Originally Posted by
cmacattack1
In a manner of speaking, yeah I think it did bring you back to square one. You said you were with her, had a great time, felt connected and everything. That was both of you enjoying each other's company again and finding what you liked in each other again. Then you brought up your relationship in the letter of apology. Just put a negative spin on everything and showed you were still hanging onto the past. If you ever wanted a future with her, you would want to start a new relationship. Not get back together. It would be impossible to get back together because you are (or should be) a new person than the guy before. Seeing as you are still talking about the old relationship, it just seems like you are exhibiting you are the same guy. Especially if you said that "you've changed" and everything. If you changed, you wouldn't feel like you need to vocalize it or say it. It's in your confidence and it's noticeable to those who know you. And who doesn't know you better than your ex?
She will not want to be back with that same guy. With these kinds of situations, it would be wise for her to bring up the relationship first before you do. I feel like she called your bluff and you folded. If you really made a conscious effort to better yourself, I just think that you wouldn't be in this situation right now. And if you look at the big picture, 5 months isn't a long time. From my experiences and from what I've seen and read about others, one year is usually a good minimum of NC. And that is if you didn't do any embaressing behavior during the break up (anger, begging <--something I did, etc.). Than it's much longer.
Of course you can't help the bump in. Which you did, and I think that the wedding could have worked in your favor if you took it exactly as it was, just a good time. You ever notice your girlfriend complaining about an ex that still contacts her, or make fun of them, etc. etc. You don't want to be that person and you know that doesn't work. That's the frustrating part, there is nothing you can do to get them to contact you. They will have to choose to on their own. Keeping up that poker face and being that fun awesome person they used to enjoy is good thing. Negativity is bad.
The point was to put some space between your relationship in the past and now. Those 5 months that you could have been building yourself up in your ex's eyes are just now apologies. And the more you do something, the less effective it is each time. Going into NC now again, while it's your only option, won't be bought as easy with her after she's seen how you are after 5 months.
I hope you are ready for the long haul buddy. Chasing after some other options are some of my recommendations, even if you still have feelings for her. You never know what you are going to find, and she's doing it even if she still has feelings for you. Sorry if this hasn't been a very positive post, at least you felt like you had that connection again (although she could be seeing it as different) and if she still feels that way after some time, you may have a chance. But you have no way to know and if you wait around for her, you could be let down. You go out there, do your thing, if you meet somebody else great. Even if your ex comes back, you have somebody. But she might not. Waiting around won't help.
You ever seen that movie 500 Days of Summer? That expectations vs. reality scene is brutal.