Dating a Divorcee With Sole Custody of the Kids

[smitten86]

Hi, I just recently met and started dating a guy who was divorced 18 months ago, and last week he got his kids back from his ex-wife and now has sole custody of them (he's in the military and just returned from overseas). He gets along well with the ex, which is good. But she tells him constantly she wants him back, and he lets her cry on his shoulder, and if I were him I would put some distance between her and me if I'm trying to have a relationship with someone else. Anyways, my main issue is, we have only been dating a month and a half, and already he's questioning whether he can juggle his kids and a relationship with me. But I haven't even seen him since the kids have been back! I think I've been understanding and told him that I still want to be with him, even if that means I'm second to the kids. I knew that going into the relationship. But I do require some reassurance and love from someone I'm with, and he has barely found the time to text me back over the past three days.

I have a few friends who are in the same situation as me, but their men make an effort to incorporate them into their lives and make them feel wanted. Is there anything I can do about this, or should I just give up?

Please, any advice is appreciated.

[vashti]

He's not contacting you... it sounds like he made his choice, and tried to tell you gently. And he is right - he probably DOESN'T have time to be a good dad AND a good boyfriend, and his priorities are (rightly) his children.

Personally, I think you should thank him. Assuming your birthday was in '86 (refering to your screen name), you are too young to be dealing with someone else's kids, anyway. You deserve to have someone without that kind of baggage.

[little pingoin]

His children have just been moved from one location to another. Being a single parent isn't easy. He has to help them adjust to their new surroundings, help them sort out their emotions with regard to moving from mommy's house to daddy's house, and settle himself into the often hectic role of being a single parent.

His children need him. If you are texting him regularly and begging him for attention, it's an easy choice - you've only been together 6 weeks.

[smitten86]

Thanks for your responses.

little pingoin, We had discussed the whole situation in detail before he returned home from overseas. I have given him his space to get adjusted and am happy to continue doing so. I only ask that he stop going back and forth between not knowing if he wants to be with me and not. All I can really do is give him time, and not let myself get too hopeful about everything. And I do NOT text him regularly begging for attention. I think I texted him 2 times yesterday.

[IndiReloaded]

Smitten, I agree with Vash. BTW, two texts in a day IS a lot to some people, esp a guy who is busy with other things. 'Not regularly' would be leaving him alone for a day or two & then checking in.

[smitten86]

Side note - I'm 23 and he is 26...so I don't think I'm too young. But thanks

[IndiReloaded]

But your post sounds like you are 17. So yes, you do seem too young. Anyway, keep bugging him. It will be dumpsville for you soon enough.

[vashti]

23 IS too young. Sorry, it just is. I know this from experience. Don't be a dumb girl.

[Raze]

You are young. You're older than me, but you're still considered young. BAGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAGGGGGEEEE. You will regret it.

[Gigabitch]

If he has sole custody of his kids, there's something bad wrong with his ex. I agree with Raze about the baggage. You don't need this and you certainly don't need it from someone who can't give you any of his time.

You're young, free and have the whole world in front of you. You can date anyone you want. There are guys out there just waiting to meet you and shower you with affection. Give them a chance.