need to call her to ask her out

[yaganon]

I knew this girl in HS. I liked her a lot. But then we went to different colleges - we're now both freshmen. She's back for spring break for a week, and yesterday, her family invited our family (along with others) over for dinner. Last night, I had trouble falling asleep and getting up because I couldn't stop thinking about her. I need advice. I want to call her and ask her out for a movie, tennis, or something else, but I'm afraid I'll fk it up by coming in too strong. So I don't want it to really feel like a date, but just a day out with a friend so that I can get to know her better and build a good foundation.

I got this one chance before she goes off again. Don't tell me about long term relationships either, because I gotta do this. I need advice.

[NorthernGuy]

On the face of it, I think you already know the answer. Call her. Just say hello, briefly re-establish rapport with her, and ask if she fancies doing something. Be specific about the activity, rather than asking what she wants to do.

Ok, so that fact you haven't already done that suggests to me that you're anxious about it. Understandable. I wish there were an easier way forward, but this is one of those times when you just have to be bold and do it. No substitute here for making a move. Whatever else, having done something about it will make you feel good about yourself, and more likely to take action next time you're in this situation.

I suppose you could text or email, but if you want to make the best impression, call her. If she says a definite 'no', then at least you know. If you sense it's a 'no, but . . . ' then suggest something else. If it's a 'yes', then great!

You can then establish contact through Facebook or email, and work on developing things from there. Summer isn't far away :-)

[yaganon]

OK, thanks. Do you have any suggestions as to what I should ask her to do?

[NorthernGuy]

Well, I wouldn't recommend going to the movies, as you'll be sitting in silence for two hours! You need something fun and preferably interactive.

I wouldn't suggest going for a meal. Too much of a time investment for her, and costly. You could pop in somewhere like Fridays or Bennigans for desserts though, rather than a full meal. I'd usually do that as part of a date. More something I'd suggest on the spur of the moment, after doing something else, to prolong the date if we're both having fun.

Coffee or drinks is ok, if all else fails, but that's what everyone does. You can do better!

Things that come to mind, and have worked well for me - bowling, mini golf, skating, rollerblading, kite flying, going to the arcade (air hockey, video games, etc.).

Fingers crossed! Let us know how it goes :-)

[yaganon]

I don't mean to keep asking the same question. I just feel like there's a lot at stake. Like I said, I don't want to come in too strong by making it feel like a date. We weren't close iin HS, but the dinner yesterday broke a lot of ice. If I call her and she says no, I won't be upset about the rejection, but about what might come of our friendship. Also, I don't even know if there's a guy chasing her at her college.

I don't know about the things you said, like bowling and mini golf. Like I said, I don't want it to be like a date, because I think it'll scare her away. I mean a movie seems like the standard thing to do. She likes tennis, and so do I. Since it's kind of cold out, and they might not even have put up the tennis nets yet, I think a movie is still my best bet, imo.

I'm asking a lot of useless questions, but this is very delicate to me. Like I said, I don't want to fk it up.

[NorthernGuy]

I don't mean to keep asking the same question. I just feel like there's a lot at stake. Like I said, I don't want to come in too strong by making it feel like a date. We weren't close iin HS, but the dinner yesterday broke a lot of ice. If I call her and she says no, I won't be upset about the rejection, but about what might come of our friendship. Also, I don't even know if there's a guy chasing her at her college.

I don't know about the things you said, like bowling and mini golf. Like I said, I don't want it to be like a date, because I think it'll scare her away. I mean a movie seems like the standard thing to do. She likes tennis, and so do I. Since it's kind of cold out, and they might not even have put up the tennis nets yet, I think a movie is still my best bet, imo.

I'm asking a lot of useless questions, but this is very delicate to me. Like I said, I don't want to fk it up.

Ah, ok. I didn't get that you didn't know her well in High School, from the first message. Doesn't make that much of a difference, but I guess you have to decide what you want - if not yet, then at some point. Friendship is good, but I'm getting that you'd like more. In which case, don't take it too far down the friend route first.

Lots of girls get scared to risk good friendships for relationships, and would rather not spoil what they have. Having said that, sometimes friendships lead to other things, but not as often.

Tennis would have been good, but like you say, it's not the right weather. A movie would be ok, if you make time to talk before, after, or both. But just a movie won't do very much to move things along, if that's ultimately what you want.

Maybe you go for a movie and drink/coffee now, and consider other, more date-like things when you both get home for summer.

I love Facebook. You can get to know a lot about a girl from reading what gets posted on her wall. There might even be clues about her relationship status, if you want to be careful about that. Also, you get to interact, and can get her looking forward to seeing you again. You might even be able to tease or flirt a bit.

Anyway, that's how I'd play it, but that's me. You'll find the best way forward, I'm sure, and I hope something I've said helps you out.

Good luck!

[yaganon]

hey, thanks a lot man. I appreciate everything you said. I'll think about it some more, though, because there's a couple of more details I didn't share above.

I don't have her on fb. It's complicated... I can get her number though and I'll txt her if the light's green between us. But thanks again

[yaganon]

I asked her to play tennis and she said yes. Not exactly a big deal, but I feel good!

[Cbrider]

If all else fails, Wii Tennis is always an option, lol.

See, it's a lot of weight off your chest once you actually ask, and its not nearly as bad as you psych yourself out to think.

[NorthernGuy]

Yay! Well done!