really bad idea unless you have raised children of your own. Being a parent to your own child gives you a barometer to measure "normal" behavior by, and helps you to minimize the micromanaging, overly-strict step-parenting scenarios one sees all too often.

Also, children of divorce have a lot of (justifiable) pent-up anger about their family being ripped apart. The kids tend to act out a lot, especially during adolescence. I really think it takes a special kind of person to be able to handle it all properly, because it WILL get really ugly.

If you absolutely MUST date her, then I suggest you avoid meeting her kids all together unless you are pretty sure she is a keeper. the kids have already been exposed to enough instability, and they don't need to go getting attached to every boyfriend mom decides to drag home.

[Zilla80]

Well she was never married, she had her first kid at 18.

Does that change your opinion at all?

[vashti]

No. Sorry.

[Illusional]

personally, i could raise another man's child, but when it turns into his children, that's a whole different story.

raverboy

[Zilla80]

She's 23 and the kids are young, does that change your opinion?

(not looking for you to say "yes go date her now!" just honestly looking for opinions)

[Illusional]

well.. hrmm... let me think back.. the girl that i dated was about 24ish.. and she had a 2 year old child. it's not hard imo to raise another man's child if everything is cool, but if it's only a one sided shit where all he wants to do is kick your ass, then it's hopeless.

anyhow, i was willing to accept her child because i wanted to be with her. if she had two children, i guess things wouldn't really change, but i also want my "own" genes running around the house, and how many women do you honestly know that want more than two children?

raverboy

[Zilla80]

I see your point.

I'm not trying to marry this girl, just want to see what could happen given our little history of everything seeming so right between us except the timing.

But I do want to be sure I am ok with the whole kid thing before I even decide to go down that route.

[Gribble]

How young exactly are the kids and how old are you?

Edit: Oh. She got pregnant at 18? So 4 or 5? I dunno. Doesn't seem like a good thing to get mixed up in. Maybe if you're just planning to get a little action and split, but a serious longterm relationship would probably not be the best thing for you.

[Illusional]

so in turn, you are saying that you want to see where things go right?? if you don't want to marry this girl, then do you just want to bone her?? she's already on a different mind set regardless what you are thinking because whether you like it or not, her kids will come first.

if you aren't thinking of marriage, then i suggest that you move on because this girl is looking for someone to share in the responsibilities of child care, not someone who is looking to add another child support child check to her bank.

raverboy

[IndiReloaded]

What do you want, Zilla? What are your motives for wanting to get with her? Be honest, its the internet, afterall.

If you are just wanting sex and a good time, I think you should look elsewhere. This woman is not going to be a party girl, she has responsibilities to her kids and she *will* put them ahead of your needs.

If you think you might genuinely dig this gal, but its too early to tell, then I would suggest you discreetly date this gal. Keep her kids out of it. I would only consider getting her children involved once you are certain you are considering something permanent with this woman.

Honestly, tho, I think you are too young for this. Really, this gal should just focus on getting her shit in order & raising her kids for the next 5+ years. I wouldn't even consider dating if I were her at this time. And once I *was* ready, I'd probably look for someone mature who was ready for a family and/or had kids of their own (from a previous relationship, divorced or widowed).

[blackzj52]

i wouldnt do it man, unless ur willing todeal with that shit

[Justsomeone22]

Craziest thing is I'm slightly in the same boat right now...I just came off a 6 yr relationship and this girl I thought was absolutely gorgeous works at a restaurant with a couple friends. So since I'm a single guy I got her number..Now I know she has a 2 year old kid. We went to high school together, so I'm in the position of yes I do really genuinely want something serious. I don't know that I want to raise another mans kid...I could do it because kids are amazing. Watching my best friend raise his daughter and my youngest sister having 2 of her own...at 23 I've been around kids constantly. Which in my previous relationship was also 2 kids involved on her families side that I spent a lot of time with. It's a sticky situation but at this point the way I look at it is this...I'm not there for the kid or anyone else at this point, I am interested in getting to know the mother and seeing what we have between us. I know the attraction is there, and if anything the sex will come which honestly isn't what my motives are. I hope that you can connect with her and really start something good. Don't let anyone say otherwise, get that connection man and see if thats what your looking for. Take it in stride from there, it's a very respectable thing to see someone raise someone else's kid. My step mother did a damn good job. Go on some dates and stuff have a good time, she's honestly probably looking for a little relief at this point anyways. Give it to her and in the meantime everything else will fall into place.

[Love Portion #9]

I agree with justsomeone22. Just because a woman has children does not make her untouchable or undesirable. She has wants and needs as well. If you both are truly honest with each from the start, you should be okay. First get to know her and isolate yourself from the children until you and the mother is ready for a serious relationship. I am a single mother and I don't bring my dates home. I have to date the person for at least a year. Just maybe if we are still kicking for six months, I will first introduce him as my friend and let him slowly build a relationship with my son. I find that women that introduce their children immediately; first do not consider their children's feelings; and secondly, is probably looking for someone to take care of her and her children financially.

[Zilla80]

Wow can't believe how many people are saying if I am not thinking about marrying this girl before even dating her I shouldn't even bother. How will I know if I would consider a serious relationship if I don't date her?? I'm confoosed!

What do I want from her? I just want to see if we still have that same chemistry we had years back. I'm not looking to use her for sex.

Financially she is well off, she has a good job.