I'm not usually one to do this but I'm in need of guidance.
Oh and just to pre-warn you It is a life story but the more detail the better you can paint the picture.
I got to know this girl at a part-time job we both worked at on the weekends.
After a while of working along side each other talking and having good laughs every weekend together the months soon passed and I found myself growing a soft spot for her. The thing is it was a different feeling that I have never felt before towards a woman.
I later Discovered however that she had a boyfriend, and was a bit saddened by it so I accepted the fact that she was in a relationship and thought that it's territory I probably don't want to enter.
More months passed with my feeling only growing stronger towards her the more we chatted and had our laughs together at work.
Now I don’t know if I was starting to make up excuses to convince myself that she was starting to grow the same kind of feelings that I felt but as time pressed on I began to notice her smiling at me from time to time and a lot of what I said she would laugh at and say I was funny and made her laugh a lot.
One day I vaguely over heard her and someone else at work saying “Don’t you have a boyfriend?” Her replying “I know but I like him.” Followed by who she was talking to taking a quick look in my general direction.
On another account I was leaving work as she was having lunch and I had a chat with her before leaving about her moving to university. As I left two of my mates I work with went in and I heard one say “did you ask him?” and she replied “ no, we where just talking about university.
There was a number of other occasions that made me question whether she felt what I felt. But I ljust thought I’m over reacting because of my emotions and put it down to I’m just making excuses in my head, she has a Boyfriend and she’s just really friendly.
One other example is I offered to apply for something at work and involved giving out some details i.e phone number and she jumped at offering to fill the form out. Later that night I get a phone call from a foreign number. I thought it was a prank call and hanged up but I didn’t make out what they where saying until I hanged up but It was a female voice mumbling do you know who this is? I then heard her say I can’t say that. It kind of sounded like her but I was unsure.
The end of summer was fast approaching and I knew that she would soon be leaving work to move to university, which made me feel upset that I wouldn’t be seeing her anymore on the weekends.
I began having dreams about her – one being me following her around on her last day and I was saying to myself just tell her and as she was about to walk out the door I woke up.
Another dream I had was I was leaving work before her and I would walk out saying good bye and then walk back in again to say good bye. Kind of like I was trying to prolong the fact that I was going away and then woke-up
The last dream was we where just laughing together and then woke-up.
Sadly she left with out me manning up and expressing my emotions. I must have blown a number of chances to be with this girl If I was right in thinking she felt the same.
I thought though time is a great healer and I will move on and meet someone else but oh no. I go out and try and meet new people to take my mind off her but still find myself having thoughts about her even when I’m chatting to other women and recently I have been having reoccurring dreams reliving the dreams I mentioned earlier.
It’s been 9 months since I last saw her and I still fill as much emotion as I did then.
I don’t know what to do. I want to be with her but its been so long she’s probably met someone else and moved on and would a long distance relationship be a good thing for her?– I doubt it, I mean she is back home on the holidays but well you can see my point. This is of course again assuming she did feel anything towards me.
How many chances can you get and still mess up I cant believe it If I had my chances and blew them and there’s nothing I can do I just want to move on and get on with the rest of my life which I have been trying to but the psychology in my mind just wont let me.
This has to be the biggest mistake and regret I have ever made so far and I cant carry on like this.
Please guide me and what I should do?