Does anyone else fear love?

[converging]

I don't know where I stand on the issue, I fear love and I desire love. I am 21 years old and have never experienced love in a relationship. I haven't been in any meaningful relationships for that matter, just about 3 month long ones. I never really loved my parents due to a whole mess of turmoil growing up.. Over time I feel as though I have been psychologically indoctrinated to dislike them, which I do. A lot of the time around the holidays I will tell family member A I am visiting family member B and tell family member B I am visiting family member A (if that makes sense to y'all ) in order to be able to spend the day alone and not have to be thrown into any anxiety ridden situations.

I have been doing a lot of research on my psychological situation and have read up a lot about "love-shyness" it certainly does describe me, however I still enjoy socializing with close friends and long to be more social. Kind of like an introvert that wants to be an extrovert. I will often check out a cute girl and notice she looked back at me with a smile or some kind of other positive gesture, but will have a lack of motivation to take the next step because of fear of the situation going sour.

Anyone else in the same boat as me? Let's talk

[TAVS]

You should never fear love, you should only fear Losing it when you find it. Seek love without fear, but do everything you can to keep the fire burning when it does grace you with its presence.

I dont think its a fear of love, its a only a fear of breaking out of your shell.

[Jas_mine]

Do you actually fear love or fear that you will never find love, you know, the fear of being unloved???

[Doc Durian]

Maybe he fears losing his grounding.. his sense of self, should he fall in love?

It's easy to look around and see plenty of people who fall head over heels, act like puppies, and then like feral dogs when the relationship does go sour because they've lost sight of who they used to be and have nothing in common with the other except having fallen, and quick.

The best love is a love which grows in increments where both people can have a foot in their union, and a foot in their sovereignty... comfortably.

[sookie6]

I do because I'm not naturally good at it...

I know I'm a great friend but love is another story...

I wish I could meet someone who I feel happy with (neither bored or threatened...just happy and settled and trusting)..

OP you are still very young, I bet someone will soon make you want to come out of your shell.

Plus, maybe you are still wanting to build yourself up first before sharing a relationship. Life is no race. Take your time before you're ready.

Your investigating your inner issues is very healthy and promising for now. It's important to do some soul searching before starting a rekationsip.

[converging]

I guess it's a combination of being unloved forever, as well as letting it trap me. I want to love but it's hard for me to get too close to people without thinking forward and thinking about the end of it in the future.

[cmacattack1]

I know exactly how you feel. I've been in relationships with girls that have fallen head over heels in love with me and as soon as they need me and depend on me, I go the other way. And by other way, I mean I emotionally shut down on them and distance myself. I could never understand how they wanted to change their lives around and build something with me, marry me, have kids with me when I was just focusing on having a good time. It would be hell for each and every girlfriend, dragging them through the mud. I began to feel like something was wrong with me, like I could never love. I would beat myself up and lack confidence and self worth. Those are all contributing factors. I think I was ultimately afraid to give my everything because I was afraid of being vulnerable and didn't want to give my heart and control to somebody else.

It was up until my last girlfriend finally dumped me on my ass when she was fed up with me not giving her my 100 percent, which turned out to be an ironic twist because that was about the time I realized what I had and how much she meant to me. As close to love as I have ever been. The reason why I write on this forum. If you choose to be with somebody, do not short change them. Give them everything you got. I'm not saying you have to charge headfirst into every relationship with reckless abandon or have to spend all your money showering them with gifts and all that. You have to really take some things slow and get to know somebody to decide on how you feel and if they are worthy. But do not look back in life and live with the regret of not trying. It's a burden.

[lost_soul1]

i think i know how you feel. i have a few friends like you in that situation. im afraid of love, even though im in love. i always get this sick feeling, like a barfy, uneasy, nervous feeling when i think about the person i love. i think its because im scared of it because im giving half my heart to this person, and im scared sh*tless of losing him, or something bad happening. i think its the feeling of not having control over that aspect. and its really scary and it sucks. but its good at the same time.

i think that just talking on here wont help you with your association of fearing love with your parents... maybe you should talk to a therapist? i hope that doesnt offend you. ive been to one many different times for many different reasons. im thinking i should go back again because me and the one i love are not together anymore, and i cant deal with the feeelings of sadness and hopelessness i have...
but i think maybe you just need to be more confident. i dont know you personally, but if you actually are looking for real love, and not one night stand love, then you deserve a chance. alot of people are scared too. so next time you see someone and you think they might be into you, go up and strike up a conversation with them. if it doesnt turn out so great, what do you have to lose?