Problem with girlfriend

[onemessedup]

not trying to be a jerk but do you really want to be with a person who causes you to sin where otherwise you wouldnt?

I don't. Perhaps I am just trying to be positive and believe that talking and reasoning would sort things out.

[IndiReloaded]

With a reasonable person who is willing to meet you partway, yes.

Maybe you should try a tactical break. I would normally say this is very manipulative, but she's not even trying to negotiate with you at this point. The shock might actually spur her to do better. Then you are in a better bargaining position to suggest some counselling before a reconciliation.

If she comes around, you both win. If not, you've lost... a really bad relationship?

[MVPlaya]

I don't. Perhaps I am just trying to be positive and believe that talking and reasoning would sort things out.

[onemessedup]

Well, that may be true but it doesn't make her behaviour acceptable. At least you are trying to do better. That counts for a lot, IMO. Tho I do think you have some issues about religion, but whatever. You're lucky this thread isn't about that or I'd be your worst nightmare.

I know you and Giga rubbed each other wrong, but she has a really good phrase for trying to change people who just don't want to go there:

Polishing a turd.

Does this^ resonate with you in any way about your interactions with this gal?

Nah. Actually I am a little irritated and disappointed because this really isn't about religion and you know, when you try to tell people and they kept focusing on things they want to attack, you get even more agitated? Especially when you're in despair? It's like I just feel into a puddle of mud, and you were seeking for someone to help you out or tell you how to get out, but some passer by just drop by and say, hey you're one piece of dirty fellow. And when you explained you fell in accidentally, the continue to hum on the fact that mud on you = dirty, you get even more confused of why people just do not listen first. And I thought this was a relationship forum, they change my mind but you changed it back!

I must say, she had change some bad things about herself after many times of arguments. Perhaps that is the reason why I am staying back. I see changes, though little and slow, it is moving. Hence I have this trickle of hope to believe, hey...if I stay longer, something may happen.

Do you understand how it feels when you love someone and all you want is to be with them and see how you can make them happy? But sometimes they abuse you and you still make reasons for them saying that they need some time to change?

Honestly, as what I was educated. People tend to oversee verbal abuse. Because there isn't any bruises and not many talks about it.

If everyone here would be able to see the severity of verbal abuse as equal or worst than that of physical, they won't say what they'd say anymore.

Imagine the story is now replaced with this, " I told her I don't like to hear, she insist and provoke...and when I show face, she hits me with a baseball bat on my head "

Now that would be different. It's just sad that people aren't able to associate with what which is out of the box, but only see what has already been generally and widely defined.

[onemessedup]

With a reasonable person who is willing to meet you partway, yes.

Maybe you should try a tactical break. I would normally say this is very manipulative, but she's not even trying to negotiate with you at this point. The shock might actually spur her to do better. Then you are in a better bargaining position to suggest some counselling before a reconciliation.

If she comes around, you both win. If not, you've lost... a really bad relationship?

You never fail to surprise me with your words of wisdom.
Is there a possibility that I become somewhat a little more personal with you. Like having your email or stuffs?

If nothing else worked out for me, I earned a friend?

[IndiReloaded]

Nah. Actually I am a little irritated and disappointed because this really isn't about religion and you know, when you try to tell people and they kept focusing on things they want to attack, you get even more agitated? Especially when you're in despair? It's like I just feel into a puddle of mud, and you were seeking for someone to help you out or tell you how to get out, but some passer by just drop by and say, hey you're one piece of dirty fellow. And when you explained you fell in accidentally, the continue to hum on the fact that mud on you = dirty, you get even more confused of why people just do not listen first. And I thought this was a relationship forum, they change my mind but you changed it back!

I must say, she had change some bad things about herself after many times of arguments. Perhaps that is the reason why I am staying back. I see changes, though little and slow, it is moving. Hence I have this trickle of hope to believe, hey...if I stay longer, something may happen.

Do you understand how it feels when you love someone and all you want is to be with them and see how you can make them happy? But sometimes they abuse you and you still make reasons for them saying that they need some time to change?

Honestly, as what I was educated. People tend to oversee verbal abuse. Because there isn't any bruises and not many talks about it.

If everyone here would be able to see the severity of verbal abuse as equal or worst than that of physical, they won't say what they'd say anymore.

Imagine the story is now replaced with this, " I told her I don't like to hear, she insist and provoke...and when I show face, she hits me with a baseball bat on my head "

Now that would be different. It's just sad that people aren't able to associate with what which is out of the box, but only see what has already been generally and widely defined.

Well, glad I could help. As for the forum in general, we run it on a roster of good cop/bad cop days. You got me on my good day.

Everyone here is saying the same thing, really. Just in different ways. I don't fundamentally disagree with Vash or Giga or MVP's points, but its hard when you are 'in the muck' to be objective about your own situation. Agreed.

Stick with the counselling. Think about the break as a last resort if all else fails. Really, you want to have a *good* relationship, right? So don't be afraid to lose what you never had. (how's that for a buddhist attitude, lol)

Sweet, I'm an old married lady. I don't give out my personal email. But you are welcome to post here anytime. Or PM when you have 15 posts.

Good luck.

[onemessedup]

Well, glad I could help. As for the forum in general, we run it on a roster of good cop/bad cop days. You got me on my good day.

