My mom is ruining my relationship

[hughesbryant@ya]

I'm in love with another senior (both 18), except we go to private school and we're on break atm so she's 1 1/2 drive away. She has no license so I've been at her house about 7 out of 14 days break... I spend the night and it's been no issue because I'm a trustworthy child (4.0 GPA, no bad record).

But a few days ago, I asked if I could go and she said no because she thought I was disrespectful to her and I wasn't spending time with her... well she works so what does she expect. I was only allowed to go spend the day with her and drive back by 9, meaning no time to go to dinner.

Here's the dilemna, school starts in one week she's going away for another week of vaca the day before school and my mom is only allowing me to visit her one day this week and i can't spend the night... So pretty much I can spend 10 hours with her before she's gone for 7 days..... I'm angry

My mom says that she thinks her parents are going to get sick of me, but in reality they want me to come there because they find me a lot of fun and not intrusion at all. My girlfriend is taking it personally because she thinks my mom doesn't like her. Now my girlfriend won't talk to me and it's all my mom's fault because she won't let me spend the night.

What can I do? I'm willing to do anything to save our relationship because she is the world to me.

[lovesjoyajm]

Is this a boarding school?

It's your parents' house, so you need to respect their rules. You're on a two week break - I think your mom is right that it's unreasonable for you to spend every day with her when she lives so far away. Your mom probably doesn't want you to overdose on this girl, and even if her parents say you're not an intrusion, you are.

Plus, think how much gas you're wasting! Sheesh!

I would suck it up. You're going to see her at school once she gets back. Learn to live without each other for a few weeks.

[hughesbryant@ya]

Yes it's a boarding school. It's actually 3, long break. I realize the idea we spend alot of time together, it's just that we have a different type of relationship. We just fit together, we're best friends, so it's not an issue. I wouldn't consider her my girlfriend, more of my partner because we're beyond the impression stage and we're comfortable with eachother and just like who we are. I don't care about gas because it's worth it... I'd drive back and forth ever day and night just to spend time with her because that's what I'd do for our love.

[lovesjoyajm]

Yes it's a boarding school. It's actually 3, long break. I realize the idea we spend alot of time together, it's just that we have a different type of relationship. We just fit together, we're best friends, so it's not an issue. I wouldn't consider her my girlfriend, more of my partner because we're beyond the impression stage and we're comfortable with eachother and just like who we are. I don't care about gas because it's worth it... I'd drive back and forth ever day and night just to spend time with her because that's what I'd do for our love.

What I meant about the gas was, your relationship, your love are not in a vacuum. There are other people involved in both your lives. You are not living on your own with no responsibilities. You still have the responsibility to be a good son, which means listening to your mother, and a good citizen, which means not driving, by yourself, an hour and a half twice every day.

[Junket]

Gone for 7 days?

Calm down dude, I was only able to see my girlfriend every 6 weeks.

[vashti]

The only reason her parents aren't objecting is because it isn't THEIR child that is gone all the time, and your girlfriend's (and your) reaction is kind of childish.

You probably brought this all upon yourself by abusing the freedom your parents gave you. If you live away for school, your parents no doubt would like to see you when you are on break. Learn how to BALANCE your life better, and they won't have a need to place restrictions on you. If you had been home for a couple of days and then spent a night at your girlfriend's, come home for a couple of days, and then gone back, your parents probably would have been okay with it.

[jessie3]

Hi, I can appreciate your anguish. What we sometimes forget is that our parents have spent several years of their life raising and nurturing us, I know it was their choice but in my case it was just that my mum wanted to be shown some appreciation. All these years she had been supporting me, etc etc, then someone else comes along who is a blatant threat at taking away their baby and jelousy is bound to strike.

I know it sounds silly, but when I explained to my mum the situation she realised that I was growing up and finding my feet, and although I wasn't going to be spending as much time with her I still wanted her to be a part of my life.

Remind her you have great respect for her and appreciate everything that she has done, and she might just relax a little. Even something as sending her a text when you get there just saying see you tomorrow or whatever could go a long way.

[alovehangoverr]

The only reason her parents aren't objecting is because it isn't THEIR child that is gone all the time, and your girlfriend's (and your) reaction is kind of childish.

You probably brought this all upon yourself by abusing the freedom your parents gave you. If you live away for school, your parents no doubt would like to see you when you are on break. Learn how to BALANCE your life better, and they won't have a need to place restrictions on you. If you had been home for a couple of days and then spent a night at your girlfriend's, come home for a couple of days, and then gone back, your parents probably would have been okay with it.

I agree with this.

It doesn't sound like your mom is ruining your relationship at all.. she just expects to see you more and is worried about the amount of time you're putting into this girl as well as the hour and a half travel back and forth. Plus spending the night? A lot of parents wouldn't be cool with that.. you should be thankful your mom even considered and let you do that.

As for your girlfriends reaction-- I definitely agree with the above. It's childish. Not talk to you because your mom won't let you spend the night? Sounds like THAT is what would ruin your relationship, the lack of communication over a dumb issue, not your mother.

Have you tried talking to your mother about the situation or have you simply approached it as "you're being so unfair and ruining my relationship!" Just saying-- that's a bit childish too. If you want to be treated like an adult, it's time to start acting like one. Manage your time, deal with your responsibilities, and realize that you still live at home-- you're not going to get to do whatever you want.