Note: I am not looking for professional help, just getting this off my chest.
So I'm so emotionally and physically drained from my job, and I actually feel trapped.
It's like once I don't kiss their ass and do everything they think I should do, I'm the wrong one.
I've been having suicidal thoughts lately. I know I'd never do that to my kids, but how often it's on my mind scares me.
But I don't want to tell that to my doctor. She might think about taking my kids away, which would definitely send me crazy. I'm just seriously tired all the time and no one takes me seriously.
I plan to go to my doctor tomorrow and see if she will let me go on bedrest from now, but I highly doubt it. I went to her in the past about vaginal bleeding when I stand too long and requested to get bedrest because my job is standing up for 8 hours and she told me that was not serious enough for bed rest. Wtf?! Do I have to be dying in order to get bed rest? My ****ing vagina was bleeding from stress on my body and that wasn't enough for them to let me rest my body while still having a job.
It's so ****ing ridiculous how my job operates(which I know is most likely every job). They don't give two shits about whether or not their employees are feeling well. I could be on my ****in deathbed and they will probably want me to wheel in on the bed and do their work. They seriously dont care.
I've reached the point where I can not work for 8 hours. I feel like passing out at the 4 hour mark, so imagine a full day. The stress is making me want to quit so badly but if I quit I will be so mad since I have a week and change left. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place with their shit. I'm seriously confused about what I should do about this.
I think if I tell my doctor about my suicidal thoughts, I might lose my kids.
Should I tell her this? Any suggestions? What would you do if you were in my position? I am seriously going off the deep end at this point.