Went on first date now what?

[slimla]

Hello Ladies,

So I went on a date we met in the afternoon at the beach, had lunch and walked up and down the beach with our dogs. It was nice and conversation went well. I focused on finding out what makes her tick and I felt it went well.

I'm actually after 10 years of frustrations seeing a "dating coach" which if you told me that I would be seeing one I would have laughed it off but here I am seeing one. I am happy to be finally getting professional advice. Her advice was that even though looks are a very limited part of dating that I am extremely handsome, in impeccable shape, dress great etc and that I should not have any problem at all dating the women I am interested in and from our two meetings I have a fun sense of humor and have a very deep and well rounded personality

BUT she said the reason why I am never getting past the first date is that I am not spontaneous, challenging, I'm the "nice guy" and that I am missing the "spark" or "chemistry" that girls seek in a date. I need to tease the girl, be spontaneous and not try to make the date "a success." Make more eye contact,flirt, tease and most importantly of all be spontaneous.

So the question I have that we have not really covered in our two meetings is "after the first date" how do I make a second date happen. I felt that even though the date went well I still didn't really break through my weaknesses (which of course takes time). I was able to compliment her and tease and be a little more spontaneous.

After the date which lasted 4 hours I gave her a big hug and said I'd like to see her again and she said that sounds good.

My coach is against "the pick up artist B.S." and the dating games. She said that if I am spontaneous, not putting her on a pedestal and having fun then games are not necessary. Since I'm missing out on that.

My history is that I can get girls on dates but the interest level fades from beginning of date and if I get a second date the second date usually is the last.

I still do not believe that calling or texting the day after is right. I feel its too soon and displays desperation or the mystery of "does he like me too"

It's very hard to make all this bullet point but I hope that you understand what I mean and with all that said how many days would be a fair amount before I contact her again and is texting appropriate? Los Angeles where I live seems to be the king city of texting. Even when I call my friends I get the answering machine and then they text me back. Its just a part of life now even though Id prefer to talk in person over the phone. If you recommend calling should i leave a message if i get the voice mail..

so how many days before I contact? and call or text? and what to say when i text or call. I was told never make the date for Friday and always give advanced notice and be SPECIFIC when setting up. Girls do not like vague plans on the first few dates.

thanks in advance for your input!

D

[xxazurexx]

Where the heck have guys picked up this idea that a woman likes 'mystery' and keep her 'guessing'?
Maybe I'm not like other women, but one thing I detest is a guy will keep me 'second guessing' as to whether he is really interested or not and if I suspect he is playing games in this way and he can't be straight with me, then I quickly lose interest and I'm gone. I don't piss around with men who would rather play games, than make their 'real' interest known.

If men have an interest in me, I like for them to make it known. For when they do and if I feel the same, then I know I am not wasting my time with him.

If a woman is not interested in you, then no amount of playing games will make her any the more interested.

And you never have to play games with someone who may be as interested as you, because an interested person always reciprocates your interest, they won't and never leave you 'second' guessing.

Why don't you just call her and when you want to call her. Make your interest KNOWN instead of farting around.

If she is 'really' interested, she won't mind how soon you called her, will be thrilled to hear from you and she will accept your second offer of a date.

If she doesn't accept or makes some excuse, then her interest level is not 'high'........else she would accept your offer.

[Charlie Boy II]

Don't listen to her. Women don't understand themselves.

[vashti]

If you are having a good time during date #1, I don't see anything wrong with saying (as you drop her off) "I had a good time. Do you want to get together again?" Since you didn't do that, I think it would be nice to hear it the following day "I wanted to say I had a good time last night, and wondered if you'd like to get together again". Set up your date at that point, and then don't call her again until the night before to confirm. And don't make the 2nd date too close to the first one. Give her something to look forward to, but don't make her sick of you.

The texting thing - eh. I'd prefer to hear your voice. I suppose it depends on how old you are.

[xxazurexx]

Don't listen to her. Women don't understand themselves.

Perhaps 'girls' don't understand themselves and don't know what they want. Women usually do.

And I'm a woman who knows what I want and what shit I will put up with and what shit I won't.

And I think this 'game playing', as in wait 2 days, 43 minutes and 10 seconds to call, is rather pathetic!

It is far better to make an interest known.

We all know where we stand that way.

