Keeping The Love Alive

[shheadz]

Can love sustain itself through the months and years without any effort, or is it something that both people need to work at to keep alive? So many people here lost someone because that someone fell out of love with them. Is that just the way it goes, or does it mean one or both of them weren't putting in the effort to keep the fire burning?

[lhn]

From my small experience in 'loving someone' I've come to the conclusion that it is definitely a fire which requires stoking at all times. The big difference is that it shouldn't be an 'effort' to keep it going, more an understanding that those two people share. I think thats what people have when they talk about 'soul mates'.

[vashti]

Can love sustain itself through the months and years without any effort

No. In fact, in long term relationships, sometimes love completely vanishes, and you have to rely upon your sense of commitment to keep you together until you can once again find common ground.

[QueenofCorona]

I think at some point in a relationship the honeymoon period ends and thats when both parties need to be sure to make an effort to keep the spark alive. Its hard though with life...work, kids, bills, busy schedules. It becomes easy for a person to take the other one for granted or to think "I have him/her so I don't need to try anymore." People make the mistake of thinking romance is grand gestures like weekends away at a 5 star hotel but its easier than that. A text saying "Can't wait to see you later" or "I miss you" is something. Also, I think a lot of people "fall out of love" because they never truly loved the other person. People make the mistake of confusing real love with lust or infatuation and probably throw the word "love" around too easily. Real love is loving that person regardless if they put on 20 lbs or if they lose their job or something unfortunate happens in their life. Real love is loving someone unconditionally.

[vashti]

I don't believe in unconditional love. The closest you get to unconditional love is that of a parent for a child.

[Gigabitch]

I've seen a few couples that have managed to keep it going for a long, long time. I had dinner at one such couple's house on Saturday. These people are retirement age, been married for eons, and are clearly still into one another.

One thing I noticed is that they both complimented one another throughout the evening. They're just plain nice to one another and they make an effort to show it. Another thing is that they try to do things together. They're kind of old and don't have much experience with computers, so they've signed up for a class together to learn how to use their PC. I think that's adorable.

I think it takes work every day, but it can be done.

[Elle_Boogie]

I think true love lasts forever, and its avoiding arguments, insults, and jealousy that keeps it alive. Rather than fighting to keep the spark alive, its fighting to avoid negativity. The less negativity you bring to the relationship, the longer it lasts. And unconditional love is most definitely real.

[Gigabitch]

I used to believe in unconditional love for a man, but that's changed since I had my daughter. Now I know that if anyone laid a hand on her I would cease to love him immediately.

[vashti]

I can think of a number of things that would cause me to stop loving a man. I can't think of ANY that would cause me to stop loving my kids.