Limerence: Thoughts & Experiences

[Severed_Heart]

Id be interested in what some of the vets on the forum think about this concept, since I did a search and didn't turn up much of anything useful.

Has anyone ever experienced this? If so do you feel that Limerence is real or that it was merely infatuation. Do you believe Limerence stems from a social disorder of sorts, such as being shy or insecure, or that as some say it represents a higher form of complex social interaction?

If you don't know what it is at least look up the Wiki article on Limerence before replying.

It's essentially an undesired, uncontrollable attraction to someone, often in a way that is very inconveniencing.

Its defining characteristics are that neither a long term relationship nor sex itself is the initial goal, though sex is often part of it. Rather the goal is the attainment of a specific scenario where the sought after partner reciprocates the desired level of affection and intimacy in the context of a specific ideal that the sought after person embodies. A Limerent relationship as it were may go on for weeks or months with no intimate contact at all, and with both parties engaging in what for lack of a better term is a sort of game.

Its second characteristic is that a person becomes in some cases is overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings regarding how to attain this ideal to the point that its invasive.

Open declaration of feelings are often regarded as not an option since that may destroy the possibility of attaining the perceived ideal, unless the open declaration comes at a point which leads to a high probability of attaining ones goal.

Furthermore outright seduction tends to devalue the sought after person both in the act and in retrospect, since full reciprocation of the desired intimacy and affection is the goal.

[Gigabitch]

Sure I have. I was involved in a relationship fraught with limerence that ended very, very badly. I got my heart broken. Gunshy ever since.

[FullofSighs]

I have as well, and i do believe its real.

[IndiReloaded]

The label 'Limerance' is just a new way to make money off of a well-understood subject.

Personally, I think its all chemical. Some people get more addicted to 'love' more readily than others and it makes them crazy. Especially if its unrequited (or requited-denied), this shit can go on for ages.

If I could tell the young people here one thing about their Great Love/The One/Soul Mate, etc it would be this:

This too shall pass.

To be clear, I don't mean that in a cynical way in the slightest. Love is wonderful, but its just a part of what life has to offer and the 'love' you feel today will feel different in a month/year/decade. Keep it in perspective.

[jenniferx]

Hmmm, I've experienced this! I think everyone has at one point in their life. I think in a way its falling in love with the idea of another person rather than the person themselves. Or falling in love with the concept of love. Because it isn't necessarily physical and i think once the other person is more attainable or stops playing the game, the infatuation will cease to exist. Kind of reminds me of Gatsby from The Great Gatsby.

Specifically, i had this with an ex of mine. Once I actually dated him, it went away! But before we dated, i was smitten=p over him for about a year. It was like i didnt have to talk to him but him being around me just made the moment amazing. And everything he did was perfect. If he sat next to me I was like HE LOVES ME! or if he was talking to some other girl id be like MY LIFE IS OVER. But then once we dated it was boring and i realized there was not much ground for my infatuation. without the games, i found he wasnt the same person id thought id been idolizing over

[Mish]

It's essentially an undesired, uncontrollable attraction to someone, often in a way that is very inconveniencing.

Its defining characteristics are that neither a long term relationship nor sex itself is the initial goal, though sex is often part of it. Rather the goal is the attainment of a specific scenario where the sought after partner reciprocates the desired level of affection and intimacy in the context of a specific ideal that the sought after person embodies.

I think it's only undesired when it's not reciprocated. When it is reciprocated then the relationship is re-calibrated into a new level of closeness. Imo, it's about trust building. Deep levels of trust and certainty in a close relationship are very important.

[flea]

I had a case of limerence at first sight! funny thing was, she was 11, and I was 12 at the time. I shit you not, I was mad for this girl, and the best part was that we used to only see each other on a weekly basis (gave me something to look forward to!) and over time (4-5 years) became the best of friends.

unfortunately, due to life and other crap, we kind of lost contact over the years, but I will NEVER forget her.

[IncognitoSir]

The label 'Limerance' is just a new way to make money off of a well-understood subject.

Personally, I think its all chemical. Some people get more addicted to 'love' more readily than others and it makes them crazy. Especially if its unrequited (or requited-denied), this shit can go on for ages.

If I could tell the young people here one thing about their Great Love/The One/Soul Mate, etc it would be this:

This too shall pass.

To be clear, I don't mean that in a cynical way in the slightest. Love is wonderful, but its just a part of what life has to offer and the 'love' you feel today will feel different in a month/year/decade. Keep it in perspective.

I do believe that this post has a lot to offer everyone on this site. I've NEVER been able to put love in perspective. Maybe because this is my first love relationship, I dunno, but its really overwhelming my life right now. "this to shall pass" sums it up so superbly. I've let my love for another consume everything about me, the truth is, there is a lot more to everyone than the love in your life. This is a great post!