Please Help! My Past is ruining my life.

[Carolina Girl]

My father left me when i was 4...i am 26 now and currently in a relationship of 1 year...i've had one serious relationship other than the one i'm in now...me and the guy dated for 2 years...we were engaged and everything and the happier things got for us the more i got scared and pushed him away...i have huge trust issues with men b/c of my dad leaving...i feel like all men will leave me eventually so why not push them away before they can...i am very controlling in my relationships...the boyfriend can't go anywhere without me...i am so screwed up i don't even want them going to a job in fear of them finding someone else and leaving me...my fiance and i argued all the time...i was very mean to him...called him really hurtful stuff all the time trying to push him away and it worked...he no longer speaks to me at all...now i'm having issues with my current boyfriend b/c i'm scared of him leaving me and i'm being very controlling again...not wanting him going anywhere at all without me...all i want is to be married with a family and i'm so terrifed i will never have that and i don't know how to overcome this fear of being happy with a person and trusting they won't leave me...what do i do??...

[girl68]

GET HELP.

No one here is qualified to help you deal with major underlying problems which is what you have. You NEED to go find someone who you can spill to and who will give you the help that you need. You've done a good job recognizing such a problem... now you have to find a solution.

[SouthCarolina]

First. Great name!

I would say the same thing... underlying problems that you have already realized are hurting ur present and future relationships. The only way to change is from the inside

Ask yourself this..If you were married,would you still be the same way? More than likely, marrage will not make u fell more secure

[Gigabitch]

My father was a violent, psychotic, drunk narcissist and I'm not afraid of men.

Take some responsibility for your choices. You make it sound as if everything in your life is doomed. It isn't. Stand up and make some changes.

[Heath]

Hey carolina ,

According to your description you are very much like my ex ( her father left her at a young age to ) , trying to lock me up etc. What you are trying to do is get them closer to you so they wont leave you but what you are really doing is pushing them away.

So you are getting the opposite of what you actually want , there is a saying in my language i'll try to translate it as best as I can to english ' Imagine you have a pile of sand in the inside of your hand , if you let your hand lose and relaxed the sand will remain but if you squeeze to hard the sand will slip through your hands '

Please don't compare him to your father , all men are not alike.