Need help!!

**Smita** · 02-02-10, 05:56 PM

We are getting married soon.. but I just cant get over his ex. I keep imagining him with her..doing whatever he does to me. I imagine that he would have said the same things to her as he tells me..basically m just not able to get over with existence of his ex in his life .. which was once upon a time...otherwise my guy is a lovely human being...
Please help..

**chocolateorange** · 02-02-10, 10:57 PM

Sounds like you need to make a decision and stick with it. If I were you I would really try to accept that he loves you and is with you now and try to eliminate the thoughts of his ex from your mind. It's hard - trust me. I'm sort of in a similar situation, but if he's worth it you have the power to focus the relationship on the two of you. There's no need to bring an ex into the picture. They broke up for a reason - they aren't good for one another. You are with each other for a reason - you love one another. Try to go with that.

**1337lizard** · 02-02-10, 11:13 PM

Ok come on. Who is he marrying, you or the ex? Get over that. It's not fair to him that you're upset that he has an ex. I understand if they're really close and all buddy buddy because that's worrying, but if not, then you're creating unnecessary wrinkles in your relationship.

Think on it, how many people on this planet have an ex? What are you going to do, call off the engagement and try to find someone who has never had a girlfriend before? If the answer is a resounding no, which it should be, then what advice are you expecting to find? The obvious advice is: get over it. You don't something like this to ruin your big day, right?

**bluesummer** · 03-02-10, 12:27 AM

Hey, consider yourself lucky he only has ONE ex.

Don't let this spoil your wedding, it's really silly. This is just nerves and a little insecurity rearing its ugly head. You said yourself he's a lovely guy, so don't worry about it. Him having been with another person before you were married (or even together) has no effect on his feelings for you or your future together. Consider yourself the one that 'won'.

**Smita** · 03-02-10, 01:47 PM

I really want to let go.. off all that.. but manier times when he talks about his medical college days and good times he had there.. she just flashes infront of me... although I have just seen her pic.. I feel he misses those days in there and also her.. I know I am thinking unnecessarily and getting myself pissed off (pardon my language) with all this.. but yes I feel miserable .. a lot of times. I am not at all considering calling my wedding off.. but all that I want to know is how can I let this feeling of jealousy go by.. I make myself unhappy.

**1337lizard** · 03-02-10, 02:00 PM

What you're saying is that you're feeling really jealous for no reason and you don't know how to handle it. It happens, I understand. But I don't think we can help you from our computers for an issue like this. Maybe you should seek out some professional counseling? I don't consider counseling to be anything serious, so please don't take that as an insult. It's just good to talk something like this out with someone who has training and experience in helping people with problems like yours.

**Smita** · 03-02-10, 02:03 PM

Thanks for understanding.. not that he has only one EX.. he had physical relation ship with many.. but she was the only one serious stuff i know about..strangely.. i dont feel bad that he slept with many.. only thing that pricks me is that one girl...who may be took a lot of love out of him..

**Smita** · 03-02-10, 02:05 PM

I know he is marrying me..I know whatever is happening is all in my favor.. I know and can feel that he loves me a lot...but still I am not just able to let go...this one girl's existence...
Please help..

**VincenzoG91** · 04-02-10, 11:34 AM

He can't change his perfectly normal past, and neither can you. I suggest that you seek counseling for your unreasonable obsession. If you can't let go of it, you shouldn't get married to this guy. And from now on, you should stick to dating virgins.

**flavaflave** · 05-02-10, 06:30 PM

We both find it hot if the other does it, and usually end up together if you know what I mean lol.

**sookie6** · 05-02-10, 06:58 PM

Maybe she was his first love and therefore will always hold a special place in his heart.

What about you who is your first love?

**Smita** · 05-02-10, 07:27 PM

@sookie6 You may be right.. that she was his 1st love..but the issue is not with him..its with me.. I am trying so hard on it..actually..hopefully getting a professional counselor help will help. thanks so much.

He is my only love..

**Smita** · 05-02-10, 07:43 PM

a lil dumb .. m sorry could not follow what u meant..

**sookie6** · 05-02-10, 08:04 PM

Originally Posted by Smita

@sookie6 You may be right.. that she was his 1st love..but the issue is not with him..its with me.. I am trying so hard on it..actually..hopefully getting a professional counselor help will help. thanks so much.

He is my only love..

So yes he is your first love and you are having trouble coping with the notion of being able to love more than once in your life...

Yet, experiencing love several times in a lifetime is possible and it doesn't affect the love he now has for you.

On the scale of things this issue might not seem so important. Still it is causing you much anxiety. As others say you need to overcome this before it affects the quality of your relationship.

You insecurities will not make you attractive. Resolve the issue asap and become a confident and well-together woman men want to marry!!!

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