I don't know what I want out of life.

[dewilliams2]

I find you can't plan much of anything...nothing ever happens as you plan it...which I think is good. The best thing you can do is put yourself in a position to achieve your goals in life...and then be happy with the outcome regardless of if it was what you originally intended to do...there are so many pathways to take your life...one is not always better or worse than the other.

I mean certainly decided to be a dr or a crackhead is a big difference but deciding to live in one city or another isn't...chances are you will be happy with your family and friends in one just as easily as the other.

[AdminOnline]

I can't decide where I want to live, city, suburb, rural.

What I want to live in, condo, house, boat.

Whether or not I want children.

If I want children, how soon, or late I should have them.

I just can't seem to figure out what I want because I see the pros and cons of them all.

Life is gonna pass me by before I can decide!

I'm running out of time!!

i am in the same boat..

they call it the mid-life crisis..

since i am 'lost', all i care now is have stable income to feed myself first.. as for the rest ... just take one step at a time..

[vashti]

i am in the same boat..

they call it the mid-life crisis..

since i am 'lost', all i care now is have stable income to feed myself first.. as for the rest ... just take one step at a time..

Mid life crisis? Aren't you like 27 years old?

Mid life crisis is when men realize the young girls aren't so impressed with their beer bellies and bald spot, so they start running to get in shape for a marathon, and they buy a sports car. It works for a few years...

[Sonrisa]

PP, I am so impressed with you and very proud of you as well. This is the thinking of an intelligent young woman.

[IndiReloaded]

If you plan on having children from 28 onwards after more or less attending school for most of your life, why bother with all the extra school?

Has your partner agreed to raise the children while you bring home the bacon?

Its a good question, which is why I thanked Doc for bringing it up. But its not wasted school as you imply Doc. I had both my son and my end degree before 30. Finishing school is *much* easier before children. Frankly, I can't imagine how hard it is for those who try to raise kids and go to grad or professional school. I've seen it, tho, and something *always* gives. Generally, the women I know who go back to school tend to do it once their kids are older. This seems the other reasonable way to do it. Tho they do tend to lose out on careers that require a large time-investment. They aren't the ones becoming tenured profs, senior execs, etc. Most don't want that tho either, so it balances out.

In my case, my being finished my degree allowed me to stay home and raise my son when he was young. I continued to work PT and stay in the job pool, but without sacrificing my family. My husband was the primary Bacon-Bringer at that time. Once our son was older, I was able to transition back into my career fairly seamlessly. I cannot stress how important it is to keep those networking contacts, tho.

Hope this helps, PP. It IS possible to have both, but you need to be organized.

[IndiReloaded]

I find you can't plan much of anything...nothing ever happens as you plan it...which I think is good. The best thing you can do is put yourself in a position to achieve your goals in life...and then be happy with the outcome regardless of if it was what you originally intended to do...there are so many pathways to take your life...one is not always better or worse than the other.

This is completely wrong, IMO. Sorry, but I see the difference in ppl who have planned their lives and those who haven't. My life is a fairly well planned one (so far) and we have it pretty good, I think. Its a bit of work to plan things out, but well worth it.

Perhaps you mean you shouldn't be inflexible in making your plans. I agree with that. But that is quite different from not making any plans, which give you direction and help you achieve your goals.

How many of you know exactly how long and much money you need to retire at a given age? Are you making plans for that? I hope so.

[Petit Papillon]

Its a good question, which is why I thanked Doc for bringing it up. But its not wasted school as you imply Doc. I had both my son and my end degree before 30. Finishing school is *much* easier before children. Frankly, I can't imagine how hard it is for those who try to raise kids and go to grad or professional school. I've seen it, tho, and something *always* gives. Generally, the women I know who go back to school tend to do it once their kids are older. This seems the other reasonable way to do it. Tho they do tend to lose out on careers that require a large time-investment. They aren't the ones becoming tenured profs, senior execs, etc. Most don't want that tho either, so it balances out.

In my case, my being finished my degree allowed me to stay home and raise my son when he was young. I continued to work PT and stay in the job pool, but without sacrificing my family. My husband was the primary Bacon-Bringer at that time. Once our son was older, I was able to transition back into my career fairly seamlessly. I cannot stress how important it is to keep those networking contacts, tho.

Hope this helps, PP. It IS possible to have both, but you need to be organized.

I plan to finish school and get a degree definately before having kids. I want to work at least 1 or 2 years before having kids as well. Well the perfect scenario would be , I was working and got pregnant and would go just on paternity leave,without losing the job.
I don't see a big tragedy when both parents work and leave the kiddo to grandparents or nanny or at the day care. Such kids aren't retarded or handicaped after. World is not perfect anyway.What I prefer is to earn enough money together with my partner to afford good life to us and our children. To be able to pay for their schools, let them discover and pursue their dreams,let them see the world, have always food in the fridge and maybe go for holidays 1 or 2 times per year. What I don't want is to live from 1st to 1st , always think how and where to save money and what I never would like to experience is to say 'no' to something my child asks just because I have not enough money. Everything gets more expensive as we all know, for sure it's not getting cheaper. Maybe in the past it was possible to follow a life like this, but not today. I think the fact that I won't go everyday with my child to the playground is not a big price for it.
And well, maybe I'll be lucky to get a degree that will let me work at home. There is a chance for that. Of course I would take that job 100 times more than out of home. What kind of mother wouldn't like to stay with her child in the end?

