Getting used? whats her intensions.

[Calli]

Greetings Loveforum,

Hopefully some of you relationship "experts" could really help me out because at the moment the only way I can desribe myself at the moment is a confused 20year with his head up his arse!

I'll give a breif synopsis of the past with a sort of Ex called Katie (hence I say sort of ex as we where only involved with eachother for about 4weeks) well I fell headover heals for Katie Im really choosy on my girls and this is the first one I've ever fell for so maybe some of you can understand why I've done some of the stuff I've done.

Anyway, me and katie ended after mix signals had been given off and we realised we both wanted different things from eachother the ending was more to do with her then me, I was really gutted about it. I decided to cut all contact, deleted her out my entire life got a new phone number etc. The next 1-2months where really hard for me I was down all the time etc but managed not to speak to katie, I had a new phonenumber and started living my life again I even started to like other girls again instead of thinking katie was the only one I wanted and luck seemed to have it that during my time of getting over her I never once encountered her wilst i was out clubbing so she was clean of my brain.

Then the first date I went on since the break we ended up going to a club I turn around and who do I scouring the back of my head as me an the girl was pretty touchy none other than Katie I felt sick to my stomach but laughed it off. Katie was constently looking at me smiling so I decided to give a wave back as I didnt want no bullshit to go down, I moved upstairs to avoid her then all of a sudden her mate comes walking over, asking who the girl was and to tell me that she thought Katie still liked...all good yeah? well not really Katies now got a boyfreind, I shrugged it off an continued my night while being watched like a hawk by katie. I went home and didnt think anything of it. 2days later the one mistake I made when deleting katie out of my life I didnt block her on facebook and she contacted me I thought I would have been fine with it and could have been mates but after a few messages and her flirting I was back to square one and had quickly re-fell for katie, we exchanged numbers and it was obvious to me that this girl seemed to like me more than now than she ever did. She was texting me all the time then it resulted in her asking me to go to her house, I knew she had a boyfreind but i didnt care I thought it would be awkward but it wasnt it was really nice we watched a few movies together and then I ended up leaving at 5.30am nothing happened we ended the night with a peck on the cheek.

I decided to myself that I was better than being some bit on the side and decided to tell katie this and also my thoughts than she still liked me she responded that she liked me and has feelings for me. Great I got the girl! or did i? I said to her we could sort things out if she wanted but a few of my freinds dislike her for how gutted I was and she said that she doesnt want my freinds to hate her or for me to fall out with them, it sounded like a sour excuse to me so I didnt make an effort to text her.

Saturday night comes (2days after my text to her) as soon as she enters the clubbing area she texts me asking where I was, i told her an she replied "me too" i replied "Nice, Im going another club now may see you later " she replies "lmao. bitch!!" bearing in myne that my freinds are really good freinds with her freinds, in the next club the 2groups quickly co-mingle and she starts texting me from across the club saying "see your mates hate" me i told her i wasnt bothered what they thought and we quickly where talking etc I was really drunk by this time so not sure how obvious it looked to people but apparently we was walking around holding hands and everybody who didnt know we where speaking knew then, people even jockingly said "get a room!" we had a good night an it's obvious she likes me alot her freinds have said shes been saying that she reckons me an her will end up going out. but my question to this is. Why when I asked her to sort it out with me she wouldnt? is she just using me? do you think she really likes me or is just a player?

I've said to her you cant love your boyfreind if you said you have feelings for me but it doesnt seem to work, her best mate said her heads a mess but she knows that she wants to be with me.

sorry about the wall of text, someone tell me what to do!!! I was thinking about not texting her for a few days to prove i wont always be there an maybe she'll realise what shes loosing.

P.s during the time of me not speaking to her she said when I started speaking to her "cringe! that text i sent you the other month is so embarrasing!" but it was to my old number so im really entrigued to find out what is was.

If this is abit confusing im sorry.

[laterenima]

i didnt get 2 talk 2 my certain someone as much as you did yours, but i feel and have done the same as you.
strange, we posted our questions at arounf the same time, on the same sort of topic.

[lostinconfusion]

i think she def. wants you, but not for the right reasons.

unintentionally you did everything a guy should do when trying to get a girl back, except you were actually trying to get over her. you are now mr. desirable. you seemed to have moved on and have a been having a good time with other girls. so, her being a very specific type of female, she now wants you. BUT she doesn't want you for you, she wants you the same way we all want something that we seemingly can't have. by trying to move on but at the same time being torn by your feelings towards her you are unintentional playing the "pull and push" game. so like i said you are making yourself wanted to her accidentally for all the wrong reasons. BUT when you ask for something steady, she can't let you have it, because like i said she doesn't want to be with you, she just wants you for now because of the circumstances.

