Marriage - How does it benifit men?

[The Wise]

Yes Im sure its what I want. Ive wanted it for a very long time. Despite his urge to not get married we have very few issues in our relationship. We get along well, we enjoy being around one another. I have had many relationships in the past were I was never married. And I knew in those relationships that I did not want to marry the person I was with. The reasons why I want to marry him vary. I want a promise from him that I can always expect him to be there for me even if we argue and fight. I want him to prove to me through marriage that he feels like Im the only one for him and that he's not just going to walk out on me on a whim if anything goes wrong. My children want us married as well. But that doesnt really determine my decision and need for marriage. Its more of an emotional thing for me then anything. Its really hard to explain but I want to share the rest of my life with him, and I want to do it legaly and bindingly. Being a girlfriend just isnt enough for me. I need that sense of security and love that I just cant get by him telling me that he loves me. Anyone can say it, but it doesnt mean anything till they show it and prove it. So to me marriage is a proof of love and dedication.

All this is reasonable.

But a marriage can be broken, and it just takes one of the two people to do so. There is no way a marriage can continue if one of the two doesn't want it. Therefore... it's not really binding. The only binding it can do, is to create a pain-in-ass in legal stuff, wasting money on divorce lawyers, paperwork etc. But even if it's terribly frustrating, this pain-in-ass has never prevented someone to break a marriage. Therefore you won't be safe after married, although the feeling of safety may be a good thing anyway.

Some friends of mine are like that: they absolutely don't want to be married, even tho they are living together and have kids. There is a block deep in their mind which makes marriage a scary thing. But in other people, there is a similar block making not-being-married a scary thing as well

Is there a middle ground in your country legislation you can consider, such as a lesser but official status for couples?

I don't have much else to suggest here... Except that I find it very pathetic when someone aged beyond 50 calls his partner "my girlfriend", "my baby" or "my woman" because he cannot call her "my WIFE", but I guess this ain't going to convince him

[misombra]

marriage doesn't benefit anybody except for those who value it in their hearts and minds.

my close friend is getting her divorce this week. the guy said, "go after my house and i'll go after the custody of our daughter." yes he did say those exact words. he turned their daughter into a pawn. something equal to a house.

he's now moving his new girlfriend and her three kids into his house.

go marriage. yay.

[bud2075]

Marriage is a shared responsibility..if 2 people are commited than they should work towards respecting and understanding each others needs and differences,but it dosent always work out that way unfourtunatley

[bluesummer]

There really is no actual financial gain to a man as to why to get married. None.

Not true. After we're married, my man will get to use all my extra education credits against his taxes, which means he'll get thousands of dollars back for the next few years.

I would think that if I told a man I wanted to get married and he asked "what's in in for me?" I wouldn't bother to answer him, I'd just leave. It reeks of an insensitivity chip. Unless you guys are planning to break up, what HARM is there in it? It makes you happy....doesn't he want to make you happy? Is marrying you suddenly going to change his world and throw him into the pits of despair? Yeesh.

In the grand scheme of things, there's really nothing in it for the woman to get married either. You have to go through all that shit of changing your name, which is a real pain.

[NeoSeminole]

bluesummer says:

"Not true. After we're married, my man will get to use all my extra education credits against his taxes, which means he'll get thousands of dollars back for the next few years."

oh please! Way to use a rare exception to refute a general rule as if we're suppose to change our minds. For every situation like yours, there are many, many more where the guy stands to gain nothing financially through marriage.

"I would think that if I told a man I wanted to get married and he asked "what's in in for me?" I wouldn't bother to answer him, I'd just leave. It reeks of an insensitivity chip. Unless you guys are planning to break up, what HARM is there in it? It makes you happy....doesn't he want to make you happy? Is marrying you suddenly going to change his world and throw him into the pits of despair? Yeesh."

ha ha ha, you're a girl so I don't expect you to understand. It's like one of your friends asking you to sign a contract that says you two will be best friends forever but if things don't work out, then he or she gets half of your assets. I would like to see you not pause for a moment and think "what's in it for me?"

"In the grand scheme of things, there's really nothing in it for the woman to get married either. You have to go through all that shit of changing your name, which is a real pain."

riiiiight <rolls eyes>

[bluesummer]

Holy **** Neo. What about the WOMAN'S assets? I've had more than a few friends lose their shit in divorce. I for one made twice what my ex did. Stop ****ing assuming that the man has all the money and assets in the relationship. And PLEASE tell me the benefit for the female in marriage? Where? Tell me how I am in any way going to be better off being legally tied to my man? I don't see a benefit. Maybe back up your stupid "riiiiiiiggggghhhhht" comment with some sound reasoning, if you have any. Don't use the whole 'I get half his shit' logic either. I pay part of the mortgage, I own my own car and own my own stocks and mutual funds. I don't need his. So........?

God, I don't even know why I bother replying to your posts. You've become such a smug mysogynistic asswipe recently. It shows in everything you post.

[lesa]

Like someone said, maybe the only benefit for the man is to able to call her a wife rather than a girlfriend or some other term. I don't like the term girlfriend and boyfriend by mature (older) adults. I don't like it for myself---not if I've been dating him for years! Fiance is not that cool either. They all sound lame. So using lameness as an excuse to marry may be your only way hehe. It gives you a sort of "prestige in your relationship".

[vashti]

Married men make more money than single men.

[url]http://people.ischool.berkeley.edu/~hal/people/hal/NYTimes/2004-07-29.html[/url]

Also, women make more money than men in big cities, so it stands to reason they can also "lose" more.