But of course you're right Indi, of course as always

[IndiReloaded]

I don't see a big tragedy when both parents work and leave the kiddo to grandparents or nanny or at the day care. Such kids aren't retarded or handicaped after. World is not perfect anyway.What I prefer is to earn enough money together with my partner to afford good life to us and our children. To be able to pay for their schools, let them discover and pursue their dreams,let them see the world, have always food in the fridge and maybe go for holidays 1 or 2 times per year. What I don't want is to live from 1st to 1st , always think how and where to save money and what I never would like to experience is to say 'no' to something my child asks just because I have not enough money. Everything gets more expensive as we all know, for sure it's not getting cheaper. Maybe in the past it was possible to follow a life like this, but not today. I think the fact that I won't go everyday with my child to the playground is not a big price for it.
And well, maybe I'll be lucky to get a degree that will let me work at home. There is a chance for that. Of course I would take that job 100 times more than out of home. What kind of mother wouldn't like to stay with her child in the end?

But of course you're right Indi, of course as always

Well, its really a personal decision how to raise little ones. I know women with nannies and work FT from basically a week after birth. This seems a bit more accepted in europe than here in NA. Some of my cousins went to boarding school early b/c their parents jobs were considered too dangerous to take them. In our case both my husband & I agreed that young children should have a parent at home for them. Its the model we used and it seems like a good one. Frankly, little kids need their moms, IMO, so I took the slight career hit. Since I'm not really feeling any effects for it now, b/c of what I PLANNED for (there's that word again) when I was younger, its largely a big shrug now. Except I have a great lifestyle, a very reasonable kid and a career I'm quite happy with.

If you have extended family close by who can help, tho, that is really the ideal. We had to move for our jobs, and that is the one thing I regret about my kids upbringing--not being physically closer to relatives.

[vashti]

The best experience of my life was staying home to raise my kids. I never would have chosen to do it another way. I was extremely fortunate to have been able to do that, and every time I want to kill my husband, I think about the fact that he allowed that to happen, and believe me, it saves his life on some days.

And yeah, sorry but I definitely saw a big difference between day care kids and the ones who had their mommas taking care of them. No one loves your child and cares about their well-being the way their own parent does, and no one else is going to care enough to invest the energy to ensure they are raised the way YOU want them raised. I mean, I don't really care if other people don't mind sticking their kids in daycare, but i wouldn't EVER do it, and really, you shouldn't kid yourself that the child doesn't pay a big price for it. They do. Ask a kindergarten teacher.

But yeah, some daycares can do a decent job.

[Petit Papillon]

I still don't know what I will do in future, where will I live and how will I work. I think mostly I talk about options that I will possibly have. You know to have an opportunity like you did is much about having luck. For example my sister is hitting 30 this year and she's still not having kids because if she would decide to have some, it could be a loss in her career. She was working with a girl 2 years that decided to have child after her conctract was finished and it's already 2 or 3 years since she can't find a job. But it could depend on the job field. They both are chemical engineers and her friend is having problems in finding a job because she had this long break (no practice). It's always different when you work already somewhere and get pregnant then,because they can't fire you because of your pregnancy ,and after paternity leave you can go back to work.
But as I said, there are job fields where few years break is not that big deal.Anyway, I don't know what future will bring. I let myself think about it when I will already have something to think about

[Petit Papillon]

The best experience of my life was staying home to raise my kids. I never would have chosen to do it another way. I was extremely fortunate to have been able to do that, and every time I want to kill my husband, I think about the fact that he allowed that to happen, and believe me, it saves his life on some days.

And yeah, sorry but I definitely saw a big difference between day care kids and the ones who had their mommas taking care of them. No one loves your child and cares about their well-being the way their own parent does, and no one else is going to care enough to invest the energy to ensure they are raised the way YOU want them raised. I mean, I don't really care if other people don't mind sticking their kids in daycare, but i wouldn't EVER do it, and really, you shouldn't kid yourself that the child doesn't pay a big price for it. They do. Ask a kindergarten teacher.

I grew up without mum and I don't love her less just because she needed to leave to earn money for us. It happens you know? I'm not less smart or with bigger issues than other kids that have had moms at home to prepare their lunch for school. Moreover, I know many people who have had mums at home and grew up stupid, selfish and troublesome.

[IndiReloaded]

The best experience of my life was staying home to raise my kids. I never would have chosen to do it another way. I was extremely fortunate to have been able to do that, and every time I want to kill my husband, I think about the fact that he allowed that to happen, and believe me, it saves his life on some days.

This^ is an amazing attitude to have. There are a lot of men all over the world who would die to hear their wives tell them this.

As for your mum, PP, I don't think Vash means cases where parents *have* to work. She's talking about choosing career over childcare, especially when they are little.

I see this at the university, and it really is sad. All those little baby prams in the daycare with their parents working on campus. I wasn't a complete stay-at home mom, but I'm glad we never did this kind of thing. It really makes you wonder why parents even bother having them.

[Petit Papillon]

And I add something. Sometimes I'm glad I didn't grew up together with my mum. At least I never 'hated' her when I was a teenager like most of my friends, never argued with her and actually I had a big contact with her, through the phone but we talked about issues that many of my girlfriends never could talk about with their mums. Basically, my mum knew more about my problems than anybody else.

[Sonrisa]

i've always thought that you don't love your mom, PP

[Petit Papillon]

i've always thought that you don't love your mom, PP

That is so wrong Sonrisa. Why would you think like that? I would never 'not love' my parents. No matter what they would do to me (besides something really drastic). They brought me to this world, this is already a reason to love them.Besides they taught me many things and made me who I am today. They also did mistakes that I could learn of.