Long Distance Relationship...Re-Uniting

[MLK]

I've been in a long distance relationship for the past year and a half. Finally, my guy is moving back here (for his job, not specifically for me-- but always promised me he would come back... hence putting my life on hold to wait for that day) Well, that day is about 3 weeks away and we are just at each others throats.He is so disrespectful, belittling, and selfish it's insane. I've been vocal with him that his behavior is not tolerable, but he blames it on stress and work, and says that "things will be different upon my return." God I hope so. We have zero trust for one another, can't communicate rationally for the life of us... but things were perfection before he moved away. I'm thinking all these problems are because we are at our max capacity with this long distance crap, but have we ruined what could have been good when we finally come face to face again?

He won't address any of my issues/red flags. I.E: he is still in contact with his ex girlfriend, but doesn't want me to be in contact with my ex's. They have a dog together (which he hasn't seen in a year-- so technically it isn't his dog anymore) and I know he's going to want to see the dog/spend time with the dog, which inturn means spending time with her. He has flat out told me that she "will always be in my life, you just have to deal with it." But it KILLS me daily to think about it. Am I just being insecure?

I really want to try to make it work when he comes back in a few weeks... and we will give it a shot, it may not last long, but we'll try. Sadly, I know things will be great when we are together, but there are these lingering issues (ex, lying, communication barrier) that he won't budge on, that will ultimately be the death of our relationship. And I'm sure as hell not going to just let him call the shots and make my life a living hell because I'm so unhappy. I've lived like that for the past year and a half and I don't know who I am anymore. I'm depressed, don't go out anymore, nothing seems fun. Yet, I have to pull a 180 when he returns because he won't want to be with some depressed girl who stresses about him and the things he does all the time. What the hell do I do???

[OneQuestion]

I think you should have moved on when he left... based on his actions with his x GF and so on... but you waited this long... so you shouldn't shut down now. See him when he gets back and see how things go from there.

[1337lizard]

oh my god, it's like reading my relationship....except you have long distance added into it.

The problems won't be magically fixed just by him coming back. I would suggest that if you're really that unhappy (by the way you used the exact same expression I used when I was dating the nightmare ex-gf who was also very selfish, lying frequently, etc.) then you should consider cutting your losses. I know it seems like the best thing to do is to play it safe and stick it out to see if it will work but if you are really at each other's throats all the time and you're really unhappy, keep it in mind.

[MLK]

I have known all along that waiting for him was a gamble, and quite possibly a waste of my time, but the hopeless romantic in me wanted to try. However, trying has only dug me deeper into a hole. I can't turn back time-- so I know the logical answer is to stop wasting more time and digging myself farther deeper in this hole, but in the back of my mind I am really hoping that things will be different upon his return.

I know there isn't going to be a magical change just because we are face to face. In fact, he should be trying harder now to resolve the problems so we can start anew when he gets here, but he is only growing more distant because he's fed up with the fighting. I'm fed up with the fighting too, but in a sick way, I almost addicted to the saga. I don't know what life is like anymore without his drama. I know that's the epitome of insane, but that's what I've morphed into. He says, "what happened to the girl I met?" I simply responded with, "You killed her. I don't know who she is anymore."

It's pathetic how I'm going back and forth trying to think the best, knowing it's only going to end up badly. He's not giving me anything to work with, but that almost makes me want to try harder to make it work. I don't know...