To "break" or not to "break"?

[vashti]

In my experience, a "break" always precedes a "break up".

Also, I agree with Giga. This guy is getting all his needs met without being your boyfriend, so I don't see what is supposed to motivate him to take you back.... also, he is very possibly getting sex elsewhere, too. Just be sure to protect yourself.

[Incognito]

^^^I agree. A break is usually a way to ease into a full on breakup. Since unlit is starting this break and is saying that she doesn't necessarily want to break up this may not be the case though.

@unlit: An indecisive man is not a man you want to be with. If he wants you there will be no doubt about it. There are plenty of men out there who will be sure that they want you and will act accordingly. I'm not sure of his age, but I think that all guys go through that "unsure" phase when we feel that we should be more of a man than we are, yet we don't know exactly what to do to get to where we want to be. He needs to figure that out, and may need to be alone to do it.

Also, to answer you original question, no. I was only in one relationship where there was a "break". My then girlfriend thought that we should have a break to "experience other people and things, and then get back together". My first thought was "fu*k that!". I told her that once we were done, we were done. Period, end of sentence. We split and never got back together.

[unlit]

Believe me xxazurexx, the length is fine. I want the length. I wasn't saying I didn't want to accept anyone's advice here, or that anyone was being harsh - I was just saying that some justification to the advice was needed, and you justified your advice perfectly. I'm sorry you've had all that happen to you. And it is really making me think about my decision, and making me think it's better to break up with him. Without your reasoning, it felt like empty advice. I've trained myself to question everything in order to fully and thoroughly understand. So I appreciate your advice, and your justification. I hope things are better for you now.

The more I hear (read?) and the more I think about it, I think it's over. He invited me to go with him to a party for a guy who we both have met, but that he knows better. I keep thinking "I want to go to the party...but I want to go as a single woman... maybe I can meet someone there..." And that shows me that my own doubts are pretty strong. And shows me that I'm falling out of love with this relationship.

I don't know if I fully agree that a guy who is unsure is actually not now or ever going to be sure he wants to be with me/girl in question. Because we're young and at that age where pressures to marry and settle down are creeping up, I can understand uncertainties. But I don't need it in my life right now. And I'm getting that breaks aren't a great idea.

I guess I really need to talk to him and see where he stands at the moment. If he's still unsure, then I'll cut the cord.

I think I'm hesitant because every single aspect of my life sucks right now. I'm having job problems, slight family problems, friend problems, and now relationship problems. But in my history, life all falls apart at once. I guess I want to cling to the relationship because it's the one thing I CAN cling to for sure. But it's become more a problem to cling to it at this point.

[Olderandwiser49]

Sorry, can't agree with this one. Women have sex because they feel loved; men feel loved because they have sex. One of the great paradoxes in men/women relationships, and one of the main reasons couples fight about sex (second only to money). When she withholds sex, she's telling him (in his mind) she doesn't love him. He gets pushy and more demanding, and she withdraws further. Another relationship crashes and burns. Men need to give women the attention and appreciation they seek in order to receive the affection they need. We guys have a tendency to forget that, unfortunately. In the case of "Unlit", I think offering sex to someone who gives nothing but vague promises in return is a waste of her natural resources. If he's pulling back, then she needs to stop the gravy train. If he genuinely cares for her, he'll come back with a new appreciation of her. If not, has she really lost anything of value?

[Incognito]

I agree with most of what you said olderandwiser49, but that is why she needs to just break it off instead of taking a break. Usually when people "take a break" it is expected that at some point they will get back together. He may just continure to be uncertain awaiting for that time to come and then they will be right back here. If they simply break up without that expectation then they both can do as they will and he could still ask her back out if he makes up his mind.

[Zero Profit]

You're his rebound

[Incognito]

^^^ Did you read the rest of the thread before commenting?