You're confusing respect with affinity. They're not the same thing... far from it. Liking someone can be given freely for any reason, rational or not. Respect is always earned through proving yourself to someone based on their terms. Self-respect is earned through proving yourself based on your own terms. You can hate someone but still respect them.
Nobody will give you an ounce of respect without you meeting some sort of standard. There is no 'benefit of the doubt' when it comes to respect... and it cannot be given as easily as liking someone.
So if you want respect from a partner... you have to earn it -- it's the only way.