Everyone here is saying the same thing, really. Just in different ways. I don't fundamentally disagree with Vash or Giga or MVP's points, but its hard when you are 'in the muck' to be objective about your own situation. Agreed.

Stick with the counselling. Think about the break as a last resort if all else fails. Really, you want to have a *good* relationship, right? So don't be afraid to lose what you never had. (how's that for a buddhist attitude, lol)

Sweet, I'm an old married lady. I don't give out my personal email. But you are welcome to post here anytime. Or PM when you have 15 posts.

Good luck.

LOL. I am not trying to flirt with you ( kidding ). But I am in desperate need to know people who understands, and you seemed to be like one. I think I have more than 15 posts already in this thread alone.

Your signature, that a guide to critical thinking? Are those your work?
I am a fan of Edward De Bono, also a fan of psychology. Was planning to pick it up later in my life when I have more time actually. But have been doing my self study in my college days. It just captured my interest to know how the mind of human actually works.

[onemessedup]

LOL! Thanks for popping up something that's a little bit not so tensed out of nowhere. That's cool.

[IndiReloaded]

LOL. I am not trying to flirt with you ( kidding ). But I am in desperate need to know people who understands, and you seemed to be like one. I think I have more than 15 posts already in this thread alone.

Your signature, that a guide to critical thinking? Are those your work?
I am a fan of Edward De Bono, also a fan of psychology. Was planning to pick it up later in my life when I have more time actually. But have been doing my self study in my college days. It just captured my interest to know how the mind of human actually works.

You are welcome to PM, but generally you will get more varied responses from the complete forum. There are loads of posters who haven't replied to your thread yet.

If the tone of this one is getting you down, just delete your first post and the thread will go away. Then you can start a new one (maybe avoiding the religion topic explicitly).

The critical thinking link is just something I think everyone should understand.

Have you read this thread? Loriloo went for a break and it seems to be helping get through to her partner:

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/ask-male-forum/34828-emotional-affair-what-does-mean-him.html[/url]

[onemessedup]

You are welcome to PM, but generally you will get more varied responses from the complete forum. There are loads of posters who haven't replied to your thread yet.

If the tone of this one is getting you down, just delete your first post and the thread will go away. Then you can start a new one (maybe avoiding the religion topic explicitly).

The critical thinking link is just something I think everyone should understand.

Have you read this thread? Loriloo went for a break and it seems to be helping get through to her partner:

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/ask-male-forum/34828-emotional-affair-what-does-mean-him.html[/url]

Looking at it. Yea sometimes a break helps you clear up. Thanks for the support. You were amazing!

[Gigabitch]

Did I stepped on your tail? I wasn't even in a conversation with you but you got to budge in like that and make accusations.

Actually, an open thread is a conversation with EVERYBODY. That's how this whole internet forum posting thing works.

And no, you didn't step on my tail. You stepped on my last nerve. I read through every post in this tiresome thread and nowhere did I see anyone deserving to be reported. How is this my business? It's my job around here. Those reports get sent to my email inbox and then I read through it all to make sure nobody's being abused too terribly, and you know what? You weren't.

It's like calling the police because you think your neighbor's mailbox is tacky.

All I see is a bunch of people trying to help you and you being really combative with them. I'm glad to see you finally had the good manners to say thank you to Indi and MV Playa since they've spent LOTS of time and energy trying to help you.

Do not report any more posters because you don't like their signatures or their language. If you don't want to see that kind of thing, don't look.

[chump4u]

Actually, an open thread is a conversation with EVERYBODY. Actually, in this case, there wasn't much "conversation" going on for the first dozen or so posts. Much of it was two or three posters ranting against the OP for his disgusting bigotry.

I read through every post in this tiresome thread and nowhere did I see anyone deserving to be reported. Funny, I read through every post in this thread and found several that seemed to violate the Prime Directive:

"...calling someone a fool for their beliefs will not be tolerated, and will likely be faced with thread deletion and possible ban."

But of course that's just my opinion. Evidently, derailing the guy's thread and sidetracking his question in order to call him a religious bigot, to label his religious preference as essentially hateful, and to rant that his co-religionists are a bunch of bigoted ranters is tolerated. Who knew?

Those reports get sent to my email inbox and then I read through it all to make sure nobody's being abused too terribly, and you know what? You weren't.Yes, he was, for a while.

It's like calling the police because you think your neighbor's mailbox is tacky. More like calling the police because your neighbor is stuffing rattlesnakes into your mailbox.

Anyway, glad I didn't report this crap myself, as I thought about doing before the OP did it for me. Would've got myself on the list for the next Purge, no doubt.

I suppose it turned out all right in the end. When the bigot-hunters found fresh air about page 3, they actually came up with some good pointers-- though the poor OP had to work awfully hard for what he got.

And, "onemessedup," I'm happy that you did finally pull some good out of the dungheap. Keep in touch with this forum as you get on with your relationship (or as you get out of it, which might be best); there is a lot of good and reason and empathy and decency here, if you look hard enough for it. But ignore Indie's advice about keeping religion out of your posts. You can simply adjust your story a bit next time: come on here as the poor Buddhist being proselytized by the Evil Christians, and you'll have 'em by the short hairs.

[Gigabitch]

Nobody called him a fool for his beliefs, chump. They called him a fool for acting like a big baby when other people told him about THEIR beliefs.