ex gf has rebound affair, NC or not?

[manhood]

Okay here is my situation..

My ex gf broke up with me at the end of january after a one year relation, without giving me good reasons why she broke up the relationship. A few days later she meets this guy and started dating with him. I found out she added this guy a couple of days on msn/facebook before she dumped me. So it feels like she dumped me for him, I never talked with her about this.

Since then my ex gf and I have been on NC and LC on msn for a couple of times, we do speak to each other once in the two weeks at the moment on msn. We live about three hours away from each other so thats the only way we have contact, since we never talked on the phone since the week of brake up. She is the one initiating the conversation most of the time, but there are times we are both online and say nothing to each other.

Yesterday she told me that she is going on a holiday with this guy and a group of friends this july. That was awfull to hear, cause I'm thinking she has a rebound relation with this her new bf... but july is 4 months away from now. Why does she go on holiday with someone she's been seeing only 8 weeks now? Anyway I told her that I was happy for her. She asked me how my love life was, but told her I wasn't seeing anyone cause I still have feelings for her.

I'm thinking of sending her a 'have a good life and enjoy your holiday' email today or tomorrow, and then delete her from msn without deleting the hotmail account, so she can write me if something is wrong.

Is that a good thing to do? Or should I be there as 'friend' and hear all the stuff she tells me about her going out with guys and hanging out with that bf? I could write her an email that ' I still love her and it's painfull to read all those things'.

I seriously don't know whats the best thing to do right now. I don't want her to go on holiday with those people (who I don't know), but I cant stop her. I would like to have her coming back to me within a couple of weeks if possible.

I'm working out, and I'm doing things daily, but I really like this girl.
What's the best strategy right now?

[kisswithafist]

ok well if i was you dont send amy emails. just let her get on with it, or you could tell her your trying to move on and you shouldnt have any contact.

It might not be rebound and she could have left you for him, or been seeing him before you broke up maybe.

if she wanted to be with you then she would be.

im speaking from experience from her side, just let her get on with it i say.

[cmacattack1]

I know you want to be honest and open and give your ex everything right now seeing as how you have feelings for her and everything. Hence you being honest and up front about your love life, which is non existent. I'm telling you what you are doing right now is losing her, and losing her fast. And I'm sure she was already hanging with this guy before she decided to dump you, in case you were wondering. The transition between partners is much easier for the dumper, especially when they are more than likely already detached from the situation when they do it.

Think about it, she dumps you but still gets to talk to you whenever she feels like it. She talks about her new guy and all her fun plans in the future. She is fishing around in your love life to see if you are going to be there for her in case things don't work out. You are just a cushion for her. And it's disrespectful to the new guy she is dating right now, which I would put money on the fact that he doesn't know you two are still talking.

No need to contact her at all right now. If she contacts you, tell her that you need some space and that this is what she wanted. Then it's complete no contact. If she still tries to, maybe another reminder or so and if she still doesn't get that just don't respond. I'm assuming she does this every week or so. You need this for you and taking away that cushion from her won't give her the support she needs to attach a bond with the new guy, if they even last at all.

I'm just saying this as realistic alternatives. Whether they work out or not isn't really your concern. NC is for you to get yourself back on track to happiness and dating other people. Even if they don't work out and she pops back in the picture, don't think for a second that you will live happily ever after. She needs time to sort herself out and her feelings with everything because she didn't get that when she jumped from the relationship with you to the relationship with him.

[QueenofCorona]

I wouldn't do the "peace out have a good life and have a fun vacation with your new bf" email. It would feel great but make you look like she still has the power over you and you are just too hurt without her. I agree with, Cmac, she doesn't need to know anything more than you've already told her. Not her business anymore.

If it feels better just phase her out. Do the no contact thing but don't tell her why. You don't owe her an explantion, she didn't give you one when she broke up.

Go out with your friends. You don't have to be intent on falling in love but meet new girls, flirt. Have fun. Life is too short to wait around for someone else when its just not there anymore.

[Gigabitch]

NC stands for NO CONTACT. That means no more emails or msn. Use it, it is the best way to get on with your life.

[manhood]

Wow thanks for the helpfull replies so far.

I think I'm gonna send her an NC email in which I clearly say that I will block her on msn (and ask her to do the same), and that she doesn't have to mail me as long she is having a relation with somebody else.

I also want to tell her that I found out that she added that guy just before ending our relation, cause I never confronted her with it.
And I'm thinking of telling her I've posted on a lot of love forums to talk about my feelings, I even can include cma's reply in the mail as well, it's very well written.
Is that a good idea? It will give her the impression I really cared about her, which I did.

To be honoust I really want her back, I've had many relations before and this girl made a deep impression on me, I don't think I ever meet someone like her.
Is this the best way to get her back? Going into NC for weeks/months?

Ofcourse I can block her on msn without sending a mail, but then I still see her msn profile photo's and text :S
But a better option is to get an other msn address and import my other friends into that one I guess

I have doubts about going into NC though. If I go NC I can't communicate anymore with her, so she will forget about me as time goes by. And if she brakes up with her current relation I won't be the first one she will think of.

[Gigabitch]

I know this sounds harsh, but you're obviously one of those people who just has to learn his lessons the hard way.

Enjoy your prolonged emotional beat down.

[manhood]

Well, Iv'e had an earlier relationship with a girl adn I had NC with her and that didn't work out, in fact I haven't had contact with that person at all anymore.
But with this girl it's an other story, I'm wondering if I should go NC or not, if I'm going NC I won't delete her from msn, but I'll be never online again

I'm here to hear tips/advice on how to get her back and what works best in that case.. NC or LC. And the emotionel beat down, it goes very well, just want her back thats all..

[kisswithafist]

no no no no no!!!!

dont email her telling her all that stuff!! thats the worst idea i think ive possibly ever heard in my whole entire life.

I think your going to make a fool of yourself just dont do it and get some self respect. I know you want her back but this is not the way to do it, if i was her you would look really weak to me, i think you need to stand up and be a man.
you are no longer together and she is with someone else, you might think shes making a mistake or shes on the rebound but shes made her bed. Find someone that wants to be with you.