[url]http://www.reuters.com/article/domesticNews/idUSN0334472920070803[/url]

You boys can stop feeling sorry for yourselves now.

[doppelgaenger]

marriage doesn't benefit anybody except for those who value it in their hearts and minds.

my close friend is getting her divorce this week. the guy said, "go after my house and i'll go after the custody of our daughter." yes he did say those exact words. he turned their daughter into a pawn. something equal to a house.

he's now moving his new girlfriend and her three kids into his house.

go marriage. yay.

That's not because of marriage... that's because the guy is a DICK.

[NeoSeminole]

bluesummer says:

"Holy **** Neo. What about the WOMAN'S assets? I've had more than a few friends lose their shit in divorce. I for one made twice what my ex did. Stop ****ing assuming that the man has all the money and assets in the relationship."

yawn, I said the majority of guys stand to gain nothing financially through marriage. Explain how you gathered from my comment that some women don't earn more or that the man has all the money.

"And PLEASE tell me the benefit for the female in marriage? Where? Tell me how I am in any way going to be better off being legally tied to my man? I don't see a benefit. Maybe back up your stupid "riiiiiiiggggghhhhht" comment with some sound reasoning, if you have any. Don't use the whole 'I get half his shit' logic either. I pay part of the mortgage, I own my own car and own my own stocks and mutual funds. I don't need his. So........?"

cut the crap. I already told you for every situation like yours, there are many more where the guy stands to gain nothing financially. You basically have him in ball and chain. If you decide to divorce him, you get half his shit. If he wants to leave you, he has to give you half his shit. I could care less if you pay half and own your own car. This doesn't disprove what I said earlier.

"God, I don't even know why I bother replying to your posts. You've become such a smug mysogynistic asswipe recently. It shows in everything you post."

and you come across as an illiterate moron who thinks having a vagina gives her the right to act like a b*tch. ;-)

[vashti]

I suppose the moral of the story is that men shouldn't marry solely because they want to make money off their wife. ::shrug::

[IndiReloaded]

Shrug. Assholes abound across the sexes. To me, this questions is more about what Miso said: get married b/c it will make you happy, it has meaning for your life and you are committed to it. Getting married for financial reasons alone is stupid. IMO, if that is all you want, you are better off spending that energy on making good stock investments, instead of a rich partner.

Financially, married men make more money than single men on average. They are also healthier. Wouldn't be surprised if the two are related.

I wonder, however, if married women make more money than their single counterparts. Also their health. This would be interesting. Perhaps we are asking the wrong question.

Based on who I know, I'd have to classify happiness as follows:

Happily married couple > Single people > Unhappily married > divorced/single parents

That's not to say that single parents can't be happy, of course. I'm just saying that the happiest, healthiest and wealthiest folks I know are those in stable marriages. On average, the single parents I know are struggling. I do note it seems better to be single than in a miserable marriage. But even those who are happily single are often looking for that "something extra", which usually means a partner to share life with.

[bluesummer]

cut the crap. I already told you for every situation like yours, there are many more where the guy stands to gain nothing financially. You basically have him in ball and chain. If you decide to divorce him, you get half his shit. If he wants to leave you, he has to give you half his shit. I could care less if you pay half and own your own car. This doesn't disprove what I said earlier.

What crap? I know more about this than you do. These broad assumptions from someone who's never been married OR divorced? You're too young to even know very many people that have been through the process. I've been both, and I've been through the divorces of many friends and family. Let me tell you, the only time I've seen a man have to pay is when there are kids involved. Not ONCE has any friend of mine benefited from alimony, or 'getting half of his shit' as you so eloquently put it. Never. I don't even KNOW anyone that has. Some DID take half away, but half already belonged to them in the first place (you pay half, then half is yours, right?). You're just using a blanket male train of thought. As usual.

I'm not saying there isn't the odd gold digging bitch out there that figures it's her god-given right to take something she hasn't earned, but they are more rare than you think. I have no respect for those women.

and you come across as an illiterate moron who thinks having a vagina gives her the right to act like a b*tch. ;-)

I hardly come across as illiterate or a moron. That's just fact. Bitch, maybe. I'll refer back to my previous 'mysogynistic' comment though, since it AGAIN clearly applies. Yawn.

[Gribble]

Married men make more money than single men.

Married men also have far more expenses. I have a feeling that in the end the single guy has more dough in his pocket.

[NeoSeminole]

bluesummer says:

"What crap? I know more about this than you do. These broad assumptions from someone who's never been married OR divorced? You're too young to even know very many people that have been through the process. I've been both, and I've been through the divorces of many friends and family. Let me tell you, the only time I've seen a man have to pay is when there are kids involved. Not ONCE has any friend of mine benefited from alimony, or 'getting half of his shit' as you so eloquently put it. Never. I don't even KNOW anyone that has. Some DID take half away, but half already belonged to them in the first place (you pay half, then half is yours, right?). You're just using a blanket male train of thought. As usual."

ha ha, I suppose I just imagined all the guys I've heard or read about who ended up with loses in divorce court while the ex-wife gained money and assets. Silly me! I'm not using a "blanket male train of thought" as you say. Statistics show that married men are more likely to earn more than their wives. Guess who stands to lose more financially when assets are equally divided?

"I hardly come across as illiterate or a moron. That's just fact."

I'm still waiting for you to explain how you gathered from my earlier comment that some women don't earn more or that the man has all the money.