Bad Idea?

[JohnDoe1435]

I'll try to keep this as brief as possible.

I dated a girl 2 years ago and it didn't work out because we were both not quite ready to settle down yet despite having strong feelings for eachother. It was mostly mutual but she is the one who initiated the breakup. We were amicable after, we talked on AIM and email for several months but eventually that stopped.

I saw her at the gym a couple weeks ago (she didn't see me) and I have been thinking about her ever since. Truth is, I missed her the past 2 years but stupid male pride prevented me from contacting her. We share a few mutual friends and I found out from one of them that as recently as 2 months ago she had said she missed me. I went ahead and sent her a really generic "hi, how are you" email through myspace about 2 weeks ago and it's been "unread", because she hasn't signed on in about a month. I know she is seeing someone but as far as I know it's not serious yet. I want to figure out my feelings before she gets serious with this other guy so time is of the essence. I'm not an idiot, I know this could be a pie in the sky type thing but life is short.

I know she has a facebook account as well that she signs into more often, should I email her on there too or should I just wait for the off-chance she signs into Myspace? Normally I would just call but I no longer have her number...I guess we go to the same gym because that's where I saw her a few weeks ago...Would it be better to try to catch her in person or send an email? I've never contacted an ex after this amount of time has passed so I'm not sure what to even say...Any advice would be appreciated, I'm trying not to mess this up again!

[Peter Pry]

You're suffering from the "good old days" syndrome. According to you, you didn't want her when you had her, but now that you're apart you're remembering all the good things. But you're forgetting the bad things, whatever they were, and the reason for your break-up. If you were to get her back, you'd just break up again.

[nickyQ]

I think you should first ask yourself,are you truely miss her or like her,or just be unserious,if so ,contact her

[JohnDoe1435]

I should probably clarify because looking back at the post it seems like I am really indifferent about her but that's not the case.

I had to move back in with my parents at 27, I was concentrating on buying a house and getting my career in order and she was talking about getting married right away. I didn't think it was practical to get married before we had a house, you know? My plan was to take things a slow but she grew impatient and initiated the breakup. I couldnt give her what she wanted yet so I let her go. I assumed we would get back together but it just never happened. I've kicked myself for the past couple years about it but my pride prevented me from contacting her. I assumed she had no interest in me anymore but when I found out she had regrets it made me wonder if I should suck it up.

The biggest thing I want to know is if an ex were to contact you after a couple years apart, would you rather them be very casual "hey how are you" kind of talk, or would you prefer them to say straight out that they have regrets and want to see you again? Or, should I try to catch her in person?

[Peter Pry]

The biggest thing I want to know is if an ex were to contact you after a couple years apart, would you rather them be very casual "hey how are you" kind of talk, or would you prefer them to say straight out that they have regrets and want to see you again? Or, should I try to catch her in person?

If she's been pining like you have, then she wants to hear exactly what you're feeling.

If she hasn't been pining, then nothing you say is likely to get her back.

So you have nothing to lose by being completely honest and open with your reasons for getting back in touch. Calling her up and talking about the weather would only be irritation.

[Gigabitch]

^^^ What he said. Also, I vote for going up to her in person. This way you can see what she feels when you look at her, not wait for a carefully-crafted email response.

[JohnDoe1435]

Feeling much better after hearing those replies. I definitely would prefer to see her in person, sometimes talking to someone face to face is the best way to figure things out. Hoping I see her again at the gym but I'm not going to engage in any stalking to make that happen lol. I suppose an email would be the next best thing. And you are definitely right Peter Pry, if it's not going to happen nothing I say will change that. Thanks alot for the help.