Stupid Fighting

[tonguebiter]

Hi all, need some friendly advice on a couple things. I do have a history of depression/anxiety, i've been medicated previously but now am generally been happy enough to not take medication.

My girlfriend and I get along great and we rarely ever fight, but when we do it gets ugly. We usually resolve things but, I am a very pessimistic person at heart, i usually can only remember bad things and fights stick with me for a couple days. My girlfriend gets hurt, but can be over the fight later that day.

What are someways I can get back to normal quicker? I know this may be my anxiety and depression but I am sure there are some helpful techniques.

Now to why things get ugly when we fight. I also feel like I have to prove myself and prove that I am right. I always listen to her, but it ALWAYS comes back to me trying to push it on her, and this lowers her self-esteem significantly. I know this is the cause of our silly fights being blown up. It's more important to me that I make her happy then me being right, so how can I bite my tongue even if I think I am right? In the more important fights I will say my opinion, but the small ones I just don't care about anymore. Any suggestions?

Am I just an a*hole?

[Bokonon]

The number one problem is insecurity. That's why you focus on the fights the next day and that's why they get so bad. Deep down you are afraid you may not be right, so when you feel you are right and your girlfriend disagrees you feel you must force her to take your opinion to validate it.

I think the solution is a blend of self-confidence and proper perspective. At least the latter if you can't achieve the former. Your girlfriend sounds like a pretty great person in that she's willing to move past these fights and stick with you. You need to remember that the little thing you are arguing about is NOT so important, and that it does NOT reflect on your worth as a person whether or not your girlfriend agrees with you.

Try making this a regular tactic: "I value your opinion, but I just disagree this time." Let it go. Say that to her. You don't have to agree on everything.

Maybe once in a while listen to her and really consider her position, and you may find yourself even agreeing with her sometimes.

[doppelgaenger]

Yes, frankly you're being an asshole. Instead of wanting to always be right, you need to focus your arguments on solving the problems. Leave the competition for when you're arm wrestling with your friends.