Why do you girls downgrade?

[lilly1185]

Everytime you break up with someone, and find someone new, it's sorta like replacing old habits with new habits.

You're just trading criteria.

[Sanctuary]

well, confidence is very attractive, so he would end up being 'hot' in my eyes. So... either way, upgrading or downgrading is all relative. It just depends on what you define as being optimal criteria in a partner.

Oh come on, all other things being equal (not that this ever works in the real world), you'd choose tall and handsome over short and fat anyday.

If anything, at least think of how pretty the kids would be!

[lilly1185]

I dunno, somewhere in that tall and handsome line might be "women with mustaches". That wouldn't be a very pretty child.

[lahnnabell]

Some people may interpret my dating history as a continual upgrade/downgrade situation. Like others have stated, it depends on how you see it. Personally, I feel as though I've continued upgrading, but the criteria is mostly not public knowledge. For example...

I dated a guy for 4 years through part of high school and college. We were together on and off, supposedly in love, but there were always constant rumors of how he'd cheated on me. Combined with his constantly fluctuating feelings for me I eventually had it and broke it off after which he was quite upset and accused me of cheating on him which I had never done.

I left him for a guy I went to college with as we'd quickly developed feelings for one another. Things were awesome at first and I thought I'd found a real winner until a few months in his insecurities came spilling out and he became emotionally and verbally abusive toward me. People knew we had the same major, interests, musical tastes, but they didn't know how much he hurt me behind closed doors (and sometimes publicly). We spent two years working on our relationship before I couldn't take it anymore.

That's a small sample of how I view the upgrade/downgrade process. It's not always very obvious and no one should make assumptions about another person's situation.

[Graham Berkeley]

Everyone's views on the subject are interesting. I realized I wasn't clear on what I meant by downgrading or upgrading. I don't believe a "grade" comes just from looks or money alone but apparently most people on here believe thats what I meant or themselves believe that is a way of grading someone. When I said upgrading/downgrading I mean the entire package as a whole which would include looks and money but personality, occupation and the nature of what it is and how it effects people, capability of effecting other peoples life (both good and bad) and ability to achieve goals as well as pure intent in life.

There is a complete different value to someone who HAS to work at a grocery store because they are totally incapable of doing anything else and a person who CHOOSES to work there for a short amount of time while they achieve a greater goal.

A person who lives at home, has a Mc.Job and plays D&D is still a piece of the "machine" and there for carries a certain amount of value however they are totally replaceable and totally BELOW a person actively working on a cure for cancer... writing a book in hope of changing the readers life for good or even preaching forward thinking values in a public way because they are LESS replaceable as the very essence of what they were doing would change if they were removed.

This is what I mean by Grades. The Grade is the amalgamation of every aspect of that person in a unified way. We actively choose our grade by the way we control, maintain and express those individual qualities that make up the matrix of self. This matrix carries enough bandwidth to compensate for a genetic predisposition in one or more areas like a Mental or Physical "handicap". Every life is innately valuable and I would NEVER preach discrimination toward ANYONE for something they cannot change but rather I discriminate aspects of people they can change but choose not to.

That is what I meant by upgrading or downgrading. I don't understand why any woman, for reasons other than selfishness, would move DOWN ladder...

[Moe]

I think I can answer this oh well maybe, I can say all my Ex.'s long termers downgraded some even saying so.
My latest Ex. had everything, I took care of her, cooked, took care of her kids and so on. She would every few months say you do so much for me how can I repay you and I would say just love me. After the break up she said some pretty strange things about her self esteem and such.
Well she now is trying to support a crack head, lost a good paying job and is about to crash. She has even said that no one ever loved her or took care of her like I did.
She was crying that she's a fixer yet has admitted she's never fixed anyone.

It's easy to be with someone who has no expectations of them. Just don'r give a Sh*t.

[Sanctuary]

When I said upgrading/downgrading I mean the entire package as a whole which would include looks and money but personality, occupation and the nature of what it is and how it effects people, capability of effecting other peoples life (both good and bad) and ability to achieve goals as well as pure intent in life.

Yea I agree. That's essentially the same grading criteria I gave except you threw a moral spin on the job part and instead of saying ambition, you gave a description of it lol.

There is a complete different value to someone who HAS to work at a grocery store because they are totally incapable of doing anything else and a person who CHOOSES to work there for a short amount of time while they achieve a greater goal.

This is where we differ. You don't sound like you're talking about attraction anymore unless this has something to do with ambition. But it sounds like you're more concerned with an individual's value to society.

I would NEVER preach discrimination toward ANYONE for something they cannot change but rather I discriminate aspects of people they can change but choose not to.

