How do you stop the hurt?

[clever_name]

Swar, hoop, and all these others have it right. Cut off communication. I'm going through a similar thing and its been about 2 months since we(read: she)decided to break up. Just before finals and the winter break we(read: she) ended things and for the rest of the semester(2 weeks or so)I felt like crap, felt empty inside like something was missing or was lost. I spent those last 2 weeks of the semester barely keeping it together, I had interviews I barely got through, finals I could barely study for, I was a mess, I couldn't sleep, eat, I didn't feel like doing anything. It was awful. I thought that staying friends might help me get over her(I am real dumb).

The semester ended and I went on vacation(before which I completely poured my heart out to her, which I immediately regretted doing). My family and I went out of the country and because communication was extremely limited, I didn't talk to her at all during my 2 week trip. However, like a fool I e-mailed her when I returned and we traded e-mails a few times in the 2 weeks before this current semester started up.

So the semester started and again, and I thought being friends would be a good idea, so I would text her when we all(our friends) did something and I'd try to catch her after class and talk to her(we had decided to take a class together last year), and I'd message her and chat her up on facebook. Everytime I did I felt like crap afterward but I kept doing it. I'm really not sure why. I think part of me thought, that after the winter break she would want to get back together. I kept this stupidity up for the first two weeks of school.

I'm not sure what happened but I realized that I was being an idiot, and I just cut off communication, stopped making an effort to talk to her, etc and I feel great. I've been hanging out with my friends and roommates, going out with the boys, partying, working out, playing bball with the guys again, and focusing on my school work and I've been feeling great. I've been reconnecting with my roommates and friends, whom I probably flaked out on a lot over the last year and a half, and I'm actually enjoying being single. I mean there are days that suck and I while I miss her(she was my best friend) it hurts less and less everyday, its gonna take time.

Oh yeah definitely do not go out with her on Valentine's Day, HUGE mistake. Stay home with your boys and watch NBA All-Star Saturday night.

[kak]

Hi. Two weeks ago i finally got a job - this really helped to focus on something else other than my ex and the break up. At the beginning of the month we had a last toss in the hay at a botanical garden (sexy with risk of getting caught and it was both great and heart breaking), we went away over valentines weekend strictly as friends - i denied her even a peck on the mouth. I restricted most of the communication, but still talk to her once every week or two. She constantly keeps on saying she misses me eventhough she is going out with other guys.

Important lessons learnt and wanting to discuss

after reading a few other threads and the posts on here i realised that there really must be some sense in restricting/cutting off communication, i was also going crazy literally waiting in anxious anticipation for her to call me. I would send a text and wonder why she doesnt reply - am i just not good enough just for a text anymore. Anyways i restricted communication, specified when she could call me (i never her) and my life instantly changed - WOW!!

I also realised after some talks with her at how immature i was and how much i hurt her by hinting so heavily that i want an open relationship that she suggested having open relationship eventhough she clearly wasnt into the idea.

I have my bad times, dark times. I struggle with listening to some songs, especially 'the script' 'breakeven'. f*** it to hell it kills me.

Its sad but i honestly still believe that this girl is the one for me, but if i am not the one for her it just wont work out. I have to move on and let the chips fall where they may (with a nudge here and there ). I just feel so broken, and miss her terribly - i think i need to meet new people and new girls and keep as busy as i can.

Thank you Swar, elizabeth, Cbrider, Clever for your posts. I learnt from each one of them.

Anyways cheers and i would not wish the hurt that i and many of these other broken hearted didnt have to feel this ache/torture.

[hoopuk]

It's splendid to see you doing so well

[fruitcake]

why the hell do they always want to be friends...
that crap never ever work...
for me i won't and can't stand the sight of my love with another guy. i've seen it before and it was the worst pain i've ever felt...i don't want to experience it again...

[rocketfox]

works to day and night it helps to forget

i make a video the understand my love


I post it under videos and more

[Aaron6190]

I'm truly sorry about the way you feel. First of all, don't be ashamed of crying. It's so sterotypical to think that us as men, are suppose to man up and not cry. I don't care if you can defeat the world, ALL men cry. Actually, on my opinion, crying shows that you really, truthfully care. Did you ever try to talk to her and tell her EXACTLY how you feel. Don't lose all hope about you two getting back together. If you drop the faith and just give up, it'll never work out.