Facebook Jitters

[CAM]

So, its Saturday morning. Work is put aside and on mental vacation for the moment. Ah, let's check our email....an invitation to join Facebook (note: already a member) from....the woman with whom I fell madly in love with seven years ago. I haven't seen what she looks like since I last spoke to her at the airport in Europe when I went to visit her. She turned out nicely. Lightened her hair a bit, which looks stupid, but otherwise...pretty much as I remembered her.

I messaged through Facebook. Why would she do this to me? Doesn't just "stir the pot"? Isn't it better to leave me alone and let me forget as much as I can forget (which isn't very much). My heart recovered a bit, to the extend that I accepted that it would never happen. I won't allow the pain to return, but she should have left me alone, wouldn't you agree?

The odd thing is that I'm teetering on the edge of the same mood I was in BEFORE I met her. Namely, a nihilistic mood of "let's return to youthful abandon" in the dating scene. Like I've said, there are many out there that want a piece of me. I've resisted doing that, reverting, because I still hear HER words of disappointment to me when she found out that I had played in my youth.

So, maybe its a sign from Above, so to speak? Maybe its a gentle reminder that I'm doing the right thing by not reverting to the old ways?

Still, in a way, I wish that she hadn't opened old wounds for me. I had forgotten so much of what was in my heart and now I'm reminded again.

[Gribble]

Maybe people think too much and make what should be a mundane existence into something needlessly more complicated. She sent you a Facebook invite. Accept or decline. Forget or remember. Don't drive yourself batty scrutinizing it like some high school kid after his first breakup.

[CAM]

True in many ways. I am not really not over-analyzing--it was just a completely thoughtless act on her part. Just as thoughtless as the time she invited me to her wedding.

It actually makes it easier to get over her because her actions are thoughtless and unfeeling.

Sometimes, people don't get over pain but they can move on...she should just let people move on; unless, of course, she gets a sick ego boost from knowing that she can still stick a needle in the emotional wounds of another.

It wasn't a high school thing...it was in adulthood and we knew each other for over a year, so the emotions were not some transitory thing and were adult emotions, not child emotions.

[CAM]

PS I didn't go to the wedding. Even though I was staying at a professional conference a hotel quarter of a mile from the wedding (and she knew that), I told her "no thanks." So, wouldn't that kind of say to her, "Leave me alone" ??

[Mish]

I guess some experiences are more painful than others. She probably doesn't know what kind of pain this puts you in.

[IndiReloaded]

Cam, you are old enough to know you have to do what is right for YOU for your reasons.

This woman moved on, made a life of her own. Without you. Sorry sweet, I know I'm being harsh, but its the truth you need to hear.

In a perfect world, this woman would realize how much you still care (buried, but obviously not dead) and leave you alone. Perhaps she is selfish and seeking attention. Perhaps she remembers you as a good friend and person and figures by now those feelings would be past and gone.

But, what is important is how YOU feel. If you are still in love after all this time, then you already know what to do: don't answer her. Put her on ignore (does facebook have this?). Do whatever you must to protect yourself.

Just make sure, before you do that, that she isn't single. Mbe her husband passed or she divorced and wants to reconcile with you. Long shot, but stranger things have happened.

If not tho, you need to protect yourself. You are a gruff, tuff, cold-prickly to protect that very gooey, warm-fuzzy. Its a good defense mechanism provided you don't let it become who you really are.

Don't take her to task for simply contacting you tho. That is very poorly done. Ultimately, your depth of feeling is a *you* problem. She is not responsible for your feelings.

[CAM]

Thanks, Indi. Good points, particularly about me being "gruff, tuff, cold-prickly..." Over the years, I've pushed away several women in that way. When I like them the most it is then that I become very cold-prickly.

Yes, it is "my issue," very true. Probably better to just be polite, let her make her "connection" with the past and then drop off again. I very much doubt she's looking to reconnect much beyond "xerete, pos iste?" She's too much "in control" of her life to allow for second thoughts on anything for any reason. And, I'm too stubborn to allow someone into my heart again. The only person that gets into my heart is someone who either snuck in or fought their way there.

[pdubu]

Take her in as a friend ? I'm still too young for this. Haha. x-x