This to me sounds like a huge contradiction. I don't believe people choose anything. It is what it is. Those people that are more willing to change do so because they are more confident or more ambitious or smarter or possess some other personality trait. Those that don't change don't possess those qualities. I don't think you can blame someone for something they don't have.

What I'm saying is you can't blame someone for not wanting to change even if they are a complete loser. You may think it's terrible and wrong but what I mean is that you can't necessarily say it's their fault. Sure, if you were them and you retained your current mindset and personality you would definitely change. And if I was working at McD and played D&D all day, hell yea I'd realize how useless all that is and work to make myself more upwardly mobile. But to think lesser about someone else (or whatever you mean by discriminate) because you think they should change when you're viewing it from your own personal vantage point of 'what you would do if you were them' is short sighted.

I also think that more than anything, the difference in beliefs that you and I have, Graham, lie in what we believe about the nature of human free will.

[don'tcry]

My ex is making mega bucks now, over $250,000 a year. that number says hes smart, motivated, and maybe lucky.
I swear either I am gonna make more or I'll be with one that rich.
love is nothing, just throw it out of the window, youre so much better ooooooffffff.
I dont downgrade... my BF has to be rich............ .

throw me the bricks..

In high school I remember girls breaking up with guys to "upgrade" to a better looking, more in shape and more dominant male, who often had more money, but these days it seems to be the opposite.

Both of my long term EX GFs, as well as a small army of EX GFs of my close male friends, have totally downgraded and have hooked up with less good looking, less motivated, less capable guys. In a few cases shockingly so like WTF?

This happened with a close female friend of mine earlier this year. She left her boyfriend sighting reasons that he wasn't motivated enough, I guess he is a carrier college person and hooked up with an overweight nerdy boy who plays dungeons and dragons who lives at home and works at a store in the mall...

WHY do girls downgrade?

The only commonality I've witnessed is that the guys they go for are total push overs while the Ex's they broke up with are not.

[Graham Berkeley]

My ex is making mega bucks now, over $250,000 a year. that number says hes smart, motivated, and maybe lucky.
I swear either I am gonna make more or I'll be with one that rich.
love is nothing, just throw it out of the window, youre so much better ooooooffffff.
I dont downgrade... my BF has to be rich............ .

throw me the bricks..

I wish more women of your kind were as honest. In fact could you get a T-shirt printed with your post? Makes you easier to avoid... Or to be manipulated by guys who make that much and just want to use that fact to get laid.

[don'tcry]

Dont get hurt that easily. I am looking to make that number happen in less than 10 years for myself. it sounds like a long time, but its not... think about my percieved middle life crisis will be soothed by money is very comforting, you all know how getting close to 40 can be... hard.......
just a joke...................

I wish more women of your kind were as honest. In fact could you get a T-shirt printed with your post? Makes you easier to avoid... Or to be manipulated by guys who make that much and just want to use that fact to get laid.

[lilly1185]

My ex is making mega bucks now, over $250,000 a year. that number says hes smart, motivated, and maybe lucky.
I swear either I am gonna make more or I'll be with one that rich.
love is nothing, just throw it out of the window, youre so much better ooooooffffff.
I dont downgrade... my BF has to be rich............ .

throw me the bricks..

I'm not fond of money. It makes people miserable, or greedy, or any number of undesirable things.

I'd like to be comfortable, but *I* am working on myself so I can be the one to financially support myself and my son. Even if I have to do it solo.

[don'tcry]

.................................................. ....

I'm not fond of money. It makes people miserable, or greedy, or any number of undesirable things.

I'd like to be comfortable, but *I* am working on myself so I can be the one to financially support myself and my son. Even if I have to do it solo.

[don'tcry]

.................................................. ............................

[BoredGeorge]

Please downgrade yourself to me.

[BoredGeorge]

Some people may interpret my dating history as a continual upgrade/downgrade situation. Like others have stated, it depends on how you see it. Personally, I feel as though I've continued upgrading, but the criteria is mostly not public knowledge. For example...

I dated a guy for 4 years through part of high school and college. We were together on and off, supposedly in love, but there were always constant rumors of how he'd cheated on me. Combined with his constantly fluctuating feelings for me I eventually had it and broke it off after which he was quite upset and accused me of cheating on him which I had never done.

I left him for a guy I went to college with as we'd quickly developed feelings for one another. Things were awesome at first and I thought I'd found a real winner until a few months in his insecurities came spilling out and he became emotionally and verbally abusive toward me. People knew we had the same major, interests, musical tastes, but they didn't know how much he hurt me behind closed doors (and sometimes publicly). We spent two years working on our relationship before I couldn't take it anymore.

That's a small sample of how I view the upgrade/downgrade process. It's not always very obvious and no one should make assumptions about another person's situation.

Naaahh that just a chick with too many options.. lol