[slimla]

hey guys thanks for your input. TRUST ME when i say this I am 110% on your side and I HATE the game playing hands down. The reality of it is I have had a very poor record of dating success and I am delving into myself to see what is going on hence the dating coach (which i never ever thought i would succumb to). But when your desperate for advice then desperate measures are needed.

Game playing = game playing and thats not what I'm intending to come across. However because I have that weakness as the nice guy and women like me and end up trying to be my friend (the ones I'm really interested in) I need to change something. Not that I'm going to be some slimy pick up artist but I do need to eliminate my submissive behavior and not be a follower and just be a man.

I hear you with the just call her if you like her the next day and will give it a shot. I dont want to start an argument or debate but I am in the "women advice" and women do want the nice guy but there is overwhelming evidence and basically a fact that a woman will take a "gentleman who is spontaneous, fun and stands up for himself without getting walked over or bending over to accomodate the woman VERSES the nice guy." I'm sorry but ive seen this for over a decade and to me its blatant that a woman wants a guy with that. of course not an A hole or a douche but those guys get girls that dont want long term. The reasons I think that they are so popular is that they are unpredictable, spontaneous, care free and keep you on your toes (those are the good points aside from the negative).

I am a responsible man with a great personality, I'm funny and have great looks but this has not gotten me anywhere with finding a woman that I want to date. not only do I see evidence around me all the time but I am proof that a woman wants more then that. they want something that is exciting, spontaneous, unpredictable etc and a man who seems to be in control and knows who he is etc

i think "nice" means "insecure" and what woman wants nice? Nice guys will try to buy you and impress you they will take a date and cancel work for the date because it conflicts, the guy will say what he thinks you want to hear and my favorite quote is "in fear we expect and in love we accept" so in fear we expect means you are needy because you "want" people to accept and love you and in love you are you and if someone loves you back then you accept and dont change.

I hope that after this you understand that I am not trying to play games or grease my hair back and buy a harley or change me. BUT i want to tweak some things about my personality that display submissive, nice guy, boring etc. Its true when I'm on a date my personality changes I try to be on my best presentation, i try to make the girl laugh and try to do the right things etc.

lastly I want to clarify the seperation between "a relationship" and "going on dates" relationship is about trust honesty etc and dating while it does contain those has GAMES (i wish there was a better word for game).


I have been myself in the past and to ZERO success so obviously i am on my coaches side. She is not about messing with peoples emotions it about being the real you and being spontaneous, real, raw, opening yourself up and also creating that chemistry, spark etc.

[Miloo]

Haha i dont like to behave. Even tho il never date any girl, i looove to flirt, make them think i love them, and at the right time, SNAP. hahaha i like the faces they do.
My advice, dont be nice. Be bad! Throw some swearing! Be so bad, if u tell u to bite the cement, your teeth wont hurt. Womes like bad guys, even if they say they dont. They like to make us think they live romantic guys and gentlemen, but in the reality, most of girls (those sad days) like a bad guy.
I tell u to make an experiment. If it doesn't work, i let u shoot me in the knee.
Date 5 random girls and act nice. Then date 5 random girls and act badass. U will notice those 5 girls which thought u are a bad guy will be more attracted by you.
and for the love of devil, DONT be yourself. Girls dont like that.

[xxazurexx]

Haha i dont like to behave. Even tho il never date any girl, i looove to flirt, make them think i love them, and at the right time, SNAP. hahaha i like the faces they do.
My advice, dont be nice. Be bad! Throw some swearing! Be so bad, if u tell u to bite the cement, your teeth wont hurt. Womes like bad guys, even if they say they dont. They like to make us think they live romantic guys and gentlemen, but in the reality, most of girls (those sad days) like a bad guy.
I tell u to make an experiment. If it doesn't work, i let u shoot me in the knee.
Date 5 random girls and act nice. Then date 5 random girls and act badass. U will notice those 5 girls which thought u are a bad guy will be more attracted by you.
and for the love of devil, DONT be yourself. Girls dont like that.

How old are you? You sound like a boy of perhaps 15, 16 years old??

[xxazurexx]

hey guys thanks for your input. TRUST ME when i say this I am 110% on your side and I HATE the game playing hands down. The reality of it is I have had a very poor record of dating success and I am delving into myself to see what is going on hence the dating coach (which i never ever thought i would succumb to). But when your desperate for advice then desperate measures are needed.

