What makes women....

[Sanctuary]

How about that guys? how does that work> so you're okay she has a child, but would you be okay with her keeping you away from her child?

For dating it'd be fine.

But if things got serious I'd have to say that I'd wanna meet the child. We're supposed to be together right? A team? If I'm gonna be a part of your life, then I wouldn't wanna miss out on an aspect of it that makes you so happy.

Except that's where the problems begin cuz if problems arose with your kid, I'd feel compelled to help out even if it's not my responsibility. And if we got really serious or something how am I supposed to act towards your kid? I'd def feel weird about ever disciplining him/her.

Though I don't seem qualified to answer this cuz I'm young too.

[qwertz]

yeah thats way too young to be running around with a woman with a child/ren, thats and I'm pretty sure the majority of sensible single mothers wouldn't date as young either....so no shock or loss there I'm afraid baz.

anyway.....my point was....I'm not looking for a father figure for my son, he has a dad, and his dad is doing just fine.

Is it strange for me to want to meet a guy, who will have nothing to do with my child? what I mean is, I would only introduce the guy to my boy, only if I thought it was a serious long-term relationship, and that perhaps we were heading for other commitments. (marriage?)


How about that guys? how does that work> so you're okay she has a child, but would you be okay with her keeping you away from her child?

Totally agree with this, i have a son and the only guy i would introduce to him is one that i thought was becoming serious and going places.
This wouldnt be fair on him (especially as he has a disability).
But i would also never look for a father figure for him as he has a perfectly good one.
That said though that i wouldnt date anyone my own age anymore..maybe that is to do with having my son or me being more mature than most people my age here where i live(think both go hand in hand)
Im 22 and typical guys my age are just dicks. (where i live anyway)

[Bumble_bee]

For dating it'd be fine.

But if things got serious I'd have to say that I'd wanna meet the child. We're supposed to be together right? A team? If I'm gonna be a part of your life, then I wouldn't wanna miss out on an aspect of it that makes you so happy.

Except that's where the problems begin cuz if problems arose with your kid, I'd feel compelled to help out even if it's not my responsibility. And if we got really serious or something how am I supposed to act towards your kid? I'd def feel weird about ever disciplining him/her.


Though I don't seem qualified to answer this cuz I'm young too.

if it progressed into a serious/LT relationship, then sure I would introduce him into my son's life.
however they would have to deal with my ex. He is very much a big part of my son's life, and he is a fantastic father.... this surely would present a difficult situation for a guy to handle?

[IndiReloaded]

if it progressed into a serious/LT relationship, then sure I would introduce him into my son's life.
however they would have to deal with my ex. He is very much a big part of my son's life, and he is a fantastic father.... this surely would present a difficult situation for a guy to handle?

Unless marriage or at least living together is on the horizon, no way any BF is meeting my son.

[CocoChanel]

Exactly. If it isn't long term it's not worth it and shouldn't be done. He would have to put a ring on it for him to meet my god daughter.

[Primo]

they would have to deal with my ex...this surely would present a difficult situation for a guy to handle?

Why would it? I think you're thinking too much BB...not that that's a bad thing

[Bumble_bee]

Why would it? I think you're thinking too much BB...not that that's a bad thing

Primo, you're just one of a kind

look I know, you're right im going way in front of myself (for chirst sakes my OP was about getting off the starting block)

but because I have a child this is very real to me, I think, ok well what if I do meet a guy, we make it to the wanting the serious relationship status, I introduce him to my son, and then dammit he has a problem that his dad is there at every Birthday, Chhristmas,happy/sad event (of my son's) because thats the kind of father he is....now, for me its a catch 22...because hell no would I trade him for any other guy in that respect....he truly is a great dad, but on the other hand I see it as being unintentionally intrusive on any relationship that I may have which then got to the meeting my son stage....so yes I'm over thinking,and I know it's a case of ''cross that bridge when you come to it''....

I really do think that a guy who loved me and accepted I have a child, would naturally want to deal with the situation as best he can, but I do not believe it wouldn't effect him in some way, or at least have some kind of impact on the relationship.

[Primo]

BB, I don't know how to convince you, but it really will never be a big deal with the right guy, trust me on this. I guess it's a guy's pov you need here.

Put it this way, if there would be a problem to develop, then either your ex or the new man in your life is an a-hole...and that's a part of them you didn't know previously. If your ex is a good guy and your new guy is a good guy, there would never be a problem, I've been there


Usually the nervousness is the dad who feels he's going to get replaced...when the new guy conveys to him that nothing could be further from the truth, then usually a good relationship forms with all involved.


You're not the first one to say that about me btw

[Bumble_bee]

^^ and forever the optimist

...I'm still not convinced, but thank you always Primo

[Primo]

^^ and forever the optimist

...I'm still not convinced, but thank you always Primo

You're a mom, you're suppose to over-think all those things

You may want to reprioritize your 'what you look for in a guy' list though. It'll be much easier for someone who's a dad to understand all the nuances of raising little ones. I'd bump that quality up a few notches.

[elle]

I saw my name here, what's up?

[Primo]

I saw my name here, what's up?

Settle down Elle, we'll come get 'ya when we want 'ya

[vashti]

BB, I don't know how to convince you, but it really will never be a big deal with the right guy, trust me on this.

You're out of your mind. Adorable, but out of your mind.

[Primo]

You're out of your mind. Adorable, but out of your mind.

Vashti, I know there's a sh*tload of bad examples out there. I've dated a few single moms, a couple of the dads were deadbeats so it wasn't an issue, in one instance the guy was very involved.

It was never an issue. His kids adored me like an older brother or fun uncle and I cared for, protected and provided for them. I even got a father's day card from one of the two boys and it said he loved me like a stepfather even though his mom and I weren't married

He just wanted to know that I wasn't there to be Superdad, heck he was a baker and even used to bring me fresh bread all the time

[IndiReloaded]

Older kids are different, Primo. Young ones don't know how to metre their attachment. You are being irresponsible to get too close to a young child if you aren't intending to stay in their lives. Its the mother's responsibility ultimately, but that doesn't absolve you of social responsibility, IMO.

How many of those kids of single moms you are no longer dating do you still contact and call you Uncle?