Would it be wrong if I asked my fiance to re propose?

[andreac]

My fiance asked me to marry him on a whim new years of 2007/2008. I had waited until the end of 2008 to even think about planning a wedding when I found out I was pregnant so I put the wedding planning on hold. My son was born in April 2009 and since then we've been pretty good adjusting to the new family life. However, with raging hormones running amuck all the time with me, I wonder if he really feels like he wants to marry me anymore. I've thought that maybe I should just tell him he should re propose to me when he feels he truly wants to make that commitment. Would that be wrong? Or would I run the risk of hurting his feelings or puttings doubts in his mind?

[SirWagginston]

What evidence is there to support your doubts about his commitment to you? All I can see from your post is that he asked to marry you, you were comfortable with putting off the arrangements, and he has been sticking around to support your son.

[andreac]

None really... he's cheated in the past so I think its mainly just some commitment issues on my end. But I've also never really felt like his proposal was sincere to begin with since it was in a random and drunken state.

[andreac]

Also, its our son not just mine

[lahnnabell]

I would never accept an offer to marry someone if it were based on a mere whim. Marriage takes planning and discussion. Everyone (mostly women it seems, but men too) has this idea that it's going to be some fairytale experience where you marry and stay devoted forever. It's not that friggin' simple.

And you can't use his cheating past as an excuse. You made the decision to forgive him and forge ahead together. If that issue is still coming up now, it will come up again later. You didn't deal with that issue properly in the first place, whether that meant breaking up, or going to counseling, or whatever. So now he's being punished for proposing to you incorrectly because you don't trust him.

[andreac]

So what I'm getting from this is then that it would be wrong to ask him to re propose?

[vashti]

I don't think it would be "wrong". However, I'm not sure he will ask you again, so if you can live with that, then go ahead and ask.

[lahnnabell]

The issue here shouldn't be the proposal anymore. It should be the fact that you clearly don't trust him, and I don't think you should be planning to marry someone you don't trust. If the root of your need for a new proposal is because YOU don't trust him after YOU forgave him for cheating, then that is YOUR problem.

Let's say you do ask him to propose again? How exactly would you request it? "Honey... I didn't appreciate that you were a sloppy, drunken mess when you proposed to me. Makes me think that you don't really want to get married at all. Could we have a do-over?" You had every option to refuse his proposal if you felt you weren't ready. Refusing a marriage proposal does not mean you have to break-up either. Some people even ask for time to think it over. It's not a decision to be made lightly. Granted having to think about it takes some of the romance out of it, but marriage itself isn't the holy union it used to be either.

[Doc Durian]

Coyly smile at him and tell him that having the baby before marriage was sort of like accidentally putting the cart before the ox, which altered and sort of canceled out the natural trajectory of the route.

...as you plant a big smoochy and nibble on his ear while whispering into it, "Ox me one more time, baby".

[Illusional]

why don't you ask him to marry you.... he's already took a risk to ask the question once so you should be the one to return the question.

raverboy

[Gigabitch]

Don't marry a cheater. Just don't.

[Jas_mine]

You refer to him as your fiance though which means you already accepted his proposal so it's not a matter of asking him to propose again, it's a matter of turning the proposal into marriage. Seems like your wedding plans got waylaid, just talk to him and see where he's at.