No sex...

[Chloe Fleur]

I don't know where else to turn to. But the problem is that my husband has serious problems with erection. He had a break in sex for about 4 years before he met me and he's had some problems with erection since our first night, but now it's getting worse. He does have it, but it never stays up long enough for him to get in. And even if he does get in, it goes away in a few moments. Nothing seems to help - he's even tried taking some pills that improve erection, but alas. We haven't had normal sex for about a month now...
Please, any ideas what can help?

*he doesn't want to go to a specialist...

[misombra]

he doesn't want to get help for this?

well then there's nothing we can say, other than have an affair or divorce him.

[Chloe Fleur]

misombra, i've read some articles on the topic, but they seem to say that it is more a psychological problem that physical. i just wonder if anyone knows any similar situation and what can one do apart from going to a specialist.

[misombra]

i don't know chloe. kinda sounds like you're the only one trying to fix it. what can you do?

it probably is a psychological problem. but he won't help himself, that's an even bigger psychological problem.

[Aeradalia]

Try to give him a break for a while... seems funny how you hear about women not wanting sex that much or denying a guy sex --- that's normal... but for a guy to not have the ability or desire, it becomes a state of emergency.

If this is psychological, then making less of an issue of this can only help. Men pride themselves on their sexual abilities, it can be discouraging when they seemingly lose that ability... and downright crippling if the woman they love brings attention to it, demands an explanation, demands a solution, and demands that he 'get help.' Even if this is more of a physical problem... he'll need time to come to terms with this on his own, because this is a very personal problem and may even be devastating to him -- so sensitivity is needed on your part.

Psychological or physical problem... he needs time to either relax enough to 'get it back' or have time enough to come to terms with it and look for a solution because he wants to.

[Tedel]

Is he a religious guy?

[Asparagoose]

Try to give him a break for a while... seems funny how you hear about women not wanting sex that much or denying a guy sex --- that's normal... but for a guy to not have the ability or desire, it becomes a state of emergency.

Wouldn't it be interesting if the latter is just a psychological response to the former?

[Ms.Cruise]

I think you guys need to see a doctor. your husband have a diabetes? bcoz man that have diabetes have this kind of problem. go to a doctor. maybe ur husband need some help.

[Aeradalia]

Wouldn't it be interesting if the latter is just a psychological response to the former?

Not only would it be interesting... but it could be a very likely culprit. Never understood not wanting sex or denying a guy... but that could be because I can't deny myself either. If I were with someone that did not want it or denied it from me... I could definitely see how I would eventually lose the desire due to psychological pressures.

[Indignant]

viagra is the only solution. I dated a guy with the same problem. Healthy as a horse. the blue pill does magic.

[Cbrider]

Anti-depressants can really screw with your sex drive/performance too.

If hes on one have him talk to his prescriber about it and they switch him to a different brand.

[IndiReloaded]

viagra is the only solution. I dated a guy with the same problem. Healthy as a horse. the blue pill does magic.

I agree with this, ONCE he's been checked out by a doc. He's probably at the age where he needs his prostate examined & blood work done.

And to whoever said its his body he can do what he likes, that is the most irresponsible thing I've ever read. This man is married, he has a responsibility to his wife to not just keep her happy sexually, but make sure he is healthy. They might even have kids, so his health matters. Stupid post, that was.

[vashti]

I agree with indi. He wouldn't have had to address his problem had he chose to remain single. Since he didn't, there is certainly an obligation involved here.

Chloe - how long have you been married, and how long has this been a marital issue? To be honest, I would have been worried about a guy going 4 years without sex to begin with.

[misombra]

i've seen these "no sex" situations turn bad so many times.

[vashti]

I just don't understand why a male wouldn't get this addressed. It is a pretty easy problem to solve, unlike female sex drive issues.