Can this still be just a fling?

[Heratriumphant]

So I've been talking/flirting with this guy for a few weeks, we have very clear mutual interest.

I'll be blunt, I'm looking for a fling. Flirting, hot sex, minimal emotional entanglement. I've been very straightford about my intentions.

My concern is that Sexyguy keeps saying things like "I want to spend time with you...it isn't just about the sex" (we still haven't had sex BTW) or "you deserve someone better than me" ...things about what beautiful, caring soul I am.

Don't get me wrong, it's really sweet and the 2 hour conversations are fun, but I'm afraid that despite what he's said about agreeing to a no strings fling, that he's getting emotionally attatched.

This is my first attempt at a casual fling, and I've been out of the dating scene for a long time, so I'm just not sure what he's doing here.

I do like him as a human being and a potential friend. I'm enjoying getting to know him...

BUT, I'm getting worried that we're building too much emotional intimacy to have a casual fling.

If he really just wants a fling (like he's said) wouldn't he have shut up and put out by now?

In our social circle I have a rep of never having casual sex or doing the "hook up" ONS thing, so maybe he this he HAS to be like this despite my straight forward "hey let's have a hot little fling" statements?

What do you guys think?

[lahnnabell]

Sounds like he keeps trying to put off sex in the effort to get to know you and is hoping that his sweet talks will have you wanting more than just a fling. Only way to find out is to put him on the spot and ask him. Tell him that you get the feeling he wants more and provide the evidence you gave here.

[shheadz]

Sounds like you already know the answer to this one: He's looking for more than just a fling. His initial intentions may have been casual, but he's clearly developing more feelings for you. He'll continue to say he only wants a fling, because he knows that's what you want to hear, and that's what will keep you around. He may even be hoping that you'll eventually want something more too. So for now he's sticking out, and continuing the "fling game" with you.

[IndiReloaded]

If you only want a fling, then do what women wish men would do when the tables are turned: tell him you think he's a great guy, but you aren't ready for what he has to offer.

Then, find someone for hot sex w/o longterm entanglement issues. Being female, you won't lack for candidates.

[Primo]

I agree with Indi, he's already shown an emotional attachment, maybe you too? Don't kid yourself into thinking it's just a good, hard fu*k with this guy. If that's what you want, better find another one that's better suited to hittin' it and forgettin' it, in between.

[Sanctuary]

Just ask him what he's doing tonight and go over and start making out with him. What's the problem here?

Oh, and he's totally into you as more than a friend.

[Heratriumphant]

Damn it!

Yeah I was afraid of this.

The sexual chemistry between us is through the roof, I mean like I might still regret not nailing this guy when I'm a drooling old lady, through the roof.

I am starting to care about him and I don't want to hurt this guy, but in the long run our lifestyles just are not compatible.

Damn it, damn it, damn it!

[psu786]

If you are developing feelings for the guy, then f it see where it goes. Sometimes the people that seem the most incompatable actually work better then those that are. Also, like everyone else said, he wants more then a fling obviously and you are getting feelings involved now to. So you can A: ask him what he wants to do and tell him how u feel about the situation. B: Make a sexual advance at him and if he turns it down keep it moving. C: find someone else, amongst other things. FYI, most so called flings never last long, someone ALWAYS catchs feelings wether it be the guy or the girl. If I where you I'd just go to the club, everytime I go I'm lip locking and or going home with a female for one thing, because lets not bs, u go to the club to party and do something stupid with that hot chic(guys), or hot dude(girls). hope u figure things out

[starbuck]

I am starting to care about him and I don't want to hurt this guy, but in the long run our lifestyles just are not compatible.

May I ask why your lifestyles aren't compatible?

[psu786]

@ starbuck, I'd like to know the same

[Heratriumphant]

May I ask why your lifestyles aren't compatible?

I'm a bit more grown up and settled than he is (which seems like an ironic thing to say in a thread like this).

I may "go out" (clubbing, shows, parties) once a month or so, he's an every weekend guy.

Most importantly, I'm a mom. That makes me insanely picky about the men I persue real relationships with.

As for feelings, I'm not falling for this guy but he is becoming someone I'd like to really know and even be friends with for a good long time...which I'm guessing is just not going to happen either way now.

[Primo]

I'm not falling for this guy but he is becoming someone I'd like to really know and even be friends with for a good long time...

Too late, you're hooked...good luck with him !

[Nice Lover Boy]

Since I've been in a situation like this in my days.(YM and OW). I would hurry with what you want to accomplish. If you keep waiting, your just gonna have feelings for the dude and the dude is gonna have hard feelings for you.
That was my problem. I kept asking her to hang out cuz I wanted to see her. I actually wanted to take her out like a date(dinner, movie, and hold eachother at the beach).
But the more she kept delaying, the more I started to think about her. After a month, we had our first kiss and we went at it for 3 hrs(just kissing and holding).
Then I wanted to see her again and again. 2 months later we slept with eachother. From this point I told her that I loved her and THEN she tells me that this was all just a fling.
I was heart broken.
Hurry up and let the guy know if he understands that this is all a fling before he thinks its something more.

[JEBUSMADMAN]

He is afraid he will lose you if he is totally honest about his feelings for you so he is hiding them instead. Do him a favor before you hurt him, end this fling fest if you really don't want something serious, becuase it's obvious he is looking for something long term.

[Gigabitch]

You have to have a straight-up, heartfelt talk with him about exactly what you want and why. There's no reason not to have that hot sex with him as long as you do everything in your power to ensure that he doesn't get hurt.

Look at it this way- you might be planting a seed that will grow into something in five years, when he's more grown up.