Is liking this type of guy just wrong?

[Tuffytuff]

I know I'm too young but I've never had a boyfriend and I'm in high school. I'm very independent and known to be smart, serious, quiet and pretty. Recently there's this guy in my p.e. class that's one year older than I am and is my brother's friend. I didn't really notice him until my brother told me that he wanted to know if I was single. Of course he didn't tell my brother to tell me that. My brother told me that he's good as a friend but looks bad as a boyfriend. He has a silver piercing in the middle of his chin, small earings, a goatee, and my mom says he looks scruffy and short. My brother told me that he told him he had sex before, but my brother says he thinks he just makes up things and not to believe everything he says. We are total opposites, he's outgoing and knows everyone and I'm quiet and hardly talk to anyone unless I have a question or they talk to me first. He's mexican but was born and raised in the U.S. but seems more american than mexican which is a good thing. I'm into psychology and think he has some problems he needs to work out. Like he used to cut himself just to make the people who didn't like him freak out. He doesn't do that anymore and supposedly he tries not to get into a lot of fights anymore. The good thing is that he doesn't believe in hitting women. So the only damage he would do is to himself. He hasn't even said a single word to me but secretly looks at me when I'm not looking. Although he does try to get my attention by crossing in front of me or when I'm with my brother and starts talking to him. I'm known for intimidating people with my serious face even though I don't mean to but others say I have an innocent face. He hangs out with girls more than guys, mostly because girls always run to him because they think he's funny and cute. After I found out about him liking me (which he doesn't know that), I started to like him too, but it's hard not to consider his issues he has. My mom doesn't want me to go out with him and so does my brother. He likes heavy metal which I hate, but that's not the problem. He looks more like a rocker but recently cut his hair. Since I've never had a boyfriend, I don't want to make a mistake by picking someone like him. I really like him but I'm probably the only person he doesn't talk to in p.e. class and I want to know why that is. Is it because I'm the sister of his friend or do I intimidate him too? Should I listen to my mom and brother or go with how I feel? I'm focused on my education so I won't be distracted by a guy no matter what desicion I make, but I want to know that if he does confront me and asks me out should I say yes to my total opposite or no and listen to my logical thinking. I know I shouldn't be asking this at my age, but it's my first boyfriend and I want to know if I'm stupid for even considering such a guy. I can't believe I've been reduced to this over a mere guy Please give me advice

[kisswithafist]

ok so how old are you then exactly?

your mum and your brother are just looking out for you, but if your brother thinks hes such a bad guy then why is he friends with him?
and your mum is just judging him on what he looks like, which mums tend to do.

I cant see the harm in you going out for a date with him, whats the worst that can happen? if you like him then you like him.
get to know him yourself and make up your own mind.

[Petit Papillon]

Eee wrong.
Her brother said 'he's good as a friend but not good as a boyfriend'. This means that her brother ,as a best friend of this guy, tells his sister how he really is. If he wouldn't like her to not even knowing that this guy is interested in her, he wouldn't say nothing about it. But he did, but as a good brother, he also said that this guy is not a good bf material. I would qay, listen to your brother, he really is right.Belive me, if his friend would be a good guy, a normal brother wouldn't mind if you two were dating

[kisswithafist]

i disagree i dont think brothers would like their little sister going out with any of their mates. i learnt that one. ha, but yeah i understand your brother obviously knows him and he may not be boyfriend material.
i still think you should get to know him yourself and make up your own mind.

[Petit Papillon]

Not always brothers re like this. In this case especially. If her brother would be totally against her dating his friends, he wouldn't say anything at all (that this guys is interested in her). But he did, however, he said that this guys is definately not a bf material (doesn't mean that he's not a friend material either). I would say, listen to your brother. Seems like you're young,unexperienced and you could have your heart broken very easily. Nobody wants that, right?

[kisswithafist]

yeah i do agree obviously she is young and could get hurt, and if she really wanted to date him im sure she would anyway. i suppose im just trying to say that if she wants to get to know him herself then i cant see the harm in one date.

[Incognito]

Obviously this guy has issues. Someone who used to cut himself, and get into fights all the time???? Those issues don't just disappear, the person just is better able to hide them (unless he got professional help, which I doubt since he is only in high school). You on the other hand, tuffytuff, seem to have your head on straight and have people who care about you trying to give you some GOOD advice. The only reason that you are unsure is because you feel attracted to his 'bad boy' image (just like all the other girls you mentioned). Since you are attracted to him you are letting it blind you as to how right your brother and mom are. I have been friends with guys who were cool to be with, but because I knew their personalities and how their minds worked I would never let them date my sister. A perfect example of this was one guy who was really funny, outgoing, and cool, BUT he was always talking about how he wanted to f*ck this girl and that girl, and what he did to another girl, and how he fantasized about having sex with a girl who didn't want to have sex with him and how her screaming would be a turn on. Yeah, that's pretty scary. He's probably an actual rapist now. If your brother knows him better than you, and advises you not to date him, I'd listen.

[Gigabitch]

If your own brother is telling you to stay away from him, he's probably not the guy for you. Not as a first boyfriend, anyway.

[sookie6]

Yes your brother probably gave you good advice here. What I found the most alarming was the self harming...

I'am sure he is not a bad guy and probably going through teenage related problems..I mean for all we know he might turn out a very decent adult...it's been known to happen...

I know a few people (even teachers) who used to be very troubled teenagers...

Unfortunately for the time being he is not really what you need...you don't want to fall into the habit of fixing people.

But nothing wrong with becoming his friend though;..it might be the best way to see the extent of his 'problems'.

[the_robot]

I think Tuffytuff is just being attracted because of the "bad boy" looks and because he is interested on her, and like all teenagers wants to know what it's like and such... the romance.

I'm not the best one to speak about this, and I might be really wrong about the guy, but I'd trust your brother... if he has doubts about one of his friends, he most probably has reasons for it.

[girl68]

You don't really like him. You love the idea of someone liking you. Wait for another boy.

[Tuffytuff]

At first it was like that but just because I'm easily flattered doesn't mean I'm easy to get with. A overweight fat person could tell me that he likes me and I would be flattered but I wouldn' actually be his girlfriend. Overtime I just kind of started to notice this person more and think about him so I do like him and I don't usually have a crush on guys that often since I'm not boycrazed even for my age.

[Tuffytuff]

It's not really only because of how he looks because I don't like guys who wear piercings on their face cause it looks painful. After a few days I started to notice his personality and he seems easy to approach and has this nice funny aura around him. And no I"m not those teenagers that are cheesy. I think I'm still too young and inexperienced to actually go for that plus I don't let it get in the way of my future.

[Tuffytuff]

Thanks for the advice, but even though I'm young and unexperienced I"m very cold when it comes to feelings or so my family tells me. It's because I'm young that I always remind myself never to fall for a guy too much that I would have my heart broken but I think it would be my fault if I ever broke up with someone because sometimes I'm very coldhearted and don't like to express my feelings. So in that part you don't have to worry about my heart being broken.

[sookie6]

So in a way it is only logical that you fell for his personality who is warmer and more extravert than yours.

Personally I think it's partly reasonable on your part to want to protect yourself from heartbreak.

However you will have to face it one day or another. And be sure it is part of the picture for everyone.

If you don't feel ready dealing with love and its little disasters now, it's okay.

But do not block out valuable experiences for too long. It's better to learn certain things when you're young than wait later and be 10 times more hurt. I had this conversation with a friend who is 25 (I am 34 and experienced my very first heartbreak at 30) and we both envy the youngest people on the forum who are learning early about this kinda pain.