Not attracted to fiancé anymore

[CherryBlossom]

So am I lesa, so am I.

[starbuck]

I've been with my fiancé for four years now and I love him so much. He's caring, considerate and probably the right guy to marry. But I don't find him sexually attractive. In fact, I usually find myself fantasizing about other men. The idea of breaking up just kills me but I'm not sure if I want to marry a guy who doesn't turn me on. Help!

Probably the right guy according to whom? People around you? Some ideal you've created for yourself of your future wedded life?

I think it's a HUGE deal that you aren't attracted to him sexually. This feeling isn't just going to go away. and you are missing out on one of the best parts of being in love with someone.

Yes, sex gets stale after marriage, but after four years?

I'm worried about your marriage surviving.

[lesa]

So am I lesa, so am I.

We are in luck, huh? I don't know if you are fortunate or if he is.

Maybe your luck will run out and he will find a much better woman soon.

[Junket]

I just don't see it lasting.

They'll marry.

Her want for other men will create resentment towards him, and this resentment will leak into other aspects of their relationship, poisoning it from the inside to the point one or both of them can't take it anymore, and call for a break, or a divorce.

Made even more complicated if they have children.

All the while, she knew it was coming, well before they ever got engaged.

Way to waste this guy's life.

[Only-virgins]

I can never date someone I am not attracted too. Its like playing a game I don't like, why am I playing the game in the first place? I have to ask myself.

[Tashi]

while i have to say sex and sexual attraction is NOT the most important factor in a relationship, i seriously fail to see your logic as anything but stupid Cherry. it is so stupid that I am desperatly trying to suppress a loud laugh because people are sleeping around me. HOLY CRAP OMFG you are SERIOUSLY wacked, if what all you say is true. You know what, from what I gather, I think HE would be better of having YOU find him a girlfriend more suited than you, before you EFF up the poor guys life. If you were my girlfriend, and we wedded, only to have you divorce because of you STUPID ****-up, I would probably even resort to suicide outside your window. Hey, you ****ed up my life, how about ****ing up yours while we're at it? I seriously hope you take at least some of it serious, and while most people may seem quite offence, it MAY be due to your statement about masturbating for the rest of your life to keep yourself happy. From what you say there, you sound like you want to cheat on him, even if only with yourself.

[Lite]

while i have to say sex and sexual attraction is NOT the most important factor in a relationship

I disagree. Intimacy, especially physical intimacy, is a great way to maintain connection between two people. Unless there is a reason for it not to be such as a medical one, sex is pretty damn integral to any adult romantic relationship.

[Tashi]

I disagree. Intimacy, especially physical intimacy, is a great way to maintain connection between two people. Unless there is a reason for it not to be such as a medical one, sex is pretty damn integral to any adult romantic relationship.

why thank you for agreeing anyway then xD as stated, It is not the MOST important factor, not to confuse with "It is NOT an important factor". Of COURSE it is important, but it should not be THE main factor you look for. doing that is pretty damn stupid, even though that is most likely the first impression you get - unless you chat or talk through phone without ever having seen each other, even on pictures, i find it hard to believe that you pick someone random, and randomly guess "Hey, maybe she has a nice personality "

If you had really disagreed with me, I would have supported her, not helped attacking lol

[Gigabitch]

Why don't you tell him the truth and see if he dumps you for someone that actually wants him?

[1averagejoe]

I'm surprised no one has ask yet. How old are you?

My guess is you're still pretty young, based on the fact that you're being somewhat shallow. You don't deserve to be with this guy. Sure he may not sexually attract you but you're being very selfish. Let him find someone that will love every bit of him.

Not someone that will lie, hide their feelings about him, and just keep him around because he's "the nice guy." You're taking advantage of this guy. Stop wasting his time and let him find someone better than you.

As for the physical attraction being a large factor in a relationship. To be honest when I first started dating my ex, I really wasn't physically attracted to her. But as I got to know her that changed because for me personally, I find a persons personality to be up there when it comes to attraction. As long as she's not but ass ugly.

[Mish]

I didn't mean to say that. Of course 'we' should do something about it. I was just asking how to tell I'm not satisfied without hurting him. Anyways, thanks everyone for your time! I'll stick with my fiancé even if I don't find him attractive. He's nice and loves me. I'll masturbate the rest of my life and I'm good to go.

No you won't. At some point you will realize that even though you are married, it's still your life and you can't live the rest of your life without being satisfied. You will most likely cheat on him simply because you will not want to spend the rest of your life in partial celibacy. You will then feel really guilty and look for ways to make it up to him. When you believe you sufficiently "made up" for it you will do it again and again until it becomes part of your routine. At some point your partner will find out and most likely the relationship will end in throes of resentment and bitterness.


It doesn't have to be this way.

[IndiReloaded]

I didn't mean to say that. Of course 'we' should do something about it. I was just asking how to tell I'm not satisfied without hurting him. Anyways, thanks everyone for your time! I'll stick with my fiancé even if I don't find him attractive. He's nice and loves me. I'll masturbate the rest of my life and I'm good to go.

LOL. Translation:

"I found a good guy who's better than I am. I'm afraid if I'm honest with him he will dump me & I will never do better."

Nice & loves me = he makes more money than I do.

This is an example of: Smart Woman, Dumb Man

[Nice Lover Boy]

I think this all started as soon as you started talking to these "hot guys" you mention. You kept in mind the "WHat If" and did not bother to think about your fiance.
Its normal and happens a lot. From this point I don't think you love your fiance anymore but rather want the chance to pursue the "what if" thought.
My advise is to break up with the guy before he gets hurt.

How old are you by the way or a age range.

[hoopuk]

You're going to destroy his perspective on women if you tag him along, poisoning his future relationships. Grow a backbone and tell him.