SO, i say, move on buddy. would you even want a girl who has confusing situations with other guys while having a bf? if she treats her bf like this, even if you end up winning her over, she'll turn around and do the same to you. :-\

[Charlie Boy II]

^^^^ that's a pretty spot on answer.

[Calli]

Yea, thanks for the answer it actually makes alot of sence. Theres been abit of a forwarding in me an her, I'll give an update.

On Thursday night I was planning on going out clubbing she was going aswell she knew I was going, at about 9pm she text me saying she has something of myne which I left at hers which I wanted back, then asked where I was and what time I was getting there. Same thing happened as the week before we danced etc spent most of the night, her and her freind stayed at myne she didnt leave untill 6pm yesterday when going it was brought up that both (-.-) are going to stay again tonight katie even said "ill bring food " after she left she text me saying she wanted to be back in bed as it wasnt her to wanted to leave but a freind, I texted back and had 0 reply though she might have been asleep at the time as I text back 2hours later an she had claimed to be really tired wilst at myne.

I do think she likes me but wants me more for the reason that she couldnt have me.

If she comes tonight then I will speak to her about the current situation and what she wants out of me as she knows pretty clear that I dont want to be just freinds.

thanks for the input!

[Charlie Boy II]

Don't tell her shit. You're doing amazingly well.

If you try and lay everything on the table you'll end up at square one.

[lostinconfusion]

are you sure you event want this girl back? i mean she doesn't seem like she could offer you much happiness, just games.

[Calli]

I love this girl alot. her mate keeps telling me that katies in love with me an it's hurting me alot. I want to be with her soo much but I dont know what way to go around it. If i put it all on the table now an say to her decide and she rejects me i'll be fine after awhile but she will find a way to crawl back into my life an it's really starting to depress me.

I dont know what to do or how to go about it.

[lostinconfusion]

i think no matter what you decide on you need to be a bit stronger and just stick to your decision without being swayed by her influence so easily.

[Calli]

Ok, so I finally needed to put it all on the table, I got over her once I can do it again without thinking what-if, either way it can end good.
I'll either end up with her
I'll find out she doesnt want to be with me and just move on.

I bascilly give her a yes or no type question. On friday night one of her phycotic exes started texting katie saying I said various shit about her and random other stuff, an the text i got back from her was "my heads up my arse atm because all the stuff with the ex, I'll text you tomorrow x" My text was pretty late at night and it wasnt the best time to discuss it. Im just anxcious for the outcome today.

I'll let you know what happens.

[Cbrider]

At some point in your life, you will realize that a good potential match isn't going to run in circles until they make up their mind.

Trust me, walk away. You're 20, you're going to "love" a lot of girls and the meaning of that word will change drastically as you grow up.

[Calli]

Im considering just walking away, but I'd want to give her an explination to her as I wouldn't want to be left in the dark like I am now, if I was in her situation.

A few people have said my ultimatum is somewhat harsh? Either your wish me or never speak to me ever again. Simply because I'll always have these feelings for her if I carried on speaking to her.

[Yggdrasil]

Im considering just walking away, but I'd want to give her an explination to her as I wouldn't want to be left in the dark like I am now, if I was in her situation.

A few people have said my ultimatum is somewhat harsh? Either your wish me or never speak to me ever again. Simply because I'll always have these feelings for her if I carried on speaking to her.

Well, you want closure, that's normal. And harsh? No.. you're not being harsh. It's everything or nothing, there is no way in the middle here. No compromise, no half done things. In these matters, either someone is 100% with you, or 100% against you. There is no such thing as someone being 50% or 60% or whatever % commited to a partner. It's 100% or goodbye.

Also remember: she's your EX for a reason.

You're doing the right thing. Don't let anyone tell you different.

For what it's worth: you deserve a lot better.

Good luck.

[Calli]

wow what a day. Katie found out I was texting another girl even though just as freinds she got insanely jelous and instantly thought something was going on, we had abit of an arguement and it was like almost instantly she forgive me though I actually do anything wrong, she actually agreed to coming to myne tonight.

I actually think this girls got a screw loose!!

[girl68]

I love this girl alot. her mate keeps telling me that katies in love with me an it's hurting me alot. I want to be with her soo much but I dont know what way to go around it. If i put it all on the table now an say to her decide and she rejects me i'll be fine after awhile but she will find a way to crawl back into my life an it's really starting to depress me.

I dont know what to do or how to go about it.

If she loved you, she wouldn't have a bf. She would have left a long time ago to persue you- she didn't. Period.

She wants... what she cannot have. I'll be willing to bet money the minute you are "hers" you lose half the appeal and thus... the end of the relationship.