Don't know if I'll change my mind on marriage.

[misombra]

ehhhhhhhhh i wouldn't do that if i were you. my father was in the same situation and thought he would give in to my mother. had two kids, my sister and i, and left because why? he didn't want to be married. she needs to either accept that or leave for somebody who wants that, like indi said.

[vashti]

Again I say: you are too young to be entertaining thoughts of marriage.

[doppelgaenger]

Again I say: you are too young to be entertaining thoughts of marriage.

Wahahahahahaha

[Junket]

She doesn't want to get married right now, or even in the next few years.

She keeps asking me if I would ever be interested in getting married to anyone at any point in my life.

And my answer to that is no.

Doesn't mean I want to be alone the rest of my life, I just see marriage as a joke. At the least, a means for a larger tax return.

After talking to my brother (an atheist), it turns out the biggest reason why he got married to his wife is that he would receive from the army, an extra 1500 dollars a month, and his now wife didn't like her last name because she didn't want to be reminded of her father, who she wasn't fond of.

[misombra]

i'm so looking forward to decreased taxation as a single mother.

[Mish]

I still believe that marriage is more than just a piece of paper and a tax break. From personal stand point it's a demonstration that you are serious about being with the person you are with, you've made your choice and this is the person you are comfortable enough to start a family with. You don't need it, but the seriousness factor will always be lacking without marriage especially for couples over 40. I can say this because I know a couple of them, the attitude is more on the casual side. And in relationships, the attitude is everything.

[misombra]

in relationships, the attitude is everything.

lol. did you get that from one of those jehovahs' witness magazines? you've obviously never been in a long term relationship.

[IndiReloaded]

What do I keep saying:

Don't get married. Find a girl you hate and buy her a house. Same thing.

Its a lifestyle choice, Fras. The social pressure for marriage simply don't exist in our society anymore. So, you need to decide for yourself what are the reason(s) for being married.

If its just to make your partner happy, IMO, that's a bad reason & you are halfway to divorce before you start.

I think I gave you this before, but did you read it? Here it is again. Pay special attention to #7:

[url]http://ezinearticles.com/?How-Do-You-Know-When-Its-Time-To-Get-Married?&id=299653[/url]

[Aeradalia]

From personal stand point it's a demonstration that you are serious about being with the person you are with, you've made your choice and this is the person you are comfortable enough to start a family with.

How serious could you possibly be in having to have it set up legally to where it's difficult for either party involved to leave? That doesn't sound like trust... it sounds more like a manifestation of an insecurity.

If I agree to forsake all others and be tied to only one person, then that's what I'll do. I don't need a contract that holds me in place with the added consequence of divorce.

Families are started and broken up with or without marriages. It's of little consequence to the security of a child other than providing some additional monies (that may or may not be used for the child's benefit).

Marriage is just an illusion for the insecure and a contractual agreement for those who want/need the financial benefit for their children.

[DoesntMatter]

I thought gay marriage was illegal in Louisiana

[IndiReloaded]

A contractual agreement for those who want/need the financial benefit for their children.

Ya, duh! Security for a family is very important and marriage is one way to insure this.

[Aeradalia]

Ya, duh! Security for a family is very important and marriage is one way to insure this.

Hehe... guess more people will listen if it comes from a youngin' like me..


However, marriage doesn't provide security beyond financially... the rest is up to those involved. Also by its nature... marriage doesn't make dissolution of the relationship easy and can make enemies out of two people who really should've never gotten married or started a family in the first place -- they either weren't ready or weren't as compatible as they thought.

You can't have a trusting/loving relationship in an arrangement like a marriage... because the concept of needing a contractual agreement undermines the supposed trust both parties should be feeling for each other.

I'd say remove marriage completely and replace it with a legal way for both parents to provide for their children without having to force both parents to be bound to one another.

[Mish]

Marriage is just an illusion for the insecure and a contractual agreement for those who want/need the financial benefit for their children.

I politely disagree.

I have seen the gravity of the vows and their affect on people's attitude to their partner and their children. It is in sharp contrast to unmarried couples especially the ones over 40.

[IndiReloaded]

Its not just financial, Dalia. Even in troubled marriages, most children enjoy the stability of having two parents and would choose this over divorce, even to extreme situations.

I think people underestimate the trauma that comes from only living with one parent where there was once two. Huge insecurities. My son in his funny moments has said that 'oh well, if something happens to one of you, I've still got the other plus X, Y, Z relatives...'

Clearly, he thinks about it, sometimes. Kids do, its natural.

[Aeradalia]

I politely disagree.

I have seen the gravity of the vows and their affect on people's attitude to their partner and their children. It is in sharp contrast to unmarried couples especially the ones over 40.

Give marriage a try sometime. Everyone outside looking in will change their attitude towards the couple, but the two individuals involved remain the same... and so do the fundamental problems they had before.

Couples over 40 are not changed by the marriage... they're changed by life in general. If they aren't married in their 40's then it's because they choose not to be (on some level) and they are following such a philosophy. If they are married, then chances are it's a marriage that has accrued quite a few years and they are settling to a point of familiarity or apathy (depending on those involved).

What exactly do you believe you are seeing when you look upon these 40+ couples? How much is really there and how much is being mixed with your hopeful ideals?