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Thread: Money in relationship

  1. #1
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    Money in relationship

    It's common for a guy to pay for a girl when they are going to cinema or cafe. There is no guarantee if you pay she would yours. So you have a risk to spend money and get nothing. When you have a lot of dates, you might spend a large amount of money. But if you are not spend money on girls they have less interes to you.
    Why?

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    If you invite a girl out, you are expected to pay because that is simply good manners. If you are spending more than you can comfortably afford, that is not really HER fault, is it? I suggest you keep dates inexpensive until you have determined there is a future. Coffee dates are a good start. If you like her, you can ask her to meet you for lunch somewhere (cheaper than dinner). If she is still interested by the time a third date rolls around, many girls will offer to treat. Also, a lot of younger girls insist on paying half, although I don't know why. I prefer to reciprocate.
    Relax... I'll need some information first. Just the basic facts - can you show me where it hurts?

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    If I'm invited I always bring my own money, I don't expect the guy to pay for me at all. I pay my own stuff, I think it's called "going Dutch" or something .

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    Quote Originally Posted by sparkster View Post
    It's common for a guy to pay for a girl when they are going to cinema or cafe. There is no guarantee if you pay she would yours. So you have a risk to spend money and get nothing. When you have a lot of dates, you might spend a large amount of money. But if you are not spend money on girls they have less interes to you.
    Why?
    It's an anomaly in our culture stuck somewhere between traditional and non traditional culture shift. Just look at it as a way to avoid complications in the early stages of relationship, it's better to pay for them now then later argue about it. If dating is becoming too expensive for you, then best advice is to stop dating and save up.
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    Regardless of who asks whom on a date, a well-bred person will at least offer to pay for their portion.

    Generally, a young man with good manners will refuse the girl's offer to do so b/c it is considered 'gentlemanly'. But some men will allow a girl to pay b/c it is considered bad to refuse a person's offer.

    The best scenario is where you, the young man, asks a girl out on an inexpensive date. Coffee or some such. You pay for the girl. When she offers you her share, suggest she 'get the next one' or 'dessert at another location'. This way, you get to extend the date or meeting and you both get to feel as if you contributed.

    The idea of a man always paying for a woman is outdated and assumptive. Its a throwback to the days when women didn't work and didn't have their own income. There are still some women like this around, but they tend to be old-fashioned and make assumptions about male-female interactions that you may, or may not, want to deal with.

    See this thread for more debate on this topic:

    [url]http://www.loveforum.net/415049-post157.html[/url]
    Last edited by IndiReloaded; 02-02-09 at 11:15 AM.
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    I don't mind paying for the date that I asked.
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndiReloaded View Post
    The idea of a man always paying for a woman is outdated and assumptive. Its a throwback to the days when women didn't work and didn't have their own income. There are still some women like this around, but they tend to be old-fashioned and make assumptions about male-female interactions that you may, or may not, want to deal with.
    So very true. It's funny how for an outdated and assumptive ritual this thing can still cause many problems. I've noticed some girls I've dated developed a complex similar to "I can't allow him to pay for me because I want to show him I'm independent and I don't need anyone's money and it's really an insult if he pays for me, but if he doesn't pay for me he's not a real gentleman and he doesn't really care about me as much as he says he does". There's really nothing you can say to someone who thinks like that.
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    Mish, I want you to know I will pay for your lunch.
    Second thoughts can generally be amended with judicious action; injudicious actions can seldom be recovered with second thoughts.
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndiReloaded View Post
    Mish, I want you to know I will pay for your lunch.
    As long as you don't remind me at a consistent rate that I was really selfish and rude for not paying for my lunch half a year later
    Don't cry, don't regret and don't blame
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    Accept all as it is and do not blame
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    Of course I wouldn't. Besides, its not like its a date. More like an older relative paying for a favourite cousin.

    Which reminds me: of course its fine if the person paying is an older relative, mentor, or boss. Those situations are different, and we don't expect our staff or students to pay for an outing. In those cases 'pay it forward' would apply (meaning you get to do the same when you are in the senior position).
    Second thoughts can generally be amended with judicious action; injudicious actions can seldom be recovered with second thoughts.
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndiReloaded View Post
    In those cases 'pay it forward' would apply (meaning you get to do the same when you are in the senior position).
    Sometimes I feel like I'm paying it forward already
    Don't cry, don't regret and don't blame
    Weak find the whip, willing find freedom
    Towards the sun, carry your name
    In warm hands you are given
    Ask the wind for the way
    Uncertainty's gone, your path will unravel
    Accept all as it is and do not blame
    God or the Devil
    ~Born to Live - Mavrik~

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    it's tough being a guy. you are always expected to cash out for everything when it comes to courting women.
    The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things

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    Quote Originally Posted by Indignant View Post
    it's tough being a guy. you are always expected to cash out for everything when it comes to courting women.
    Not really, if that's what is expected of you by the woman you could merely look at it as a more involved version of paying for a whore.
    "Well, then," the Cat went on, "you see a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lite View Post
    Not really, if that's what is expected of you by the woman you could merely look at it as a more involved version of paying for a whore.
    but seriously, guys have to go through their whole life with those expectations, no matter of their financial status. my friend lost his job recently, and the girl that he is seeing now still expects him to pay. for example this weekend she asked him to take her to Palm Springs or Santa Barbara, cuz she is bored of LA. now i've known him for 13 years, he has always been a gentleman and covered all of the expenses on dates. I can only count the thousands that were spent on females.
    The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things

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    it's tougher being a woman imo, we have to deal with unwanted leering and less pay overall, we are weaker in strength and therefore have to be on alert from unwanted attention. i think men have it a lot easier. and then they get to pay less nowadays for the date, even tho the women spent more money and effort looking good coz womens clothes of same quality are more expensive generally. men generally have better jobs and get paid more than women around the world. why should men expect anything in return for the date?

    because men are thinking like this that they are owed or deserve something in return i would always pay 50/50. some men just don't appreciate how easy they have it.
    Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching

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