Game playing = game playing and thats not what I'm intending to come across. However because I have that weakness as the nice guy and women like me and end up trying to be my friend (the ones I'm really interested in) I need to change something. Not that I'm going to be some slimy pick up artist but I do need to eliminate my submissive behavior and not be a follower and just be a man.

I hear you with the just call her if you like her the next day and will give it a shot. I dont want to start an argument or debate but I am in the "women advice" and women do want the nice guy but there is overwhelming evidence and basically a fact that a woman will take a "gentleman who is spontaneous, fun and stands up for himself without getting walked over or bending over to accomodate the woman VERSES the nice guy." I'm sorry but ive seen this for over a decade and to me its blatant that a woman wants a guy with that. of course not an A hole or a douche but those guys get girls that dont want long term. The reasons I think that they are so popular is that they are unpredictable, spontaneous, care free and keep you on your toes (those are the good points aside from the negative).

I am a responsible man with a great personality, I'm funny and have great looks but this has not gotten me anywhere with finding a woman that I want to date. not only do I see evidence around me all the time but I am proof that a woman wants more then that. they want something that is exciting, spontaneous, unpredictable etc and a man who seems to be in control and knows who he is etc

i think "nice" means "insecure" and what woman wants nice? Nice guys will try to buy you and impress you they will take a date and cancel work for the date because it conflicts, the guy will say what he thinks you want to hear and my favorite quote is "in fear we expect and in love we accept" so in fear we expect means you are needy because you "want" people to accept and love you and in love you are you and if someone loves you back then you accept and dont change.

I hope that after this you understand that I am not trying to play games or grease my hair back and buy a harley or change me. BUT i want to tweak some things about my personality that display submissive, nice guy, boring etc. Its true when I'm on a date my personality changes I try to be on my best presentation, i try to make the girl laugh and try to do the right things etc.

lastly I want to clarify the seperation between "a relationship" and "going on dates" relationship is about trust honesty etc and dating while it does contain those has GAMES (i wish there was a better word for game).


I have been myself in the past and to ZERO success so obviously i am on my coaches side. She is not about messing with peoples emotions it about being the real you and being spontaneous, real, raw, opening yourself up and also creating that chemistry, spark etc.

Well I guess, do whatever you want and behave however you want....doesn't affect my life, thank god.

Only insecure girls are attracted to 'da bad boys' anyway, else they wouldn't put up with their shit and they'd move on to the nicer guys

[Miloo]

"Only insecure girls are attracted to 'da bad boys'"
And i thank GOD that all girls are insecure... i suggest u go dating as much as u can, instead of wasting your time, looking for "the right one" as i did.
U will find out that life goes on, and there is no "right" girl for u.

[xxazurexx]

"Only insecure girls are attracted to 'da bad boys'"
And i thank GOD that all girls are insecure... i suggest u go dating as much as u can, instead of wasting your time, looking for "the right one" as i did.
U will find out that life goes on, and there is no "right" girl for u.

Yeah well don't complain when you pick up a few bitches on the way, who decide to piss you around and who play the same game you do.

Behind every decent girl, is some dick who made her a 'bitch'

[Miloo]

the only think is that there is no decent girl.
the world is becoming sadder by the day.
where is the romantism?
Really there are no girls that like love poems, a walk under the moon, listen to her BF singing and so?

[xxazurexx]

the only think is that there is no decent girl.
the world is becoming sadder by the day.
where is the romantism?
Really there are no girls that like love poems, a walk under the moon, listen to her BF singing and so?

Course we do, if it's with the 'right' man. I used to listen to this guy sing to me all the time over the phone lols.

You are just picking the 'wrong' girls for you, in same way that some females pick the 'wrong' guy for them.

Men complain that women don't like nice guys and guys don't seem to go for nice girls......one and the same thing.

[Miloo]

those days, nothing can change my opinion.
its like there is no 'right' girl for guys, and no 'right' guy for girls.
there are just girls and guys.
'love' is not what it was meant to be, IF there is any love left on this pile of dirt.

[Junket]

those days, nothing can change my opinion.
its like there is no 'right' girl for guys, and no 'right' guy for girls.
there are just girls and guys.
'love' is not what it was meant to be, IF there is any love left on this pile of dirt.

Not for you there isn't.