New Here. Please Help Me!

[Very Broken]

Newbie here. I've read a lot of these topics, and cant seem to find one relevant to my problem... Here goes.
I am a 41 year old single male, no kids, who has been dating a beautiful 22 year old girl. She was my cleaning lady. We hooked up last july of 07. And have been dating for about a year and a half (till this halloween.) When we started dating I was just like, well this will only last a month or two at the most. It was only meant to be a "fling". But I began to have feelings for her, and she moved in with me shortly after. And I fell in love with her. We had our ups and downs, but for the most part we had a great life together. The age difference rarely played a part. I know she was way too young, (half my age) but I fell in love with her anyways. My family and most friends did not approve. But I didn't care. I really liked her alot! And the sex was the best I have ever had! I was married for 10 years prior with hardly ever having sex with my wife. So a healthy sex life was very new to me! very new! anyways. for the past 2 months she was just driving me crazy! Everything she did seemed to piss me off. But just little things...She was very insecure and a very negative person. I had to end it soon. I did not have good intentions with her. I did not want to marry her or have a child with her. It was mostly lust. So I had enough of her crap one night and blew up at her and kicked her out (for the 3rd time) I had been drinking that night. (rare) It was for a stupid reason, but it was more of all the little things building up, and my having "no good intentions". But now I am all alone. and it sucks! But what makes it worse is I just found out that she has already met someone else (in less than 3 weeks time) I know, wow! right? only 3 weeks! But now I am in extreme pain knowing that we will not be able reconcile. I cant eat or sleep, even with medication. I love her and I miss her and I want her back! But I cant have her now. I know its not infidelity, she had every right to date whoever she wants...I'm the one who broke up with her... But the pain is unbearable! I am so alone. Why did I chose loneliness over her? Did I make the right choice? Should I try to get her back? and marry her? Or should I move on...

[ecojeanne]

i really feel for you, however you kicked her out 3 times, you know you are both incompatible. yes it does seem very soon for her to be seeing someone else already. have you had a conversation without fighting about the break up? maybe you should talk to her coz maybe she wants you to fight (not literally obviously) for her? i think maybe you should ask to talk to her. but also make sure its not just the loss of sex and company you're missing. you may have made the right decision. think about the good and the bad in the relationship, even write them down, then make the decision to contact her and have a talk if after the list you feel you can't live without her. if someone asked me to leave the house where i lived i know i wouldn't go back especially if it was 3 times.

[Very Broken]

Yes, I contacted her this morning. She reluctantly answered the phone... I told her how i felt, how much i loved her, and how much of a fool i was. I apologized for not respecting her, and taking her for granted. I told her i am ready to offer her my love, my heart, my respect, and my full commitment. she listened and said she will consider it, but not to expect to here from her anytime soon. And it didn't sound too promising. I really feel she is done with me for good, and I dont blame her.
But at least i was able to say all i had to say, and that i have done all i can do. I also sent her 3 dozen long stem red roses! (probably another mistake)

[ecojeanne]

well at this point i say you have to suffer and wait it out to see it she ever wants to contact you. like i said i do feel bad for you, but you were not very reasonable by kicking her out 3 times, imo, she has every right to make you suffer. i'm sorry, i know it's harsh. wait and see, don't do anything more, you have already made your point with the call and the flowers and now it's up to her.

[carl1222]

Not to be harsh, Broken, but in reading your post I get the definite impression that the only reason you want her back so badly is to relieve the pain you feel from losing her and the jealousy associated with her having moved on.

If she comes back to you again, and this "unbearable" pain goes away, what's really different than before? Won't you still be with her mainly out of lust? Won't her mainly age-related insecurities and negativities still annoy you? Won't you still have those less-than-good intentions despite what you are feeling right now?

I think you should let her go. Better for her so she can find someone who can give her a complete relationship. Better for you for the same reason.

Good luck.

Carl.

[ecojeanne]

ye but she could be trying to make him jealous by seeing someone else so soon after the break (tbh i dont blame her coz it was very harsh what he did) she may still love him

[carl1222]

Jeanne, I don't question that she may still love him ... she well might.

What I question is whether they are really a good match in the long run.

Carl.

[ecojeanne]

you're right carl, i question that too, i do think he needs to think a lot more about the relationship

[Very Broken]

Both of you are making a lot of sense! I do feel that we were not right for each other. But it is still so hard. I am so lonely. I know i need to move on. It's just so hard. I'm trying to find things to occupy my time. But thats hard too. I own a company that practically runs itself, so I cant even go to work. I sit at home thinking all day. My days are so long, nights are even longer... I get no sleep, and I have no appetite.

However, tonight I was invited to a bon fire party down at the beach. I am looking forward to it. leaving in a few. Thanks alot guys. I'll talk to you tomorrow! Keep the advice coming! and feel free to slap me around a bit!

[Gigabitch]

Your punctuation makes it very difficult to believe that you are a man, let alone one as old as you claim to be. There is just no ****ing way a man would use that many exclamation points.

You have the emotional maturity of an eight grader. I can't imagine how someone like you could have held a marriage together for ten years- who were you married to, Elmo from Sesame Street? Are you drunk right now?

If you are, indeed, a man in his forties mourning the loss of your 22-year-old girlfriend, I have this to submit to you:

You are mourning the loss of your own youth.

That is all.

[carl1222]

Wow, Giga ... this post must have hit a nerve!!! Hahaha

[Gigabitch]

I'm 40. That makes me a HELL of a lot older than 90% of our regular posters, and I have never seen something like this. I have lots of experience with 41 year old men, and if this guy is actually one, I'm appalled.

[ecojeanne]

I'm 40. That makes me a HELL of a lot older than 90% of our regular posters, and I have never seen something like this. I have lots of experience with 41 year old men, and if this guy is actually one, I'm appalled.

really?! i don't necessarily think punctuation or age has anything to do with feelings about another person one has spent time with and even loved perhaps. what is it with people on this forum and punctuation?! i actually think it's just another way for people to tell others they are better. it means absolutely nothing to me and imo it's no reflection on maturity or intelligence like everyone claims. i think it's an american thing tbh. no sense or compassion.

[carl1222]

Gina, my observation that your reaction may have been ... ummm ... extreme told me that you may have issues with guys your age (and close to mine at 37) who go gaga with women of extreme youth. Actually, in fact, I was agreeing with you that a relationship based on sexual excitement for a much younger woman is a lousy reason to be together.

Jeanne ... Americans have no sense or compassion??? I really disagree!! I assure you that, on average, people in New Haven have the same sensibilities as people in Galway!!!!

Carl.

[carl1222]

oops ... too many exclamation points ... hahaha