I really do not know what to think about this - HELP! (super duper long)

[JohnnyGileaid]

::::::::EDITED SUMMARY AND NUMBERED PARAGRAPHS FOR REFERENCE::::::::::

***details moved to second post***

(You may want to read the paragraphs I referenced for more detail)

- Met girl at party who gave me her number.
- Call her next day and set up date for mid week.
- She texts me the day after that to hang out with friends at bar and I go.
- Date ends up changing to going out with her friends at club. [3]
- Call her about change of plans and have weird conversation, I think she is not interested. [5]
- We go to club and have a good time, but I don't kiss her. Reason on [9] and [11]
- She leaves to go out of town for several weeks.
- I text her three days later, responds to first text immediately, ignores second completely.
- Same exact thing three days after that.
- I'm frustrated and stop contacting, but she texts me about 2-3 days later about some political thing, conversation is extremely short.
- I consistently run into her friends when I go out for several days in a row.
- One friend (male) tells me not to waste my time with her. [16]
- A few days later I hear through a chain of friends that she is not into me and is in a serious relationship. [18]
- I give up on her and start dating another girl.
- No contact for over a week and a half.
- My friend at work tells me that I should not base my decision on hearsay and should still ask if she wants to do anything to be polite.
- I reluctantly text her if she still wants to do something when she gets back and she says yes... This catches me off guard big time.

My questions all the way at the bottom of second post.

[JohnnyGileaid]

I have posted part of this before here while it was going on and may have embellished it a bit because I was afraid one of my friends or her might come to this forum and see it. I honestly do not care anymore and this is as accurate as possible.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

[1] Okay, first of all I'm male and a senior in college. I met this girl at a semi-mutual friends party and we hung out the entire night. I never made any moves since I assumed she was taken (came with another guy), but she kept wanting to talk to me and dance with me, etc. At the end of the night she ran her hands down my arms, took hold of both my hands, and look up all shy/cute and asked me if I was going to ask her for her number. I said I would love her number and so it starts...


[2] I call her the next day, a fairly short call and find out she will be going out of town for a few weeks in about six days. I assume that her is turning me down, so I was about to end the call, but then she told me that I have to take her out before then, so we set up date mid-week.


[3] She texts me the following day and invites me to go to a bar with her and her friends. I agree and get there fairly late because of work and we spend about 45 minutes together and then she has to go because she works in the morning. I meet all her friends and everyone got along. We had a good time for what it was and she reminds me that we still have a date later in the week. One of her friends invites me to go to the club with them later in the week and says they are all going (the same day as our date), the girl asks me if we can do that instead (hasn't seen her friends in a long time) and so I agree.


[4] (Weird side note that could be important: she wouldn't let me buy her any drinks or anything. Every time I would ask, she would say something like, "why would you buy me a drink." I assumed she was just one of those women who aren't into that, but it could be important later on.)

[5] I text her the next day and say I had a good time with her and she texts back that she did as well. Another day passes and I call her to ask details about what we are doing for our "date"/club thing. I asked what time we are going and if she wants me to pick her up. The girl acts completely disinterested trying she is rushing me off the phone and saying something like, "if you feel like you have to pick me up you can, but I'm not drinking." (I have no clue what that means.) Then she says something like, "listen, maybe we should just get coffee or something and that's it."


[6] Well, I'm very surprised by how the call went and end it soon as possible. The follow day (day of the "date") I text her in the morning and say if she is really busy (which is possible because she is going out of town for work) then we don't have to do anything today, basically trying to get out of the date because I don't think she is interested. She texts back something like, "if you don't want to we don't have to, but we are meeting at my friends house to go to the club around 9PM."


[7] I text her and tell her that I would love to go with her and she immediately texts back saying she is excited and I should meet her at her friends.


[8] So I meet her at her friends house and we all talk and take shots to get pre-drunk and finally leave for the club. The entire time we are at the club the girl and I are literally joined at the hip, whether we are dancing or whatnot. I finally convince her the let me buy her a drink and we have a great time. As the night went on, we would see people making out and she would say something like, "I wish I was doing that." Obvious go sign I guess and so a few times later I tried to kiss her, but she would turn down and giggle... We kept dancing throughout the night (this girl has some serious energy) and she wanted me to hold her hand or her the entire time.


[9] Well by the end of the night my alcohol was wearing off, none of us got too drunk, but even so when mine starts to wear off I always get really mopey and depressing, and don't feel like doing anything. My friends make fun of me all the time, because when I tipsy/drunk am super excited and animated, but when it wears off they say I become stoic and don't talk much.


