Broke up with GF of 4 years

[Brokenheart89]

New to the forums and Need some advice.. My ex Girlfriend and I recently broke up we have been together for 4 years. I recently found out she "likes" another guy, so i confronted her about it and she does indeed "like" him but she says she Loves me so much, and wants to be with me forever. Now We toke a break for about a week but I had to end it because the pain was unbearable because she still talked to the guy.. I told her that I will wait for her to come back because i don't want us be without each other but I'd only take her back if she came back to me 100%.. During this time we hang out alot kiss, hug, hold hands, have sex, so basically it's like we are still together but "techincally" broken up.. I was going to propose to her on xmas eve, I bought the ring and everything. I love her so incredible much. And she tells me she will come back soon, she is just lost as a person and needs to clear her head. do you think she is sincere in this? or am i just being played? She keeps telling me how she wants us to get married start a family, etc. What do you think I should do. I'm hurting bad inside, and want her to come back to me so bad. She is telling me she really doesn't like him anymore but they still text and etc. TO my knowledge they haven't done anything together yet.

[Chazza2k]

I think you did the right thing cooling it, she is obviously having doubts about how she feels about you and needs time to sort herself out to see if she wants you or this other guy she has feelings for.

If your both planning on getting married and raising a family you need to be 100% sure thats what she wants aswell as you otherwise I think it wouldnt last long.Trust is essential and this confession Im sure damaged that no end. If she likes the other guy and is love with you then there shouldnt be a any problem, I know the question is just how much does she "likes" him? Does she want to settle down with you? Kids Etc? Have you been talking about this recently perhaps she not ready for that? Perhaps she been waiting for you to ask her to marry her? She could be sincere but Txting and talking to someone else who is more than a friend?? Actions speak louder than words.

Its hard to say by what you posted, I think you both need to talk honestly to each other about what she feels for you and give her some time to decide what she really wants to do. It doesn't feel right if you about to ask a girl to marry you if shes just told you she now likes someone else?

Thinking about it perhaps some time apart is a good thing? If shes really seriously in love with you as you are her she will come back to you if shes not then you know you were right to split up.

[Brokenheart89]

Hey thanks for the reply... WE talk about us alot.. We have been seriously considering getting engaged for over a year, everything was amazing with us until this recent thing... The thing is the guy was my friend, but she only started talking to him for about a month.. Idk she keeps telling me how she is going to come back to me, and how much she loves me and wants to start a family.. but she continues to talk to the guy. I have a constant fear she won't come back.. I honeslty spent every day with her for the past 4 years! Do you think it's likely that she is playing me, and i'm like a safety net ?

[Brokenheart89]

Also i read on here that No contact can be great or bad... In my situation do you think if i have NC with her she will come back to me? I seriously don't know how i could do it tho, like everyday i try not texting her but this urge comes over me to text and say "hows it going" and etc and that leads to more heart ache... AHHH

[Chazza2k]

Im not sure, but I sense that you feel shes taking you for granted that you will always be there. It also sounds like your much more concerned about losing her than she is you? I can see why your so concerned 4years is a long time and shes only just got to know this friend of yours! Its not good, she told you she likes him, loves you yet continually talks to him? You know shes interested in him and by the sounds of it him her aswell. Do you know if they are seeing each other, meeting up? maybe even together?

I think you got to play this one very carefully, push her too much to come back to you and you just push her further away but I know how it feels to feel like your not trying that you just giving up on her. Keep your disaplin dont go telling her you cant live without her or that you need her in your life, keep your pride, your doing fine so far unlike so many of us did here. You have told her how you feel, now I think you got to distance yourself, telling you shes going to comeback to you and staying away is just stringing you along. Whats she want? to do try it out with this guy then if it dont work go back to you? Tell her to make up her mind that its not fair on either of you to just drag this on, its going to be either you or this other guy. The only way she will stop taking you for granted is if she thinks she really in danger of losing you.

[lhn]

Non of this is out of the ordinary mate.
I feel for you cos it's just so tough to be away from your loved one. Hold off on the engagement, thats just too rash at the moment and wont be taken romantically if thats what you're hoping for.
The situation is made worse because you know/think someone else is on the scene... I'm not gunna lie, I was in the same situation and then they got together. I tried everything to get my ex back but nothing worked. I DID NOT do 'nocontact' at all and I lost her. Do the opposite imo, ask for some space and tell her u love her. Then leave it be for a while. See how things are when the dust settles for a week or 2.

Goodluck man.

[lhn]

Me & Chazza joined this site around the same time. He gives great advice so defo worth taking note of anything he suggests.

[Brokenheart89]

I think they saw each other once or twice since we brokeup.. She continues to tell me she loves me and etc.. So do you guys think the best approach is find a place to talk, and tell her I'm going to give her space but in honestly give myself space so i can try to get over her? Then do a compelte NC like ignore her text and etc.. then she will hopefully realize what she is missing? ALl this crap came out of the blue.. we were perfect.. I thing that confuses me the most is she tells me she will come back to me and we WILL get marrried. She also keeps telling me not to give up on us , etc etc. btw thanks for all the responses its good to talk to people who are going through this crap

[lhn]

I think you need to take a deep breath. Talk to her in person, look her in the eyes and tell her you love her. Then tell her that if she really wants this break then you wont stop her but that you need it to be a proper break. no contact. No half-measures.

She'll be back within a week!

[Brokenheart89]

Ok guys, I'm take your advice.. I'm going to see her now, I'm pretty sure this is going to be the most painful thing I ever did in my life. Should I delete her from facebook and etc as well? How should I tell her? What if she texts me? Should I ignore it? I can't believe 4 years has come down to this.

[Chazza2k]

Yeah the NC rule is a tough one here because its like your in a midbreak up she has half decided to leave you but not gone fully through with it. In some ways thats worse because you really don't know where you stand? Theres always a risk with NC. Psychology of NC is that she will start to miss what you both had when your not there constantly. Tell her you love her deeply and want to be with her but cannot go on like this then cut all ties. She got to want to come back to you.

When me and the Ex split, she met someone else I tried everything, Emails, txts, calls, meetings. The replies were cold and emotionless, (drove me a bit mad) I reminised, I tried harder, drove her further away!! she didnt care. I didnt do NC i kept texting, emailing until in the end she doesnt even reply to me now! What I did is heartbreak but you also lose half your pride and self respect in the effort and I have seen my Ex since and she looks at me with a kind of pitty now (yeah it was that bad). Save yourself from that. From experience Txting her and getting noreplies hurts like hell, delete her number, remove contacts anything to stop you going back to it!!

I would say go NC and keep to it, if she loves you like she says she will come back to you. If she doesnt then you know she doesnt love you and if you want to get married and have kids you really should know.

[Brokenheart89]

Ok, I'll tell her today, Should i tell her I love her and its just best for us not to talk until she is ready to come back to me if she wants too?

[Carmen]

Yes tell her to delete you from facebook and that you'll do the same for now. You need to do this

[Carmen]

I really think this will work in your situation if you do it right...she is just confused and she'll come back to you if she thinks you're moving on

[Brokenheart89]

I pray your right... How long should I wait to move on? sorry for all the questions.. I"m just really really confused and scared of losing her. I feel like this is a huge risk, but enivitible