Date with a Turkish guy

[Indignant]

i dated a 22 year old who told me who was a virgin, and later on he told me that he wasn't but assumed that that would be what I'd want.

[Tiay]

Hard to tell at this stage

But it sure does make me miss those times when I invited girls to my place under the assumption we will watch a DVD

hm yeah, I kept thinking about it tonight. Not really because it matters so much but more because now that he's made a point of saying he hasn't done any of this i'm focusing more on it.

ha, yes, well, we watched the beginning and end

I think he sounds like a master of telling you what he thinks you want to hear - not because males necessarily have the same reservations as females, but because someone inexperienced would probably struggle more with figuring out how to get your top off of you.

hmm...but wait, I don't really want to hear that a guy is a virgin, I'd kind of prefer him to know at least the basics of what he's doing. But, if he hasn't done anything, that's really endearing on a whole different level. ok I've just totally confused myself...

oh, and btw he is even hotter topless than I had previously estimated... yum!

[Tiay]

i dated a 22 year old who told me who was a virgin, and later on he told me that he wasn't but assumed that that would be what I'd want.

what I'd want even more is to not be lied to

[DoesntMatter]

To be honest I've only had good experiences with Turks. I use to play soccer for a few years with a Turkish guy and he was mad cool

[Gigabitch]

He could lie about being a virgin in the hopes that you wouldn't make him wear a condom. I've heard of that before.

[Tiay]

He could lie about being a virgin in the hopes that you wouldn't make him wear a condom. I've heard of that before.

hm, what like this..

"do you have a condom?" – "no, It's my fist time.. *puppy eyes* what is a condom?" – "aww that's just so darn cute. ah heck, who cares if I get preggers/stis, lets do it!"

god, I hope he knows how to use a condom... Then again, it's not like he's from rural turkey. If it is an act, then, other than the going pretty fast thing, he would have to be a good actor. He didn't seem to have any 'moves' and while he made tentative advances, he pretty much just followed my lead. edit; Plus, he didn't really let me do very much for him. Sure, we stayed above the belt anyway, but he didn't like me kinda caressing his stomach, either, and I couldn't tell if it was just because he was ticklish or because he didn't want to get turned on too much.

I just had a girly night in with some friends from college and we were talking about this.
I also realised that ... i've got issues! Every mini relationship (ie a few dates or whatever) I've had, my mind runs away with me. I can see little half Turkish kiddies running around the place, and I can't turn it off! And at the same time, despite dating a few people since my ex, I have yet to invest the time to really get to know anyone properly. It's like my brain refuses to hold the information. That one line my ex said claiming that we were on 'a break' after I broke up with him is in the back of my head somewhere, and I seem to be stuck. I broke up with him and I'm not even sure I would want to get back with him given the chance, yet it doesn't seem real till I see him in real life, which is unlikely. Gah, what am I saying?

Heck, this guy is the first to really take me out and pay for cinema and food since my ex, and you know what? I felt unworthy. It's crazy. This guy seems to be, despite what he may or may not be letting on about his past (in)experience, genuinely the sort of guy who would be loving and attentive in exactly the way that my ex wasn't. Well, or more precisely, like my ex was when we were together but not so much when we weren't. I guess that makes me obsessive about being deceived...

yeah, i've got issues now... gah.

[doppelgaenger]

You could always put the condom on for him... with your mouth.

[vashti]

he didn't really let me do very much for him. Sure, we stayed above the belt anyway, but he didn't like me kinda caressing his stomach, either, and I couldn't tell if it was just because he was ticklish or because he didn't want to get turned on too much.

If he's a virgin, he was probably worried about ejaculating.

...genuinely the sort of guy who would be loving and attentive in exactly the way that my ex wasn't. Well, or more precisely, like my ex was when we were together but not so much when we weren't. I guess that makes me obsessive about being deceived...

I'm not sure I understand where he failed you, exactly... it would be pretty hard for a guy to be loving and attentive from across the ocean.

[CAM]

My blood is from the general region of your friend. The culture is fiery and passionate and it may or may mean absolutely nothing when he lays the lines on you, with sincerity. WASP guys are generally awkward, coming from a non-communicative culture. The Middle Eastern guys will often take your heart for a spin. They have a much more intimate social space so they get closer than the WASPs and women can interpret that as a form of intimacy. It can be creepy of it can show all the signs of sincerity--depends upon the guy. So, don't get too dazzled; be a bit nonchalant because that is the type of women their used to. Middle Eastern women can be poker-faced or even show distain when faced with their men's flattery, as if "no-big deal" (even though, if it is the right guy, they secretly love the attention).

Anyway, have a good time. Don't let him dazzle you. Realize that half the flirtation may not actually mean anything.

[Tiay]

If he's a virgin, he was probably worried about ejaculating.

I probably shouldn't find that as adorable as I do..