[9] So we all went back to the friend of the girl I was with's appartment and talked for a bit and then started to head out (the girl with the appartment actually brought a guy back from the bar and so she wanted us to leave). I walked the girl I was with back to her car and we didn't talk too much, probably my fault, and her and I said our goodbyes. I asked her if she wanted to do something when she got back and she told me yes, and that she wanted to do something the day we got back.


[10] We both drove home separately.


[11] Another maybe important sidenote: It occurred to me later that she probably wanted me to kiss her when we were alone at her car, but I didn't. For two reasons, 1) she didn't kiss me earlier when I tried and 2) the 'alcohol wear off' thing I described above. Deal breaker? I don't know.)


[12] I texted her the next day and told her she looked beautiful last night and I had a good time with here, and she only replied with a 'yeah'. I didn't make any contact for about three days and asked her how her trip was going. She replied back immediately with a little note about what she was doing. I asked her a question about it and she never responded.


[13] Three days later I text her again asking her how she was doing and how her day was. Again she sent a little text about her day. Again I asked her a question about it and did not get a response.


[14] At this point I was a little frustrated and just stopped contacting her, figuring I would just call when she gets back to see if she still wants to do something. A few days later she texts me though complaining about some political thing (seemed a weird thing to do) and I responded, adding in a little joke that I somehow tied in from when we had went out before. No response, conversation ends.


[15] Now I know you are wondering when my rant will end, but I have a whole nother arc to go over.


[16] I should tell you that my friend and I like to go out a lot to bars/clubs/parties etc. Well, as expected we did. As luck would have it, every single time we would go out, I would run into her friends... Pretty awkward at first, but we got along well, so we would typically end up hanging out together. Well I started talking to one of her good friends (male) who had literally just broken up with his girlfriend and he asked me if I was interested in her (the girl I had been talking to). I said yes and he immediately told me not to waste my time. He said she does not date anyone and acts like this with all guys...


[17] Wow. Okay, well I'm not going to hold this hearsay agaisn't her and still planned to call her when she got back.


[18] About a week later, still no contact between me and the girl, my best friend who works with her best friend (female) calls me and says he has something important to say. I call him back and he tells me that he was told by her best friend that: I'm a really nice guy, but... she is not interested in me and is getting serious with another guy.


[19] At this point I'm like whateves, we haven't talked to each other in over a week and I don't plan on contacting her again. I also started going out a bit with another girl I met at school.

[20] A woman who I work with always asks me about my love life, and tells me that I should not listen to all of this hearsay stuff and that, while it probably wont work out, I should still ask her if she wants to do something when she gets back.


[21] I was reluctant, saying I really wasn't that interested in her anymore and she kept giving me mixed signals. I finally caved and texted her while at work asking if she still wanted to do something when we got back. I fully expected her to say no or make some excuse, but she texted back 'yes'. WHAT?!!! I didn't really know what to do, so I just said let's do something Monday and she texts back something like, "just tell me when and where."

[22] I do not understand this girl at all. Honestly, I'm not even sure what to do. I'm really not excited about going at all and just want to be done with this whole thing, but at the same time I really do have a great time with her whenever I am with her in person. I think she is very fun and beautiful, and honestly do not think I have ever been as attracted physically to a girl before.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't know if I have a question as much as just: what do you guys make of this? It occurred to me that maybe all she wanted was a friendship (the reason she didn't want me to buy her stuff). It also occurred to me that because I didn't kiss her that night she was really turned off to the whole thing.

How should I play this date? Because I have no idea where we stand. I don't even know if it is a "date". What would you guys do in this situation?

[ecojeanne]

she is acting a bit weird alright. she says she's not interested and yet she accepts a date. man go on the date and if you can't get a kiss then just move on, you've tried but she is really giving mixed signals

[JohnnyGileaid]

she is acting a bit weird alright. she says she's not interested and yet she accepts a date. man go on the date and if you can't get a kiss then just move on, you've tried but she is really giving mixed signals

I feel like there is something going on behind the scenes that I don't know about. Whenever I run into her best friend (female) she acts really weird around me, like she knows something I don't.

Ugh. I don't know. Yeah, I'm definitely going to go on the date (I'm not the stand up type), but I have a feeling it is going to be really awkward. We are definitely going to go somewhere where it is easy to bail asap if things go poorly.

And thanks for reading all that, I know it is way too long to actually expect someone to look at. I appreciate it.

Edit::: Do you think because I didn't kiss her at the end of the second date she would have been really put off? Would you have been? For some reason I have a feeling that played a part.

