Thanksgiving evening, any slim hopes I had of ever reconciling with the love of my life was destroyed. Entirely by me. I initiated what turned into an hours long text message argument and, after me saying a bunch of angry and nasty things in response to her repeated refusals to give even an inch of consideration to me for fixing the marriage, she ended it by telling me to NEVER contact her again. No texts, no IMs, no phone calls, she would not respond.
She had never said that before. For the past month I had been trying to talk to her, to reason with her, to appeal to her compassion and fix our young, four month old marriage, but for the whole month since the day she left (according to her, she was kicked out...) she has repeatedly said, "It's over, we're done, there's no going back."
But she hasn't even actually given the possibility any thought. She came to her conclusion and now, no matter what I say, she is sticking to it without a single ounce of compassion, consideration or understanding for me. I screwed some things up. I said some bad things. But I never hit her. I never cheated on her. I never, in any way, shape or form, abused her. I loved her with all my heart but I wasn't showing it in a way that she expected me to show it. And for that, she left me and refuses to reconcile.
"You never loved me," she says. "If your love was real, you wouldn't have made the mistakes you did."
WTF? I was addicted to online video games. I accused her of cheating after watching her pull away for weeks, wanting no intimacy, acting shady and clearly doing everything in her power to avoid me. In the heat of the moment as she was moving out I asked for the engagement ring back because it was an old family heirloom and according to her, that was me deliberately and consciously kicking her out of my life.
"That is the ring we started our life together," she says. "You kicked me out, you didn't want me there by asking for that back."
I didn't ask for the wedding ring back. I asked for a 70 year old ring back that served only as a placeholder for the wedding ring. And when I try to explain everything I saw that led me to suspect she was cheating, none of it makes sense to her. She just acts insulted that I would have even thought of it in spite of the fact she spent numerous nights out late with little explanation, sometimes whole weekends out, stopped having sex, stopped touching me altogether, had numerous private text and IM conversations that I wasn't allowed to see....but I'm the one who was wrong for suspecting she might be cheating.
And any hope I had of getting her back, on Thursday night, was wholly destroyed by me. This woman I love with all my heart and would sever my own arms and legs just to get back, is gone and even more so adamantly refuses to come back now. She hasn't answered a single text or IM since her declaration for me to leave her alone forever.
I am even more heart broken than before. She was my everything. My life was set in stone with her. We were going to have children together. We were on the way to building a whole life together. But in a few short weeks, for things I personally don't feel were so bad, she left. She fell out of love. She feels nothing more than friendship for me (or at least did, probably now feels even less). WE JUST GOT MARRIED! WTF!? How could this happen???
Why did this happen??? What the Hell did I do to deserve this???