I'm not sure I understand where he failed you, exactly... it would be pretty hard for a guy to be loving and attentive from across the ocean.

hm ok I didn't explain that very well. I meant my ex would mention stuff like that we should try living together for a few months, or that he could see himself living in Ireland, etc. But much later when I did suggest that we live together for a few months, he first said yes, and then changed his mind, conveniently after I had booked and payed deposits and everything. He said I had pressured him into agreeing to it and that I was clingy and that oh btw we weren't going to be exclusive while I was there. And yet it was his idea, and who the hell invites a woman to live with him and assumes that exclusivity doesn't automatically go with that? Like... "ok, if I put a sock on the door, it means i've pulled, just wait outside, ok babe?"

my point is he flip flopped, made me believe that everything was great, and he probably truly could see a future for us-- but as soon as I went towards it, it scared the ever loving shit out of him. This resulted in a big debate, in which he'd feel like I was this clingy obsessive man trap who was trying to tie him down for the rest of his life, and I would feel like all I did was keep going the direction he was going with us anyway.
and this pattern just kept repeating itself. He'd get sweet, I'd feel good, I'd say something equally sweet, he'd freak out, rinse and repeat.

[Tiay]

My blood is from the general region of your friend. The culture is fiery and passionate and it may or may mean absolutely nothing when he lays the lines on you, with sincerity. WASP guys are generally awkward, coming from a non-communicative culture. The Middle Eastern guys will often take your heart for a spin. They have a much more intimate social space so they get closer than the WASPs and women can interpret that as a form of intimacy. It can be creepy of it can show all the signs of sincerity--depends upon the guy. So, don't get too dazzled; be a bit nonchalant because that is the type of women their used to. Middle Eastern women can be poker-faced or even show distain when faced with their men's flattery, as if "no-big deal" (even though, if it is the right guy, they secretly love the attention).

Anyway, have a good time. Don't let him dazzle you. Realize that half the flirtation may not actually mean anything.

WASP guys?..

I'll keep that in mind, cam, thanks I think i've been pretty nonchalant, mostly. Did bring him chocolates from germany though.. did I mention he sent me like 14 emails while I was gone?

[vashti]

How old was that guy, Tiay? Unfortunately, he sounds like many young guys who simply got cold feet.

WASP means white anglo-saxon protestant.

I generally agree with what CAM said in that middle-easterners generally have a much smaller sense of social space leading to a false sense of intimacy, but I interpretted his post as being a bit more sinister than I feel is warranted (not sure he meant it that way). It's just a cultural difference.

[Tiay]

How old was that guy, Tiay? Unfortunately, he sounds like many young guys who simply got cold feet.

WASP means white anglo-saxon protestant.

oh, ok, i'm no expert.. but isn't that different from muslim...ism? or was that the point? lol, i'm probably being an idiot.

he's 22, so same age as me.

I generally agree with what CAM said in that middle-easterners generally have a much smaller sense of social space leading to a false sense of intimacy, but I interpretted his post as being a bit more sinister than I feel is warranted (not sure he meant it that way). It's just a cultural difference.

hm, ok, I see what you mean. Though, before that time holding hands in the cinema I don't think he got very close, physically.
And of course then we went bit beyond any cultural difference in personal space when we were rolling around topless on his bed.. We met around lunchtime today and walked to the park along the river. He seems very cautious of public displays of affection, because he looked around before kissing, and lemme tell you the park was deserted. We're planning to watch another 'movie' tomorrow...

I should clean my room!

[CAM]

oh, ok, i'm no expert.. but isn't that different from muslim...ism? or was that the point? lol, i'm probably being an idiot.

What I mean is that he's not a WASP--the Middle East is influenced by Orientalism (Eastern mentality)--that doesn't mean Asian per se, as we think of it. It also doesn't mean "Muslim." The Eastern mentality is nearly 180 degrees from the Western European mentality...in other words, you are dealing with a very different mind-set and it is easy to misinterpret things.

Even though I was born in the US, I was raised in the traditional ways as well as being influenced by Western culture. So, my reactions to things are a bit different. I'm sure your friend is the same.

[Tiay]

What I mean is that he's not a WASP--the Middle East is influenced by Orientalism (Eastern mentality)--that doesn't mean Asian per se, as we think of it. It also doesn't mean "Muslim." The Eastern mentality is nearly 180 degrees from the Western European mentality...in other words, you are dealing with a very different mind-set and it is easy to misinterpret things.

Even though I was born in the US, I was raised in the traditional ways as well as being influenced by Western culture. So, my reactions to things are a bit different. I'm sure your friend is the same.

ah, ok, i'm an idiot, so. Oh, but he is muslim. and doesn't eat pork. He's only been away from Turkey since september. I get the impression that they take religion a bit more seriously there. But you're right- it's a whole different culture/mentality, too.

sounds like you are perfectly qualified to advise me, then