[ecojeanne]

Edit::: Do you think because I didn't kiss her at the end of the second date she would have been really put off? Would you have been? For some reason I have a feeling that played a part.

no i don't think so, she has been hot and cold, but you never know i suppose, test the waters on the date anyway and see how she reacts, just incase choose a moment when you are both alone to kiss her. maybe she doesn't want to kiss in a crowd (like the nightclub scenario, she may have been self conscious) after that i can't really tell ya,

good luck

[Doc Durian]

I was a bit worried there for a moment. Didn't know if it was safe to click on the thread based on the thread title. lol

[JohnnyGileaid]

I was a bit worried there for a moment. Didn't know if it was safe to click on the thread based on the thread title. lol

Lol! Maybe I should have worded that different. Woops.

And thanks Eco, we'll see I guess.

[IndiReloaded]

Can someone summarize that? Or at least bold the important bits from the details? Thanks.

[JohnnyGileaid]

Can someone summarize that? Or at least bold the important bits from the details? Thanks.

Um, all of it is important. :-P

I did a summary for you; edited it into the first post.

:::Edit::: Another question I just thought of: Is there any reason you would accept a date with someone (via text) you didn't want to go out with? Unless she thinks this is just a friend thing or something... Hm.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, a gal who is very interested will make time to see you. At this point she sounds undecided at best.

Try again, since she said yes to you. Arrange for another date. If she bails or changes things too much then bail. Its disrespectful to jerk someone around; she knows you're interested. She should go out with you or tell you clearly she isn't.

How are things with the new girl, btw? You shouldn't lead her on either, especially if you are going to date this other gal.

[Yggdrasil]

She sounds like a player to me.

[JohnnyGileaid]

Well, a gal who is very interested will make time to see you. At this point she sounds undecided at best.

Try again, since she said yes to you. Arrange for another date. If she bails or changes things too much then bail. Its disrespectful to jerk someone around; she knows you're interested. She should go out with you or tell you clearly she isn't.

How are things with the new girl, btw? You shouldn't lead her on either, especially if you are going to date this other gal.

Well, I really don't think that the girl I am talking about in the thread is going to go farther than this date on Monday. I already have several exit excuses lined up and we are definitely going somewhere you can leave at a moments notice. I'm really not looking forward to it and only asked if she still wanted to do something with my because I thought she would say no (I was just trying to be polite since I did tell her I would call her about doing something when she got back)... I'm not saying I'm completely against it though, I honestly did like her a lot and I am willing to give it another shot.

The thing I don't get about her is when we are together, so shows tons of signs that she is into me. TONS! Talks about doing future things together, always wants to touch me, will sort of shiver when brush my hands over her, tells me she thinks I am "beautiful" (her words), etc. Then nothing when we are apart.

The other girl is a-whole-nother thing. Phew, let me try to sum it up. I have known her for several years in college and we would always flirt with each other. We both knew that we liked each other, but she was in a relationship so I never pursued anything. She however would always want me to walk her to class, make sure we were in the same classes the next semester, and would want me to eat lunch with her in between classes here and there.

She would also call me when she had trouble with her boyfriend, where I would pretty much just sit there saying "mmhmm" in the phone until she was done. Again, we never did anything and I never tried anything.

Anyway, she called me the other day and said she just broke up with her boyfriend and wanted to see me. She told me she wanted me to come over that night and "comfort" her (her words), to which I politely refused (lied about) and set up a coffee date with her later in the week. I don't want to take advantage or her, nor do I want to be a rebound since we really are good friends. I am planning on taking it really slow until she gets over it, so nothing serious at all.

I don't feel like I am leading either on, since one could easily just stay friend-status and the other is apparently not really into me or something. Neither are serious at all at this point.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, sounds like Ygg's might be the warning to heed then. Good luck, and good call re: your friend. That could get messy, esp with a recent ex. Don't let yourself become her rebound clown.

[JohnnyGileaid]

She sounds like a player to me.

I have a feelin'. I was warned by one of her friends (male) who told me not to waste time with her and that she does this to all guys that she meets. I thought he might just be trying to c-block, but now I think he might have really been looking out for me.

Hm... I may just go on this date and tell her we're done at the end no matter how it goes. I really do not feel like wasting anymore time with her.

It bugs me that I am on the other end of the stick, but God knows there was a time when I was absolutely terrible to women. Part of me thinks I probably deserve this and should just see it through, sort of an atonement of a sense.

[ecojeanne]

Can someone summarize that? Or at least bold the important bits from the details? Thanks.

information overload, machine breakdown failure